My son is 11, has ADHD, and is a clepto. It seems like we have tried everything, what should we do?

Question

He's a kind hearted boy, he loves his family, and we love him. We have been to therapists, we have tried the adhd meds, our county does not have a scared straight program, where the local police pick up the child and take them jail to scare em, they said the program didn't work. We have tried various punishment and reward systems. His school is starting to single him out and blame every missing thing on him. He steals at home, in stores, at school, his friends houses. This has been going on since he was 5yrs old. He's so out of control, he can't seem to help himself. I can deal with the hyperness, he's a boy after all. Stealing I will not tolerate. He has a little sister and brother that look up to him. I don't want his bad behavior influencing them either. If anyone has been through anything similar or if anyone has advise, I'd like to hear it

Answer 1

This is likely not about intentional behavior so much as compulsion.  I would suggest a different therapist.  He needs to learn how to deal with obsessive compulsion to fight this problem.  Behavioral therapy and tips for dealing with this problem could help tremendously.  You just have to find the right kind of therapist.

Answer 2

Lets see... i went threw this thing when i was younger... I stole just for the attention. Is he stealing meaning ful things or nothings? Im thinking it could be due to attention. he could feel he gets attention from stealing and he likes it even if it is bad attention. So i would say try and spend more time with him and really dont let him out of your sight and if you have to dont let him go to friends houses for a while. That will only cause pain for him and his friends will eventually get fed up with it. BEst of luck

Answer 3

write to Dr. Phil

Answer 4

sounds like  ODD or CD not ADHD.  please research theses two he may have been misdiagnosed  with ADHD because it is the easiest to to treat.  look at    http://www.klis.com

Answer 5

having ADHD has nothing to do with him being a clepto.  that is an entirely different illness.  have you talked to you Doctor about it?  does the doctor know that he is a clepto?  he may have a suggestion about it if he knows the specifics of the problem.

Good luck and God bless

Answer 6

It sounds strange, but have you tried sewing up his pockets so he doesn't have anywhere to put the things? Do a check on him any time he enters or leaves a room. Other than that, I have no ideas on how to help.

Answer 7

Take away his favorite things when he misbehaves.

Also avoid sugar. It will just make him worse.

Answer 8

Sounds like a good regimen of spanking is in order.  

But seriously... I agree with another person who answered earlier.  You mention all these doctors and meds but never mention any kind of discipline.  I would suggest stop being your son's friend and start being his parent.  You can be their friend later on in life when they're adults.

Answer 9

Have you tried dicipline...You are saying all these things about meds and doctors. But have you been the head of the house hold ... he wont do anything that you don't allow him to do....

Answer 10

Well, he's only 11 years old and he's hooked on the meds. It'll be harder to get him to respond to regular parenting or "grow out of it" now. He'll probably grow up and use drugs to self medicate when his ADHD pills don't do it for him anymore.

You ever take those pills? They get you high.

Answer 11

Get yourself involved in a parent support group for children with special needs.  We took care of a grand-daughter that was diagnosed with every syndrome and disorder you could think of.  It wasn't until we got together with other parents that we came to realize we are not alone in this whole thing.  We could laugh and cry at what we were going through.  Most groups will have caretakers that will watch your son so you can attend these meetings.  You have to get that support from other parents or YES, you will go crazy trying to deal with this.  Sometimes it will only take time, consistency, and maturity for the child to out-grow some of this behavior.  Until then you have a daily battle on your hands and the school needs to learn that you are doing the best you can in the situation you have been dealt.  Look for support groups in your area......Even if you only come away with one little bit of information a week, it is more ammunition than you had before to handle things.

Answer 12

This is a serious issue, one that needs attention now. You say this has been ongoing for 6 years?While I see (as do others from answers) you mentions doctors and medication? but not discipline?Punsiment and rewards?   Of course he will keep doing this look at the attention he receives.

You say he has adhd.  This is so commonly overdiagnosed it is not funny.  Many times it is easier to give meds and label a child rather than look at the entire picture.  And stealing does not have anything to do with it.

