My son has been left back but he's a smart kid.?

Question

My son has been left back for the third time in school. He's 18 years old and in the 9th grade. He reads and writes very well and is very articulate. His teachers have often said he has potential but needs to try more. I have done EVERYTHING from tutors, to dicipline, an alternative school, and he does very well for ahile then he goofs off again. He would rather watch videos and talk to his girlfriend. I know he can do better. During the year I ask him if he has homeowrk and how's school. He says okay and gets good marks then he just tanks after a while. I don't know what to do. Any advice guys. Thanks.

Answer 1

Well . . . it's not all about school is it?  You talk to your son right?  You try to listen to him like a person not just a parent?  Somehow you have to convince him that how difficult the rest of his life will be depends on his academic success.  That it's  just how the word works and sorry for the bad news.  Find out what he thinks he wants to do with his life.  If he wants to be a welder he won't need to be able to discuss the Battle of Gettysburg.  However it will make for a much more interesting conversation around the welding shop.  Make sure he understands it's a lot like playing Russian Roulette, you don't get to go back and redo.  That life is lived in only one direction.  Find out how happy he is right now, how does he rate the day to day.  Let him know that this is about all he can expect if he does nothing to change it.  A life of feeling about as good as he does today, week after week, year after year until it's all gone.

Answer 2

There is a school in my district (A Continuation School). Its for students who arent doing well, and probably wont graduate with their class, if they continue at their current school.

The school is called fair valley. You might want to check it out, and see if you have something like this in your area.

Continuation schools arent "special" schools. But they go slower, and cover everything, so that you're child can grasp each concept. He should graduate this time, next year.

Answer 3

He is legally an adult and it's time for some tough love!  Make him pay some rent, suggest dropping out and GED.  It just can't be socially healthy for him to be in a room with 9th graders.  He needs to be in a community college getting his GED and working to pay for his living expenses.  Then maybe he can get his act together and taking some vocational courses, pick up a trade, take college course etc.

Answer 4

nothing u can do after age 3:

Answer 5

Unfortunately he is 18, and can do what he wants legally including dropping out.

If he was younger I would say you should tell him that until he brings up his grades, no video games and no phone.

That would give him incentive to try harder and stop goofing off.

Good Luck!

Answer 6

As far as I know, it is against the law in most states to retain a child for more than 2 years. Is this a legit question?

Having an adult (age 21) in classes with 16, 17 year olds in their senior year of HS is not a good learning situation for the adult or teens.

Your school must have alternative classes or schools for students that need an alternative learning environment. I can understand why an 18 year old would not be serious in a school of 7, 8 and 9th graders ages  13  -  15.

Answer 7

he needs to realize what hes doing to himself. it may be something you cant help him with. he might realize this after his girlfriend grows up and goes to college without him or something

Answer 8

I think this should be in primary and secondary education, but...

At 18, your son is legally able to do whatever he wants. If he wants to drop out of school, it's a terrible decision, but you can't stop him. You can, however, make him get a job and pay you rent to continue to live in your house. That will teach him some responsibility.

I believe it's reasonable to not expect rent from students of high school and college, but if you're 18-21 and not going to school, you should be working and paying rent.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck.

Answer 9

i just graduated highschool about 10 days ago and it was bitter sweet i left all my friends and now i am in the real world i will have to move out go to college get a job and become an adult maybe this is what your son is thinking about maybe he is afraid of the real world and is trying to stay in his secure and familiar environment

Answer 10

It seems like you get him going, but then when he starts getting lower grades, you don't try and push him back up. Try and watch for early signs of him slacking off, and try to react swiftly, making sure that hes actually doing his homework, and not just goofing off. If hes using a computer for it make sure that he's actually using it for school related purposes. If his grade drops a grade level in the space of a few weeks, discipline(preferably hard discipline, with severe loss of privileges) , may be in order. Constantly reminding him to get his work done, though annoying, may be beneficial.

Answer 11

my god! you should not allow him on the computer and take his studies personally. he might not be studying when u think he is doing that. explain him the concepts, he might not be understanding those. make him do some small practice tests that u set for him and see that he does those. so u know that he IS doing that. find out why he loses after doing so well. be strict

Answer 12

He's at the magic age:  18.

Charge him rent.  Let him quit school and get a job to pay the rent.  Once he gets a taste of life, he will be begging to take classes to get his GED.

