My son is 5, he does not want to write, shows no interest in learning, very stubborn and playful what can i do

Question

I sent him to preschool at 4 and now he is 5, he is ok with recognise numbers, alphaberts etc like any normal child of his age. However he has been very rebelious towards me and has been seeking attention all the time by doing annoying stuff. I wonder if he is jealous of his 1 year 3 month ols brother because i observe he likes to poke the brother's eye, push him down, pull his leg and all that. I am worried about his education although he is just 5 I expect more of him. Both me and my wife are university graduates and are proffesionals. I wonder if we do not give enough attention cause we drop him off earlier like at 7 am in the morning and then i would only see him after 7pm and we all retire by 10pm. I am really worried. He had an exam last monday and the teacher complained that he did not want to write and that when ask to write he just cried. When i ask why dont you write ? Why write when you can type? And he kept saying he is bored PS2 is better.

Answer 1

10 p.m. is too late for a kid to go to bed.  You are doing this child a disservice by letting caretakers raise him.  Take away PS2.  No 5 year old should have one, esp. if he only sees his parents for a few hrs a day.

Have your son's eyes and ears checked.  Is he farsighted?  My son is, and he cannot easily see the papers.

If he's jealous of the little brothers, that's parenting right there.  He came first so you have every duty to make the newcomers to the family easy on big brother.

Typing is fine but the children need to learn to write letter, proper punctuation and spelling.  Perhaps you need to slow down too... look at your lack of use of quotation marks, capital letters and other mistakes because you're sped up too.  Like father like son.  Take some time out to look at what you're doing since he's looking to you for guidance.

Answer 2

You could be on to something with the brother jealousy - children act out in different ways. Try a daddy and me day or a mommy and me day and have the other parent keep the sibling.  See if things improve then you'll have your answer.

Answer 3

Spending 12 hours away from him each day is really unacceptable. It sounds like he's absolutely crying out for attention!

Give him shorter days and less time at preschool, and spend some good quality time with him. Play with him on his level, draw, read, sing, take him to the park, the beach, the library, playgrounds, etc.

He's probably showing no interest in learning because nobody's showing interest in him. He's probably overtired from spending so much time in preschool too.

You need to:

*Be positive with him

*Be responsive and affectionate

*Give meaningful praise

*Encourage him to be a good big brother...let him be your special helper and encourage him to do little jobs like going and getting a nappy/diaper for his baby brother. If you notice that he's playing nicely with his baby brother, then make sure you comment on it too!

Good luck

Answer 4

you should teach him that learning can be fun to but be a little hard on him.when he act up or not listening to you be more hard on him.

Answer 5

Well you said he's PLAYFULL...so make learn fun! make up silly songs... you can make learning fun in so many ways! at the grocery store ask him to get you a certain amount of something [and he will have to count them] ask him to find the purple grapes [he'll have to reconize the colors] even in the car play the alphabet game..i do this with my 3 younger siblings in the car alll the time.. Go thorugh the alphabet and take turns, you have to name an abject, food etc. for that letter. Example: A is for..apple! [now its the other persons turn] B is for..bananna! silly stuff like that. also on weekends instead of jusy hanging around try to be active and play games with your kid. my little brthers favorite experiment is were you mix about 1 part water and 3-4 parts cornstarch! its very vsimple. make sure to do it in a big bowl..or a tin pie pan. wat it does is it looks like water but its actually preety solid. you pick it up..it starts to melt and then when you squeeze it, it goes back to a solid!  hope this helps!

Answer 6

Do you read to him? Pray with him? Special moments spent together will allay his fears. Less pressure , more hugs...it's a very stressful world out there. Make the home a haven.  

Give it time, Dad....He'll be just fine

Answer 7

My older son was the same way.He really needs to be rewarded for being the big brother and taking on bigger challenges.You may have to show him less technology and more basic learning hand on experience how to start the learning process for his age group.I had my 2 son 11 months apart and my oldest still has some problems with having the little brother doing something he cant.Its very hard ont he heart but must be taught he is the bigger brother for taking on these challenges.

Answer 8

Smack your kid around a little bit. I was the same way at his age,and my parents gave me a good slap or two when I refused to do work. It worked and by the time I was 8, I did my work and was at the top of my class, to be honest, hitting your kid when necessary actually helps. I completely changed my rebellious ways and ended up graduating at the top of my class in school. And yes, I love both my parents and they love me too. I'm 18 now and they are completely cool with decisions I make.

Answer 9

He is way too young to express himself with words, but he's starved for attention from his mother and father.  You are putting way too much pressure on his little self and he is certainly jealous of the little one (normal, I can assure you.)  Spend more time with him, pehaps switch off so he can sometimes have Mom all to himself and sometimes Dad.  Stop worrying about his education and start worrying about his feelings.  He's still a baby himself and he needs hugs, games, and attention.  He sounds frustrated and perhaps is actually gifted.  Sometimes boredom and frustration can cause a child to act out.  He is mad at everyone but he doesn't understand his feelings.  Treat him like the little boy he is.  12 hours at pre-school is about 9 hours too long for him.  And a 10 pm bedtime is way too late.  You have to take some time and enjoy him because he will be grown before you know it.

Answer 10

could have ADHD

Answer 11

If he doesn't really want to learn, you can try to make it fun. Make fun songs so he can memorize things in a fun way. You can also make fun games! Include family and friends to make things even more fun! Make your son love LEARNING!

Answer 12

First of all your son is olny five years old. He is a kid. You should make education more fun for him. Like get a puppet and break word into sylables. Or get flash cards for any subject a make a little games out of it. If you do that he'll know that you are spending time with him doing all this.

