My son has ADHD?

Question

I love him not matter what. But I m struggling with him because he can not keep his mouth shut in public and people don’t understand.. He say’s it how it is.. Like if an over weight lady will walk past he will say : wow she is fat mum look!! And I don’t want to smack my child and I kneel down to him and say that isn’t very nice. And he will start screaming. I m not sure what to do with him? Is there anyway I can get through to him?

Answer 1

Kids act out and speak honestly until taught restraint. Let him know he can talk openly at home about what he sees on the street. When you talk to him at home explain how he may hurt people's feelings. He will begin to understand there is a time and place for everything.

Also ADHD is an abused diagnosis for what is merely a challenging child. The challenge is for you to find out what works. They tried to slap that diagnosis on my brother but my mom found other solutions that did not involve drugs. I would look into dietary changes like eliminating sugar and testing for food allergies. Food additives and coloring are likely culprits. Also learning a discipline like Tae Kwan Doe is beneficial for young boys.

You say you have tried everything before medication, what medical tests have been done and what dietary changes have you tried?

Answer 2

Hey

You seem to have your hands full. I m sorry.

People on here are so rude..

:) i just was browsing and i sore your question and i just wanted to say good luck and your doing the best you can so keep going

Answer 3

Being that there are so many details to ADHD and to children themselves, I wouldn't expect well informed answers from Yahoo users. I would check with his doctor(s) to see what can be done. Good luck.

Answer 4

You don't mention his age.  Kids will be kids and honesty is a major part of childhood.  Most kids learn that staring and comments like that are unacceptable before it stops being cute, but kids with disabilitites such as ADD, ADHD and Autism tend to lack those social skills.  Never resort to smacking or otherwise punishing him.  Talk to him and explain that it is unacceptable.  You're going to have to agree with him that yes, the lady is fat (not in her hearing naturally) but explain that it's not nice to say such things.  Eventually he will get the idea.

I totally feel for you and know what you're going through.  My youngest has Aspergers syndrome.  He's 10 and has been medicated for 3 months now.  I spent 8 yrs coping with violent behaviour and comments about my parents or lack of iykwim.  

6 would be about the age you'd expect the "honesty" to stop but I'm sure you're aware of that.  My advice is still the same though.  Don't punish him but do teach him the correct behaviour.  I totally recommend looking at social stories (Carol Gray has a website) to help him understand the difference.  They can be made to suit ages.  He will get it eventually but you need to remain calm about it all.  If you're worried about people's feelings or opinions, perhaps some cards explaining his ADHD would be good to hand out.

Answer 5

Wow I have read some of the answers on here!!! I Have a child who Is ADHD and also Bi Polar She is 7 Years old I feel your pain honey, Its really hard to go out in public sometimes huh, What I do with my daughter Is I gently grab (notice I said gently :) )her face have her concentrate on me, sometimes she just needs that redirection to let her racing mind focus on one thing that being you, otherwise if that does not work I will stop what I am doing and leave, no matter what there condition is they have to understand that what they are doing is going to have some kind of effect,  I have to lay down the law with her everyday, we have had to change schools, but this last school I told them that this is what is wrong with her, lets make a plan of what we will all do in when this happens ect... and so far everyone is on the same page, and things are going ok, I wish you the best of luck, and do not be discouraged by people who do not understand,

Answer 6

He may not even have ADHD. Most of the time, kids don't and the parents just think they do because the child is hyper and has bad behavior. That does not make a child ADHD. A six year old child should not be on medications anyway. Obviously, this child has a great lack of discipline in his life. You can't just "kneel down to his level"...you have to be the boss. If you go down to his level, he won't regard you as a person he should show respect to, and if he can't respect you, how is he going to respect some overweight stranger he doesn't even know? I think you should go to another doctor because many times, doctors put kids on medications unnecessarily. Of course kids have always had hyperactivity problems...some kids are just more hyper than others. Do you think that ADHD is a totally new thing? No, it just has a name now. The remedy before for an overactive child was discipline, while now, it's medications.

Answer 7

Have you discussed medication with  his doctor?

Answer 8

Well i understand because my little brother who is 15 has ADAH and he is a hand full for my mother all i can say is hang in there and try to do what you can i feel as they get older they learn how to control theirselves and they grow out of it i know its hard but hang in there

Answer 9

This is from 2 parent that have a ADHD son. Husband. I feel for you very much, my son drive us both crazy and does thing that a normal child doesn't. We have found that sticking to a strict diet is the key, as well as medication and stay away from McDonnell despite if he is good. We found that this a key to a lot of he's problem. I am not saying you are doing this but 90% of parent do give their kid junk food. Another factor to think of, if the medication is not preventing this, then a change may be need. If still continue then say to him down on his level  " would you like to be call a name, or if someone say something not nice about you, would you like it" 10% of the time they say "no I don't like it". The rest of the time they will react in the same way your son did. Another thing is to talk to your Doctor about your concern and if he doesn't give you other idea's to stop it, then think of changing doctor if you can, your doctor may be the key to he's behaviour. Think of this, we found that our Doctor gave our son the wrong medication. He's solution was to put up with it and put him into activities. He was wrong, but there human. My mother put up with a lot of garbage from me(with no medication) and it took a long time get through it. I say this as an encouragement that he will not be this way forever. I can feel your pain, for me and my wife are there to but in a different situation. My final tips are 1) take control of what he eat even at school, give the teachers a list of food he can't eat. if they are decent enough they will try to help.