Answer 13

let him drop out.

than kick him out of the house. seriously it may seem mean but he'll learn that he needs to step up, earn his degree and discipline or he's not gonna make it in the real world. try it. since he's 18 you CAN legally kick him out and he will learn to step up and behave.

Answer 14

My brother is like that. Every day my parents would check classroll.com (a site that teachers post the students' grades), help him with homework, talk to teachers, etc. It's very stressful and a lot of work. They basically baby him and do everything for him (he barely passed 9th grade this year).

It's really weird because my brother and I are completely opposite. He's athetic, I'm not. I do well in school, he doesn't.

Answer 15

How about taking away the videos and TV and maybe even restricting time with the girlfriend?  He is an adult now, and if he wants to be lazy- maybe you should tell him he has a choice- Pass his classes or move out and get a job. Letting him just stay home and play videos and be with his girlfriend, is not preparing him for adulthood. That is your job as a parent. You are enabling him by letting him do as he pleases- and just nagging him. I think he needs consequences, how else is he going to learn?

Answer 16

Was your son ever tested for learning disabilities? Has he ever taken a learning style inventory? He needs to know exactly what his strengths and weaknesses are. I agree with the others that he needs to get his GED. He should think about a trade school. Has he held a job and earned his own money? He should. Get his own place, maybe???? He is a grown-up, you know.

Answer 17

Have him go for the GED thru a community college

Have him take courses thru online high school

If he doesn't take school seriously, then time to get full time job at a fast food restaurant or whereever else he can get work without diploma

unfortunately we would like to help our kids all the time, but we know that this is not best for them - how is he going to learn personal responsibility if you are having to constantly monitor him - sit down, have an adult conversation about the situation and have him pick a path to complete his education and also have him pick a consequence if he slacks off again.  Be prepared to play hard ball if necessary!

Best Wishes!

Answer 18

I was kind of like that in high school (I'm  now 23), I never got held back but sometimes I made it by one little hair.

The problem for me was that I was bored...I needed to be in honors classes, but I didn't realize that until it was too late. I also came home and told my mom everything was fine and that I was doing homework, and most of the time I did but I slacked off in class because it was too easy.

You should try talking to the school counselor and see if they would be willing to let him try enrolling in some of the honors classes; it could help!

good luck to you and your son!!

(let me also add that I graduated just fine, with a 3.5 gpa for senior year and I have an associates degree now too. I think he will be fine, but you've gotta help him over that first hill.)

Answer 19

My daughter had this problem. I took her to a psychiatrist and everything. Some kids today just have poor motivation. My daughter did manage to graduate and actually was on the honor role her senior year and is enrolled for college.

The problem I see with your son is he is too old to be only a 9th grader. This has to be devastating to his self esteem. If it were my child I would talk to the school about alternative ways for him to graduate. Most high schools have alternative diploma programs for kids who have been in trouble, pregnancy, attendance issues just about anything. But usually it's at the child's pace and he should be able to graduate with a HS diploma in a year. This would be easier on him then keeping him back. Plus if his attention span is low this accelerated rate might help him stay on track.  Talk to his counselor about this.

Answer 20

It sounds as if your son is very impulsive and immature. He is being left back because of his test scores and not his grades. Your son needs to learn how to think before he acts. When your son does start to tank what are the consiqunecs? For every action he makes there should be a reaction. Be it for good or bad. When your son is making good choices then he should be rewarded right away. When he is making bad choices then he looses something right away. He does not get that something back untill he makes his wrong right again. This is going to be hard and you may end up in a lot of verbal spats however you need to start being stern with your son. If you don't you are going to have a lot more problems in the future. Let him know you are not going to bail him out of his problems. He is going to have to right his wrong doings on his own. This is something I learned when my 19 year old was at home. He was dumb enough to bring dope home. We have 5 other children in the house. I took my louiseville slugger and broke everything in his room. Yes it was thousand of dollars worth of electronics however he made the choice of putting my other boys at risk. We also closed all his accounts and gave him a card that tells us what he is buying, when and where. This was over a year ago and he still does not have most of those items. I have given him lots of pop drug tests and he has been clean. I did tell him what could have happend and I also took him to a hospital where many poeple are suffering from addection. I made my point and it stuck. It also left a strong impression on the other children. They know I have a zero tollerance and know what dope can do. They have never seen me that mad and never heard me use the f-word before I know they don't want to see or hear it again.

Best of luck and keep trying he is a good kid.