Answer 13

It sounds like he's in a stressful situation at school.  They gave an exam at age 5?  

If you ask a child to do something that is already under stress, it's simply going to cause more stress.  So for the teacher to ask a student to write, rather than the writing happening spontaneously, the child will often clam up and not do it.  Do you know if he CAN write?  If he can, there's no issue with the writing exam and I'd write that off and explain to him you're not worried about the writing.

The other stress does sound like an issue of playing off each other for attention.  This is not uncommon and is very stressful.  A great book I can recommend is "Siblings without Rivalry."  I think Adele Faber (SP??) is the author.

The bad news:  It sounds like he's dealing with a lot of stress.  Not as much parent time, feeling stressed at school, anxious about the new addition to the family.

The good news: These are all common things and if you handle them separately and patiently, with some resources that are readily available (just spend a few hours in a book store sometime and page through some books to find ones you like), it can be handled well.

Some suggestions on books:

"How to talk so your children will listen and listen so your children will talk"  (Or something like that)

"The Discovery of the Child" by Maria Montessori

"Siblings Without Rivalry"

As far as the seemingly small amount of time you spend with your child, every good parent wishes they could spend more time with their child.  Make sure the time you spend is about quality; not quantity.  Granted, more time with him would help some of this, but be sure what time you do have, he is such an important focus of that time.  Too often, we bring home work problems, exhaustion, etc.  Let your son be your SOURCE of your energy when you're tired.  Take the time to really enjoy him.

Matt

Answer 14

A child at this age needs more attention,  he is being left alone for a  long period of time (without parents).  This is the age when they need both the parents.  Especially if theres a younger child in the home, yes of course he does needs, expects attention.  Give yourselfs time to spend with them.  Make learning a game not a "you have too" kind of thing. Most importantly (since it might be jealously and not too much time spend with him)  make time for the entire family to sit and play together without making your youngest child or your 5 year old lesser or most important.

Answer 15

Try to find time to spend it for his learning as parent-child bonding is very important esp. in his growing years. Playing with him is a learning to him so when you play act like you are like his age and try to encourage him little by little. Stay him away from any games which would caught his attention during his learning and as much as possible put it in his mind that there is always a time for playing PS2 like  he can play whatever any games he wants just as long as he is done studying his lessons.Appreciation is also very important bec this way he knows that anybody could appreciate what he is doing and that his confidence increases so he will exert effort next time. I think what is lacking is parents time and he was not been given so much attention.

I have a son who just turned 6 last month.He started going school at the age of 4.From school they were given 3 periodic exams, 3 unit exams for the whole school year  w/c aside from every Friday quizzes. Teaching a child at early ages is a great foundation in building self confidences.

Answer 16

He goes to bed way too late for a 5 year old.

Answer 17

With your 5 yr old if he is showing jealousy with the baby of the house.  Give him little tasks to do with the baby.  Just something that makes him feel more special and more grown up.  I have 4 boys of my own and I get them involved with everything.   Use the PS2 as a special reward not just a game.   My 2nd son was the same way with school work and still tends to be now in 2nd grade.  Make it fun for him.  Tell him that if he learns to write he can teach his brother.   Kids are tricky little buggers.   He should be in bed by about 8 pm  no later then 9.   Spend some one on one time with him.   I like to call it Boys day out he will love that and while your out with him take crayons and paper  and work with him if your going out for lunch.    Good luck.  It does get easier if you work  on it.

Answer 18

It's time to do something very important:  accept your son for who he is.  He is a five year old child.  There is no need for a five year old to be writing.

Think about his future.  He is already labeled "rebellious," and "jealous."  What labels will he get when he is six, seven, eight?

At least one other person mentioned fatigue.  A child of five needs ten to eleven hours of sleep per night.  I'm not surprised he has "behavioral problems."  He's exhausted.

Stop pushing him.  You're setting him up for a lifetime of failure.

Answer 19

10PM is way to late for a 5 yr. old - also, is the crying something recent in the classroom with the teacher.....look at everything...

a change of routine can trigger all sorts of behavior that is different from what you consider the "norm".....as for being

"bored".....not at 5...must of got that from someone who suggested it to him...

Answer 20

First, take the PS2 away.  Use it as a reward when he does his "homework" (but for a very minimum amount of time.  For a 5-year-old I would say no more than 1/2 hour).  There might be some underlying resentment or jealousy toward his brother.  Five year olds don't yet know how to express jealousy or anger with words so it's usually done through physical actions.  Set aside an hour or so a night (after the baby is in bed so there are no distractions from him, which could further your son's resentment) to do something special with him.  Read books, color, play a game, etc.  I know how difficult it is to work long hours and then try to fit everything in after you get home.  More often than not, it seems that there aren't enough hours in the day.  It might be helpful to sit down and make a schedule of your day (focusing on how you spend your time after work).  This will help you realize how much time you are spending on certain things.  Then go through and decide what can be eliminated - TV, work, talking on the phone, etc - in order for you to have more quality time with your son.  I don't necessarily agree, like some of the other people have said, that 10 is too late for a 5-year-old's bedtime.  It really depends on the child.  I have a 6-year-old daughter that HAS to be in bed by 9 or she is a bear the next morning.  When my son was five, he could stay up until 10 and get up just fine.  If your son is going to bed at 10 and getting up at 6, that's less than 8 hours of sleep (considering he isn't actually asleep at 10). You might try making bedtime 9 pm and spend 1/2 hour reading or talking to your son.  Then he should be actually asleep by 10 and get a full 8 hours.