My son feels like he has been pushed to the backround?

Question

i have 4 boys. 8, 7, 4, and 2. recently my husband was killed in iraq and so its just been me and the kids. my 7 year old has been kind of distant, doesnt really want to play with the other kids, having behavior problems, etc. i know its because hes upset and grieving but i also think that the other kids are more important than him. ive had a hard time with the situation as well and so my parents took the kids for the weekend so i could have some time to myself. my 7 yr old did not want to go. he wanted to stay at home with me. i sent him anyways because i really needed alone time to sort things out and get things done. and now they are back and he will barely talk to me. he will only talk to me when i ask him questions and it will be one-word answers. i know hes mad at me and i dont know what to do. my other boys arent acting like this. i try spending one on one time with him but its not easy with 3 kids.

how can i make my son feel better about my other kids and stop beingupset w/ me

Answer 1

I am so sorry for your loss.

It really sounds like your son is still grieving, and still really hurting.  Can you go to a counselor?  It sounds like that is what is needed here.  

I know it can be very difficult to find some alone time.  But it sounds like you need to schedule some time in somehow so you can spend some time alone with your son - doing anything, just the two of you.

Good luck.

Answer 2

I'm so sorry for your loss

Its understandable that he is acting out because he lost his dad and now he feels like your pushing him away too. (Which I know isn't true you need time alone for you.) I would take your son out (just you and your oldest son) for a special day (to do anything that he wants to do, if he enjoys going to the park or movies take him) maybe even lunch. I wouldn't push him to talk about it. If he brings it up, tell him I know your hurting and I'm hurting too, I love you and WE are going to make it. Just give him time. When he is ready to talk about it, JUST LISTEN the things that are effecting him may be something that you never though about (possible examples fear of having to move or you leaving him now too.)

If you feel that with some time things aren't getting better maybe even worst then call in a specialist to help you and your family during this hard time.

Again I'm very sorry... I hope this helps

Answer 3

i too am very sorry for your loss,

                my dad died when i was ten and i didn't like being away from my mum, i just wanted to stay with her and not let her out of my sight, i was so scared that she or i would go out and wouldn't be there when i got home, it took a long time to heal but i had great support from my teachers at school and my mum was great, always there to tuck me in at night and the first face i saw in the morning, all you can do is be patient and understanding, there are organizations you can get in touch with that org anise days out for children that have lost parents,  get in touch with your gp they maybe able to advise you, hope this helps all the best

Answer 4

First, I am very sorry for your loss.  When a child loses a parent they sometimes worry that they will also lose the other parent.  Your 4 and 2 year olds are too young to understand and it sounds like your 8 year old is adjusting mostly on his own.  Your 7 year old needs you right now... he was clingy and didn't want to leave because he probably feared that you would not be there (dead) when it was time for them to come back.  Now he is distancing himself from you - it could be that he is subconciously preparing himself for you to leave.  Little minds work in the strangest ways.  You will just have to reassure him until he sees his way out.  Take care :)

Answer 5

He may have felt that he just lost his father, and now you don't want him either.  Sending him away was good for you, but not so good for him.  At this time, your boys need all the love and support they can get.  If you need to sort through your husbands things, or make arrangements, try to include your oldest.  He is now the man of the house, after all.  He'll feel like he's helping you out and he may even get a better chance to say goodbye to his father by going through his things.  If all else fails, call a family therapist.  A qualified dr will be able to help your family through your grief.  God bless you and your family.  May your husband rest in peace.  I'll be praying for all of you.

Answer 6

i am so very sorry to hear about the loss of you husband and your kids dad ni dont know what else to ease your familys sadness but i hope you get it work out

Answer 7

you can try keeping him home from school while the others go and just sit him on the couch with you and talk to him.... also, do his favorite activities with him to establish a connection with him emotionally.  he just needs to work this out of him.

Answer 8

I'm very, very sorry for your loss. You need to consult a child psychologist to help all of your boys work through their grief and deal with their emotions.