My son has really bad separation anxiety?

Question

I have a 14 month old son and he has horrible separation anxiety its so bad that if i even look like I'm leaving a room he screams bloody murder... he has pick up this habit around 9-10 months and i really need help getting him more comfortable with me leaving the room to get him a snack or some juice or anything.

this also affects bed time seeing as he wont let me leave the room if he's falling asleep he opens his eyes to check if I'm still there if I'm not or i stand up then he screams.

the weird part is it is only if he's alone for the most part (sometimes it doesn't matter if he's not)

if I'm with my friend or my mom and i leave the room its fine

he only acted up once in daycare

he only goes to daycare once a week for and hour ( i have a parenting group) we get together and the children all go into a "daycare" 4 volunteer babysitters he plays with them and the other kids and is usually fine

otherwise its mommy 24/7 I'm a stay at home mom and dad works nights and sees him all day

we are trying the cry it out methode (leave 5 min, come back, soothe, if he is still not sleeping repeat.) we started a few days ago and he sleeps through the night mostly and soothes himself to sleep, but his anxiety hasn't changed

Answer 1

stay

posative

Answer 2

We started doing controlled crying at bedtimes when my daughter was 9 months old. Enough was enough! We tried the 5 minute, then soothe thing, but found it made things worse. So we just leave her to it.

Other than bedtimes, I indulged her seperation anxiety to the best of my ability. My theory is if you give them what they need, they can feel secure enough to move out of the phase. I think it's best to look at these things as normal, annoying, but normal. Not as character flaws that need to be fixed. Fears have a purpose, they are not things to be punished for.

Answer 3

When babies get to be around 9 months old they begin to be aware that they aren't one person with their mother.  Before that, they don't really have the concept of being separate people.  They're too little to understand that if their mother leaves she'll be back.  They all tend to go through it, and the phase gradually passes as they get, maybe, closer to fifteen months or so (maybe a little later, they're all different).

It's kind of inconvenient and a little frustrating/challenging when they go through that, but it does pass.  In the meantime, I think you should just do what you can to reassure him (and try to keep the times you leave him to a minimum for now); and he'll get past it, probably in another month or so.

Something parents do is try to figure out how to "put one over on" their baby, and then it makes things worse; because the baby/toddler figures out that the parents are actually "plotting" to do the thing he's worried about.  It's better to just "go with his program" for now, while he's scared and worried.  That helps him feel reassured while he's uncertain, and it will help him feel more secure.   A secure baby is a happy one and one that moves out of phases fairly quickly.

Parents sometimes worry that something will be a pattern.  For the most part, if a child is doing something when it's what every child his age does, there's no worry about it becoming a pattern forever.