2) keep a tight discipline, other word use a combination of thing. If the norty corner doesn't work then try taking away a favourite toy of he's ( my son some time smile at the fact we did it) or try different thing to get he's attention that he knows that he did the wrong thing despite that he Kick and scream, it is something that is hard to get use too.

3) this is most important one of all, get some support from you local community centre there are thing you and your son can do together and other mum to talk to.

Another thing is ADHD children tend to think women are weak, that is why he treat you they way he does. My son does the same thing to my wife. they don't mean it.

hope this helps

RRRRR   I just read a particular comment and it make my blood boil. What a hid, he must not  have an ADHD child and sound like a guy who has no brain. Ha ha ha ha ha. don't worry about him I got a few chosen word I can't say here, but you get the message.

For the person that wrote that comment and all you idiot out there that read this that think there no ADHD. ADHD is a real condition that affect the chemical in the Brain. you could look it up if you had half a brain and went to college (I am graduate of Landscape Architecture) so go look it up in a medical journal

Answer 10

you HAVE to get him on adderall.

The behavior will not stop especially if you are just saying " that isn't very nice".

Get him on Adderall.

Answer 11

This has nothing to do with wether he is ADHD or not. Hes being a normal child by doing this. You need to keep repeating it and have very clear expectations and structure to his life and days. He will learn what is acceptable and what isn't. An ADHD child can be expected to behave and act appropriately in public. Too many parents use ADHD as an excuse to NOT parent and to allow bad behavior. And don't even get me started on the number of parents who spent 15 mins at an appointment and walk away with a diagnosis of ADHD and a prescription for meds. As a parent you need very clear rules and expectations. You follow through everytime and you see results. Yes it is harder to deal with but it isn't impossible. You are getting through to him. If you weren't he wouldn't start screaming. ADHD children understand their rules and world very well. Its their behavior and the way they deal with their world that needs to be taught. I would suggest discussing the behavior before going out, at regular at home times, and when he does it. That way he has time to process the expectation before leaving and has redirection when he does it. That's what works best for us.

EDIT ADHD is NOT a new diagnosis. Its been diagnosed as ADHD for 30 years. And has been diagnosed under other names for almost a century. Ritalin has been used since the 1950's.

http://ezinearticles.com/?History-of-ADH...

Answer 12

This has nothing to do with ADHD, this is a child being a child.  Children don't grasp the concept of humility, of embarrassment, of when to say things and when not to.  Why is it that when a child starts acting like a child everyone screams ADHD?  When he says something of that nature you should immediately get down to his level and (very calmly) explain to him that when you say something about someone else like that you can hurt their feelings, so if he wants to say something about someone he should whisper it into your ear.  Why the h**l would smack a child for saying what is on his mind?  The only reason you don't is because he will start screaming?  Next thing you are going to start putting him on Ritalin or something because he has too much energy and you just can't handle it.  People understand when children state the obvious, unless they are like you.  I feel sorry for your boy, let's just hope that you can manage to stay away from medicating him.

Now I see that you are already medicating him.  God, how sad.  HE IS A BOY, LET HIM BE A BOY!  This kind of c**p makes me sick, you shouldn't have children if you can't handle the personality of a child!!!!

You didn't say how bad your son is, you said he says things that embarrass other people in public and you just don't know what to do about it.  Maybe I misunderstood the smacking part, but I am not sure why you felt it neccessary to add that in.  Either way you have said nothing that shows your son being anything other than a boy, exept that you have drugged him. ("Doctor's Orders")

I don't believe that medicating a 6 year old is ever an option, no matter what else you have done.  You have to be strict with him, you have to be constant, and you have to be clear.  Some kids are problem children and require a whole lot more attention and patience on your part.  He seems to be one of those.  Keep him on a strict schedule and when he misbehaves keep the punishment as something that affects him directly.  When he becomes violent explain very clearly the consequenses of his actions, and the punishment he is to receive due to them.  You may have tried all this too, but he is only 6, he will get it, you just have to be consistant.  As for the schools, anything that happens to give a teacher a headache anymore is too much for them to handle too, find a teacher that is willing to take on a boy such as yours and go from there, even if you need to find a tutor to start with.  I am sorry if I offended you, or maybe stepped over my line of answering a question, but I feel very strongly about the fact that our world is now medicating and drugging our children.  It disgusts me.

