My son is 15 months old and im torn in two with the desicison I have to make...?

Question

My son is a beautiful 15 month old boy. He is so special to me. The thing is I hit rock bottom a year ago I had severe depression, and so my oldest daughter and my 4 month old son was taken away. My son was put in a foster home, and my daughter with her paternal grandparents.

I have been fighting for them ever since, and when we get our house soon, they will be cooming home.

The thing is the foster parent who have him want to adopt him.

I know that they love him and they have had him since he was a baby, and that he would live on a nice farm with lots of animals. But hes my only boy. When I was pregnant with him my mom died, and thats when I had decided to keep him and raise him and my oldest together by my self.

Fast-foward to now and I now have three children, my 3 yr. old girl, my 3 month old girl, and my son(frm a previous relat.), whom my husband loves. I know that he would be safe if I let them adopt, but the mommy in me says no.

My family is finacially strapped big time

Answer 1

I couldn't read the other answers, especially after I read a sentence of one of them arguing  because I'm sure someone said something stupid.

First, don't let money be a reason. Yes, it can be a reason to give a child a better home, but it really shouldnt be the ultimate reason why. You can better yourself and your situation to make things better.

The mother in me, wants to tell you, you will HURT, and there will probably be an empty hole in your heart, which could easily bring your depression back.

another part of the mother in me, if you think your child can have a better life because you cant emotionally handle having your children, then you should follow your heart to allow adoption to take place for all of your children. Not just him.

Answer 2

I feel for you. I was in a similar situation a few years ago with my 2 boys, who were 13 and 7 at the time. I had no choice but to get them to go back to their father's, from who I had been divorced for 4 years, and it was THE hardest decision I've ever made. I now have my youngest living back with me but my ex husband fought with me via the Family Court to not have the eldest come back to live with me and for many reasons, he is still living with his father. What I'm trying to say is - if you CAN have your son come back to live with you, then do it. It sounds like things have gotten better personally for you and you have yr partner's support. I wish you the best in this difficult situation.

Answer 3

STOP HAVING CHILDREN you cant afford it its extremley selfish of you.

Answer 4

honestly.. this will sound mean..........but from my understand from what you have said here and only from that as i dont know the whole story... but i would leave him be... They are the only family he has known and to take him away you hurt him more then it would hurt you to leave him there. He may not even remember you as his mother and he certainly has gotten attached to this new family and must see them as his parent. The best thing that can be done for him it to leave him there, do you really wanna uproot his life and his sense of self  and family? This isnt a question that you should be making decisions on based on what strangers say but you are so these are my thought.

Answer 5

if you want to keep him, keep him, there is always a way to find money. he is your boy, its not fair for someone to want to adopt him if they know his mum still loves him xx good luck

midnight writer

Answer 6

He is YOUR son! Keep him & make things work. It always does in the end. Parenting is about making hard decisions.But Parents tough it out to keep the family together. Work hard for what you want. It will happen. Letting him go may bring him resentment later on down the road & make him feel given up on. You kept the others~ why not me? So many adopted children have abandonment issues way deep down inside even tho ever sooo loved by the ones who adopted them.Keep these foster parents close in the picture perhaps. I know they must love him too as they have had him for so long and became attatched. If they really love him, they would truly still want to be in his life. But as his mother~ you paid your dues to get your children back to BE the mother you know you can be. Prove it to ALL of them,but most of all to yourself! Keep the family together if at all possible & save more heartaches in the end. You yourself don't want to endure the resentment later.

Answer 7

I have suffered depression and post natal depression. I also have a young son (he is 19 months). I am wondering how much contact you had with your children when you were getting help and treatment with your depression? The only reason I ask is that from 4 months till now your son wont remember you as much.....I hope I haven't hurt your feelings? It is different if you had lots of contact and he knows you are Mum, but if you just couldn't due to your circumstances then he may not know you well enough or as well as he does his foster parents. But then the other side of it is, he will probably always know he is a foster kid and if he ever contacts you and finds out you kept his sisters but let him go he may not understand. This decision would be very heart wrenching. No matter if he is your only boy.....he is your child, what would you do everyday of your life if you let him get adopted? Think about him constantly? It could bring up your depression again...........if you don't feel completely comfortable in yourself to let your son go, then don't. He is your flesh and blood and you obviously have lots of love to give.

Answer 8

Have some sympathy for the woman, geez!

Anyway, realistically although he may have everything you may want him to have, he won't have is really mummy. I know i would rather live with my mum with basic things, than with some other people.

At the end of the day though, it's your decision. Good luck =]

Answer 9

I honestly & completely totally  understand where your coming from. When I was a teen (17) i had my 1 & only son. I'll call him JD.  His father was a total dud, an abuser in every sence of the way. When JD was just an infant not even 2 1/2 months old, he was taken from me by DHS/CPS.

I more than once had the chance to get him back but I at the time was not stable enough to care for him.  

I eventually quit runnig & just woke up one day telling myself that JD was in a better place at that time & still today hes there.

If you decide to let them adopt your son, then make sure its an open adoption, just so you can have not necassarily visitations, but have pictures,letters,go to school functions, that sort of thing.

Answer 10

some of these people are so heart-less.

this must be a really emotional time for you but in my honest opinion i would never give up my own child, but it is entirly up to you.

my mum also suffered from depression but fortantly i was not taken away from here, i have one younger brother and my mum has raised us both as a single parrent so i wouldn't let finacial worries bother you and at least you have a husband tht loves and cares for all your children. i hope i helped at least a little bit.

Answer 11

This is very hard ! But i can only say follow

that heart, or you will be wondering the rest

of your life what if ?

One day , he may be of great help to your

family .. Once the children are school age

things will become a lot easier for you, just

hang in there.   And ask for government help

there is lots of diverse and voluntary help for

those who ask and also through the church

groups.   Good Wishes to you and yours,and

God bless .

Answer 12

STOP shouting at the lady, she had her kids taken away due to depression, which is an illness people get NOT OUT OF CHOICE, do you think she chose to have depression? No, nobody does. Leave the woman alone.

Sorry you're in this situation honey, but that's your child, you can't help that you got an illness, he's yours despite what happened you.  But maybe you should discuss it with a social worker instead of on here cause people are d**n ignorant around here.

Answer 13

unbelievable! you had kids that were taken away from you because you was unable to look after them and yet you had the nerve to have another child. people like you make me sick. you should do this kid a favor and let those foster parents adopt him, give him a chance of a real life. get yourself to the doctors and have your tubes knotted so you don't strain our society any more

no, but she did choose to have kids when she dam well knew she couldn't look after them, don't stick up for this irresponsible slacker

Answer 14

If you re read your final sentence it has the answer. You are not ABLE to give this child the life you want for him. Children cost money and you have a limited amount. NO ONE CAN AFFORD 4 CHILDREN. The very most unselfish thing you could do ( and also the most painful) is to let him be adopted. You will then always know that you sacrificed your own needs for that of your son. He will be forever grateful. You have your hands full with the children you already have. Your little son has bonded with them and it would be most traumatic to him to take him back. PLEASE consider the right thing to do, and not give in to your emotions. Some day in about 20 years your son will thank you so so so much. God Bless YOU