Sounds like A) he likes the attention

B) there is no discipline with any real strength behind it.

C)This has been left to happen way to long

D) Too much medication

The medicine for ADHD can affect people in various ways including causing them to do things they normally would not and it gets them HIGH. Getting him removed from those medicines is your first place to start.  Many children are hyper and yes you must learn to deal with that. many children are just being children....You have allowed the stealing to happen for 6 years.  

Everytime he steals, take away an itm he likes a lot. Do not return for a set period of time when he can go without stealing.  Limit sugars and sweets, preservatives and additives.  Cut out caffeine and sodas. Do not allow him to go anywhere unsupervised. DO not make this a game. Sounds like he is smart enough to know you cannot or choose not to stop him.  Do not allow him to go to friends.  Look into home schooling or boarding school with corporal discipline.  I firmly believe a good spanking would assist also.

Possibly join a parenting class and a class/group to learn more about his "clepto" issue and ADHD.  There are ways to treat both naturally.

Did this start when he was placed on medicine?  What changes in behavior have you noticed?  Talk to a pyscologist about this issue. He may also need mental health treatment.

My sister was similar to this.  None of her siblings paid her any attention, except to mark everything with their name and lock things up.  Some good old fashioned discipline stopped the stealing and lying and also eventually stopped the hyperness.  Years and years later, we have learned the medication caused the hyper ness, lying and stealing.  Once our parents took the meds away, she calmed down.  A few good spankings and losing all her things and priviledges after a while stopped the rest of the issues.  Today at age 39 she is a lawyer and has no issues.  She finally confided she did what she did for attention and to aggrevate everyone. She thought it was funny and the meds made her want to aggrevate people and make them angry.

ALso, make him responsible. WHen he steals from a store, march him back in, ask for the manager and make HIM explain that he stole (whatever item).  Let them scare him with arrest, jail, etc.  Have them tell him, they will be watching.  Tell them to call police and let them talk to him or ask them to press charges on him and follow through.  This may also scare him enough to make him stop.

Good luck

Answer 13

When I was that age I def had ADHD (may still) but the meds were not yet on the market. I wish they had been because the pain from the ridicule I endured from peers & teachers LED ME INTO DRUG USE WHEN I WAS A TEEN & AN ARRAY OF ISSUES - So ignore the people who judge you for medicating him. It is a real illness with pro's & cons either way. PEOPLE WHO JUDGE ARE CRUEL. I also was a clepto. It wasn't because I needed things, I just did because I wasn't ever told not to until I had already done it & gotten away with it... I was hooked on the high! Well, I did it with friends & just for the thrill of it! I quit when I turned 18 because I didn't want to risk jail. It didn't make me a bad person. It didn't make my (single-mom) a bad parent. It prob. was a self-medication for the torture I went through at the hands of other children & cruel teachers. I was mis-understood: (    I came from a middle-upper-class family & was a cute kid. I had not come from a bad home. My sister (8years younger) was born with a silver spoon! BIGTIME wanted for nothing... but she went through it too, it is something that you grow out of. I actually got caught when I was 17 (lipgloss) They didn't press charges but I was old enough for it to make me accountable & I QUIT! LESSON LEARNED!

Answer 14

Every item he steals should cause him to lose an item of his own that he cares about (you take it from him). He needs to learn the effect it has on other people. Even if it leaves him sleeping in an empty room with only a pillow. And he has to earn things back or not get them back at all.

Answer 15

Studies have indicated that food additives in particular, especially some coloring and preservatives, can trigger off hyperactivity as well as other reactions; many of these additives have been steadily removed from foods as consumers have successfully protested at their use. If you child has a high proportion of foods containing coloring etc. then it may well be worth exploring a diet without such additives to see if this makes a difference. Changes in behavior may take 3-4 weeks to be noticeable, although strong reactions to additives can be eased within a day or so.

http://www.kidscanlearn.net/food.htm

http://www.deliciousorganics.com/Controv...

http://www.fedupwithfoodadditives.info/

http://www.alternativementalhealth.com

http://www.adhdfraud.org/