My son is 2 and my youngest it 8 mos?

Question

my 2 year old has become violent towards his younger brother, he pushes him, kicks him, and pinches him. how can i change that? he says sorry to him but continues to do it. he's starting to do it towards me and when he gets mad he bites himself and screams no mommy no, but i never touch him what are these signs?

Answer 1

i have a 2 yr old and 9 month old, so I know exactly what your going through! I have been trying to get my son to like his little sister, with no luck, biting hitting pushing, all of it. Basically its his way of getting your attention, he could be a little jealous too. My son just started all of this. He was great with her when she was a little baby, now that shes moving around and wanting to play, thats when it started. Try sitting them down together, giving them each a toy and see how he reacts, im hoping im making progress by doing so!

Answer 2

thay are tamtrums and him being violent is bullying so if i were u iwould have some one bully him and he'll stop bullying his younger brother becouse he'll get scared and he'll know not to bully no more.

Answer 3

Something is definitely wrong. Do you think he could have suffered some type of abuse> i would take him to see a child psychologist.

Also, when he reacts this way you need to kneel down to his level. Explain what he did wrong. Put him in time out until he calms down and says he is sorry,every time. Since he is two, two minutes is the amount of time he should stay in time out max. Good Luck, don't ignore the signs, something is wrong.

Answer 4

O_O My cousin does this. He's 2 years, his brother is around 8 months. It's pure jealousy. Before the baby was born, my little sister tried sitting in my aunts lap and the 2 year old started yelling at her...

Now they do the same thing. The oldest will sit on the little one or throw something at him, and then he'll hug him and smile.

I really don't know how to deal with it, but I know for sure it's jealousy.

Sorry I can't be of more help.

Answer 5

sounds jealous. deffinately needs to be stopped. spend more time with the eldest and try talking to him about it. as far as biting himself hes having trouble expressing his anger. i would say redirect his attention and try to teach him things he can do when he gets mad.

Answer 6

just jelousy

keep on with the making him appologise

He doesn't know how to deal with the feelings he is having and it is a difficult thing to teach a 2 year old

there are two things you can do but the first is the most important.

1. Make special time for your oldest EVERY day.  Make it routine and never miss it out.  Preferably get someone to have the little one or find a way that he can be put down to sleep or happy in a pen somewhere just as long as disruptions are kept to a minimum.  You can use this time to draw, do jigsaws, play do, train set, puppets, baking, blocks, gluing, gardening.

2. Let him know that hitting is not ok.  If he hits/nips/pushes remove him from wherever he is (if you are out, stop and take him to one side).

tell him

'time out because you hit your brother.  It is not ok to hit/push/whatever he did'

then give him no eyecontact while he has a minuit missing out on whatever he was doing (have a place for time out if it helps) A sand timer is great if you can find a minute one, so he can see how long he has to wait for)

then after time out he appologises and that is it finished.

If he does it again just keep doing the time out.  It can take a long time for them to realise that you will not just get bored of giving time out and it will happen everytime.  

Do not ever let him off.  You do nopt need to shout as it acheives nothing but worsening the situation and shows him that you are not in controll.

His feelings are genuine so make him feel loved and be consistant.

Allways remember to give lots of praise when he does something good and tell him what he did right.

'well done you!  I like how you put your toys away/gave jack the toy he dropped/ate you food nicely/waited for Mummy'

Do it every time you see the smallest thing you can praise him for.  You will see him puff up hi9s little chest because you have made him feel good about himself and he will want to work hard to please and impress you.

EDIT

Some kids are more emotional than others.  Two is very little still, he has a lot ot learn.  You are in a very good position for time out to work as you are giving him your time to be able to withdraw it.

OK I'll EDIT again with a good reward stratergy you could try.

EDIT

ANY behaviour can be improved especially if you target one thing specifically.

Lets make his target not hitting/pushing etc..

Put it into his language and change it from negative to positive

So his target is   KIND HANDS AND FEET

make him a chart/board with a picture of hands and feet on.

you could have six circles on it and six tokens to put on

(get creative, it can be stickers, drywipe pens, velcro, magnets or blue tac)  You can add acharacter that he likes but don't let it get too fussy.  The important bit is the hand and feet.

you tell him that he is going to bet points/stickers (call em what you like) for remembering his kind hands and feet.

If mummy thinks he has had kind hans and feet then he wil get a sticker.  When he gets all six stickers he can have a special treat.

(the treat has to be something that you can give him every day if he achieves his goal)the best thing is to let him have a  a choose from a box (keep the box topped up with little treats like mini sweet packets (make your own wrapped in foil) tiny toys like pot of bubbles,note pad,mini crayon pack)  I go to the charity shop and car boot sales to fill my sons box, though thankfully he is now on weekly rewards not daily.

Decide upon six poin in the day to reward.  Eg. after breakfast, after morning snack, after lunch, mid afternoon, after tea, then an hour before bed.

At those times stop and say

'I'm going to give you a sticker for remembering kind hands and feet! Clever boy, I am so pleased with you'

Make sure he sees you add the sticker.

If he forgets his target you can say

'oh dear, you forgot you kind hands and feet, I can't give you a sticker yet then' (don't forget the time out still)

You can encourage him to remember,

'You are trying so hard to remember your kind hands and feet. Well done keep it up.  I think you will get another sticker soon'

If he asks for a sticker I would say

'nearly. you are trying really hard I am sure you'll get one soon'

Even if he misses out on one because he forgot, or just tried it out, still give him his next one if he earns it.  Give credit for what he has acheived.

At the end of the day you can look with his to celebrate how many he managed to get.  You can mention that he missed one or however many but do not dwell on it.  just encourage him to try again the next day.  (maybe a kiss for each sticker will keep him going as a consolation prize too!)