Answer 13

OK, first of all, violent behaviors such as the kicking, biting, and scissors have nothing to do with ADHD, that's just bad behavior.  ADHD is Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, and medication will help him to sit still and focus better, but it will not change/adjust/fix bad behavior.  

As far as the screaming when you try to correct him in public, try making a game of appropriate behavior at home.  Give him a pretend scenario, (like pretend that a really fat lady just walked by) and have him act out how he would react. If it's inappropriate, correct him and have him do it again with the gentler reaction.  Praise him for doing it nicely.  Then when he reacts badly in public, get down to his level (like you already do) and remind him of what he's been practicing.

Best of Luck!

Answer 14

I know where you're coming from..I too have a child with ADHD as well as autisim.  Hes loud, impulsive and aggressive. I had him on medication for awhile..mainly because people around me kept forcing the issue of how greedy I was being and how much better off he would be, but it made him different and depressed. I couldn't stand seeing him mope around until it wore off then he was more emotional. I took him off the medicine because I find it easier to deal with him. Lets face it that medicine is not a cure its a hard drug a temporary fix for a moment of peace for us adults, but for them it affects the way they think, the way they eat and so many other things. I love my child to death he didn't ask for this to happen to him. When I took my son off it I had to watch him go through withdrawals..my little 8 year old boy.

He too had been kicked out of a few schools now hes in a special program in a small class with other children like him. It took me awhile to find this program for him teachers kept telling me medicine is better. I was tired of having them make me feel bad and more angry at my child for misbehaving because THEY couldn't handle him. My demands paid off by me keeping an open communication with the school. Don't just send your child to school and let them worry about him for the day. Make a habit of popping in and talking to the teachers and make suggestions. Make sure he gets time out just as if he were at home or get a sticker for following the rules. Oh and make sure hes getting an education not stuck in room by himself with a book or a toy to do as he please because hes disrupting the other children. I was shocked when I showed up at my sons school one day and seen him there alone, sure he was having fun, but that's what he wanted. I went to principal and the teacher and said you're letting my child manipulate you, you can't give in to him or he'll never learn. So, you see you have be there in everything. Its your child, your business you make that known because without you being around you cannot trust these people to help your child.

I also found that video games keep him busy and calm. I let him play 15 minutes before school and he has a great day. He comes home and does as he told...sure not without a fit sometimes, but he gets to it because he wants to play his video games. I recently brought him a game boy advance to take with us...shopping is no longer a hassle. Before the game boy advance I had him playing educational computer games he always loved I,spy. One other thing you can do is get in touch with other families in your area with children with ADHD eventually your child will learn something from one of them and you as a parent can also learn new ideas from other parents. These children understand each other somehow its amazing.

For some of your people out there ADHD is not an excuse its a chemical imbalance of the brain. You can talk all you want, but Ive tried changing his diet and all those other things people with ADHD children have suggested and that doesnt work for my child. Everyones body responds to things differently. It also has nothing to do with good or bad parenting honestly there have parents who have ignored or abused their children who end up putting themselves through college and other great things like that. there have been parents who have been loving and caring to their children and they have become serial killers. So dont talk unless you KNOW!

Answer 15

i have very challenging children myself and have been put in that situation myself and still getting help from agencies because i just didn't understand how his brain ticks and it frustrates me to know end. depending on how old he is depends on what sort of level he is at but i swear it does get better. i live in a regional area so i had to see occupational physcologist at children's mental health and she really layed it down in front of me and i went away had a think and have suss it out, i think anyways lol. but a good website to maybe checkout is raising children, just google it. do you have some support, and or respite. but i know my son just wanted to embarrasse me so if i were you i would keep walking and just agree with him and maybe in a more private place pull him aside and have a chat because maybe he just wants you to react and they he can embarrasse you, because then he get attention too. just hold on i swear there is light at the end of the tunnel and no it's not a train coming.

Answer 16

i would look on line and do some research about changing his diet cause i hear that the diet also effects how bad the ADHD is or ADD  cause i had both apparently when i was a child i was on meds my whole life as a child to i stopped taking it myself when i was 18 when my foster mom was in the hospital dying i just stopped it myself. But i would try to look up the diet ideas cause i heard that helps. if need more info u can email me and can talk more about it. but i would try to do that and see if can work i was pretty bad when i was a kid to but not as bad as that.

Answer 17

It is called washing the mouth out with soap. Just because he has ADHD it does not excuse behavior like that. I had ADHD and I never even once used it as an excuse. Apparently your approach is not working. Have the courage to discipline him and let him know that he has a condition not an excuse. Also check if he's on the right meds. It sometimes takes time to correctly medicate a child and set it to the meds.