My son is 5 and he is my eldest of my three children but has a different dad....?

Question

How do I explain to him the difference between his two fathers. My hubby has been there through my pregnacy and deliver of my son and has helped raise him but recently my son is asking difficult questions about his other father which he spends limited time with. His other father is always telling him that he is his daddy and my hubby isnt. My son has come home crying on several occasions. How do I explain everything to a five year old and what do I do about the question...:who is my daddy?"

Answer 1

If my son kept coming home cring Id have a real problem with that, sounds like you need to have a come to Jesus meeting with his real dad, because he's s******g up his head and at real bad time in his life. at that age you need to be real careful about things like this. That said tell your son in a very happy manner "Son your blessed! you've got 2 daddys...and make sure he grins...

Answer 2

Being a mother bear you go directly to the source of the problem The child's father....HOW DARE he put his son into this position. I'm so angry at the ex that I hope he steps in an alligator pit while adding a few rattlesnakes and definitly a black widow or two!!!!!!....Good Luck Mother Bear....protect your Cub against this predator P.S. I consider this mental abuse and if he continues to have the child come back home crying and upset, then you will have to go back to court and revoke his rights

Answer 3

My daughter is also five and i have been with my boyfriend since she was 1 however he has known her since she was born.  Her dad did the same thing.  I had a talk with him and explained that its not his place and he was confusing and upsetting his daughter, that she was not old enough to understand.  I told her she was special because she has 2 daddys.  They both love her.  This has seemed to work well so far.  She calls her biological dad "daddy Jeromy" and my boyfriend daddy.  I would keep it simple.

Answer 4

My son knows he has a biological father, a person responsible for him being here and he also has somebody who chooses to be there with him because he is so special. He doesn't really see his biological but we have discussed it a lot and he knows there different kinds of daddies. Some we are born to and some who choose us.

I would also discuss it with his biological not to undermine you and your husbands authority by saying things like that and explain it only upsets him. My sons paternal family knows only to call the biological by his name and not father or dad because it hasn't been earned and causes problems.

Good Luck.

Answer 5

I had a very similar situation and my daughter would often cry.  The best thing I did for her was be honest with her.  Not go into major detail, but just help them understand. Kids are very resiliant and can overcome these things.  As my daughter got older I would help answer more of her questions but in a very positive manner.  She now is 12 and spends time with her dad, and knows that her stepdad is the one that raises her.  The tears did stop as she began to understand and she is grateful that I never really lied about it to her.

Answer 6

Tell him he has the daddy he was born from and he has his stepdaddy.  They are both his fathers.  Tell him that lots of kids have more than one dad or more than one mom... and that they are just more people to love him.

Answer 7

I agree with the statment about explaining the father and step dad, but you also need to make it clear that his biological father needs to stop what he is doing, it is so unfair to your son and it can cause great emotional problems later in life.  Sounds like this man is using your son to cause trouble and that is not right. You need to let him know he is loved first of all, but tell that ex to back off and stop the bull.

Answer 8

He's old enough for you to tell him everything, but make sure you are careful HOW you explain things. Tell him that YOU were the one who made the mistake in choosing the man who is his bio-dad.

Answer 9

Tell him he has two daddy. One lives outside, the other one lives with him, takes care of him everyday, talks with him every day, and is his everyday daddy. Everyday daddy is always around and is daddy. Tell his real father if he loves his son, not to make him cry. You know how.