It's not about the stcker/toy/reward, it is about recognising the acheivement.  Allways celebrate what he has achieved not what he has earned.

I hope that makes some sense and sounds helpfull.  It soon becomes second nature and you won't even realise your'e doing it.

Just ask anything you are not sure of xx

Answer 7

He is jealous.  Let him sit next to you when you are feeding/nursing the baby.  If you are bottle-feeding, let him hold the bottle while you hold the baby.  He needs to feel involved and not left out.  Have him bring you diapers.  Teach him to play patty-cake with his brother and peek-a-boo.  Give him lots of love and affection whenever the baby is asleep and he isn't (although, if you're like me, I always tried to coordinate the naps).  When you go for walks, let big brother help you push the stroller.  

Stamp out negative behavior by not giving it a lot of attention.  If  he pushes, kicks, pinches, tell him "no" in a firm but gentle voice and put him in a time-out.  Designate a place in your house for these time-outs and use a timer.  He is 2, so that would be a 2-minute time-out.  Remove him from the situation without becoming angry.  Stay calm and no-nonsense about the discipline, rather than reacting.  When he is gentle and sweet with the baby, praise him a lot for it.  Shower him with attention when he treats his brother kindly.  

It is a jealousy thing, but most of the time I think that older siblings can find their own niche with their families and a baby if you can just remember to include them in all the baby chores and shower them with affection whenever you have the chance, even if you are holding the baby in your arms at the time.

Answer 8

I wanted to make more of a statement than a suggestion. Kids view us differently than we do. We're telling them, "no. we don't do that. its not nice. you're going to hurt___. say sorry." And, we say it in a stern, unhappy voice. What they here is, "NO! I'M MAD! SAY SORRY!". I learned this recently when my daughter started playing "mommy and daughter" with her dolls. lol. She'll throw the "baby" doll across the room after yelling at it with the "mommy" doll, and then she'll go pick it up and say "i'm sorry. i didn't mean to". You can only imagine what I felt; horror.

Its really hard not to get mad at our kids when they do something so violent, but I think its important to take a deep breath, remember why we love them, and then calmly but firmly (and sweetly - ha ha) tell them what they are doing wrong. You know you're just looking out for the younger one, and you know your eldest is misbehaving, but he doesn't see it in the same light. He just sees you loving the new baby.

Alright, finally got an idea. I never had the problem with my kids being overly violent in the beginning. My daughter (2.5) just started being violent, but rarely, to her brother (1.5). HOWEVER! :) She did start to act out. When I noticed she was feeling left out, I started to spend "special time" with her. I'd take naps with her in my bed, while her brother napped. Sometimes I'd cuddle close to her and we'd watch a movie, tv show, or read a book. I'd share a plate of food or snack with her. We'd feed each other. I encouraged her to help with the baby - get me a wipe, pick out clothes (EVEN IF they didn't look so good, lol), get a toy, sing to him, etc. I also had her start helping me around the house, which she LOVED! Help throw away trash, hand me (safe, non-glass, non-sharp) dishes so I can put them away, put away laundry or hand them to me to fold, etc.

As for discipline, I've done everything from:  "1.2.3." (counting to 3, none of that "2.5, 2.75" bull). Time out (minute per age). Taking away something - tv show, movie time, treats. Being right on her. Not like huddling over her, but when she did something, instead of yelling at her across the room, I'd get up, go over, kneel down, and talk to her about her wrongs, and then do the whole punishment thing. I've found consistency and being right there when it all goes down work best.

Lastly, this might be a good time to start encouraging him other areas. Don't do the whole "if you're good, I'll give you a toy, treat, sticker", kids respond to that, but its not a positive response. They always end up expecting it later on. So, anyway, start pointing out the things he does good. They suck that up. This will also help you to keep your sanity and melt away the stress over what he's doing. I'm sure that you'll eventually start to notice those things, and he will, and the problem will kind of fade away.

Sorry so long. Hope you get something from this. Take care. Keep your head up.

Answer 9

It sounds as if jealousy has reared its ugly head for your son. Children will do some outrageous things when they become jealous of a sibling.

You have a couple of options some may not sound the kindest but they work. I had to go to several counselors for my son when he started showing similar actions.

One a good old fashion butt whipping.

Two start showing this behavior back to him and he might realize that its not very nice.

Three ignoring him.

and finally

Four sending him to his room for a time out. He has to stay there until he is completely quite, time does not start until then. Then after he has completed his time (which may take a while, it only gets worse before it gets better) get down to his level and explain to him, what you did was not nice and is not acceptable behavior. In this house we do not hit.Something along the lines will work as long as you get down to his level and are not babying him.

A book I recommend to help out with parenting problems is 123 magic. I can not remember the authors name but if you go to a book store and ask they will know what you are talking about.

Answer 10

There needs to be some sort of discipline.  No, I'm not saying to spank your child.  When your 2 year old has a tantrum or does something he's not supposed to, sit him in time out and make him stay there.  If he gets up, put him right back to where he was until he does his time out.  Since he's 2, he should only have to sit there about 2-3 minutes.  

If that doesn't work, take away his favorite toys for a limited amount of time.  

Make him apologize every time though and also make sure to tell him why he's in trouble.

I used this with my son and both punishments worked for me.

Answer 11

Well he's obviously jealous of the attnetion that your younger child is getting, its only natural. My auntie had this and introduced the naughty step, whenever they are naughty sit them on a step for 2 [his age] minutes. if he gets back up , put him back on silently until he gets the message. Afterwards, get him to apologise and reconise what he has done wrong. Hope i helped!