My son is CRAZY, what to do?! (PLEASE HELP!)

Question

Okay, so my son is 18 years old and he is driving me crazy! He dropped out in grade 10 and stayed/staying at home doing absolutely NOTHING! All he does is eat, sleep, and go on the computer. We are in a little bit of a financial problem, and he won't even work to help our family. My other son goes to University, and he is doing all he can do to help us, he works so hard. My crazy son is like leaching off of all us, he takes what ever he sees, for example if he sees money, a phone, CAR KEYS ( which is my elder sons car) he takes it. He doesn't do anything to help us yet he takes everything. He comes home late at night and wakes up at about 12:00-3:30 daily, the latest he has slept for is until 6:pm. He just uses our house as a hotel. I don't know what to do with him. He says he wont come late, but he still does, and if ii yell or say anything, he just listens to it because he knows that i'm not gonna do anything else after I yell at him. But ii feel really bad that my older son is doing SO much work for us even though he is studying in university, and my other son is just staying at home doing absolutely NOTHING! And even on top of that, he steals my older sons car and even his cell sometimes, and my oldest son gets so mad that he is ready to call the police on him! Not to mention that my younger son who steals the car has 9 demarate points and has a suspended license. He is not helping us in any way, and he NEVR listens to me, he has no respect for me and my family and clearly doesn't care.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

does anyone have a solution to him, any ideas as to what i should do?

please answer, thanl you.

Answer 1

Be a mother and take control. If he doesn't want to help you out, and mooch off others, then tell him to get out. After all, it IS your house. He's 18, he'll find somewhere to go. The only reason he's doing these things is because he knows he can get away with them, and you're the one who's letting it happen. I know, because my mom was the same exact way when my older sister was out of control. A couple of calls to the police, and she was straightened out. When he steals your other sons car, call the police. So what if he goes to jail? It's normal for you to worry what will happen to him, but as a mother you should want to get him ready for the real world as much as possible (which he's definitely not ready for yet). Calling the cops will teach him that he can't get away with stealing things from people, and that there are consequences for his actions. You will only better him by doing this. If you let it go it WILL get worse. Maybe he'll get violent, or start stealing even bigger amounts of money, maybe even credit cards. You need to crack down on him. And if he doesn't like the rules then kick him out until he's ready to grow up. I hope this helps and I wish you luck.

Answer 2

My mother let my brother stay home while I went to college worked hard and attained my goals. He did nothing to help the family. He mooched off of her untill he was 55 still living in her house for free 4 years after she died due to complications that he caused her... 2 broken legs. You can sit there and make excuses and do nothing like my mom did and end up with some bum in your house forever or you can kick him out and let him realize that there's no free ride. It's so unfair to your other child who's working hard for everything while you sit there and accept his lazyness at home. Guess what? Mom lost all her other kids because she favored the son who was a mooch, who did drugs, got drunk and wasn't held responsible for a single thing. So get a clue and get rid of the mooch before he ends up staying there forever.

Answer 3

Kick his butt to the curb. He is 18 time for some tough love

Answer 4

WOW 18...   he should know better!

Kick him out!!!!

It must be a hard thing to do as a parent but he will soon learn!

Answer 5

Kick him out and if he breaks in call the cops.

Answer 6

This sounds like your fault. Why did you let him drop out? You are the boss of him until age 18. If you don't want him living there, then you can tell him to find an apartment. Why do you allow him a computer if he can't help around the house. You could also keep your stuff away from him, like hide your stuff that he can't steal it. WHy do you let him come home that late. You need to set a curfew for him. You need to take charge here if you don't want your son walking all over you. Maybey you need to contact some type of disiplinarian.

I don't want to make you feel guilty; I'm trying to make you understand that you are the boss here and If you want him to act different then you need to make him see who's boss. I really don't know what to tell you other than hire someone like super nanny. But then again he's 18. Kick him out of the house then.  

Answer 7

Time for some tough love.  You need to get him out of your house NOW!   If you have to take legal action I suggest you do it.  I am sure it will be difficult but you really have no option unless you want this situation to continue.  He won't grow out of it or become more responsible unless you do.  My brother is 32 yrs old.  He and his 3 kids (and his current girlfriend) still live with my parents.  (My parents allow this - they feel like they have to for their grandkids, I don't agree)  My brother works when he wants to.  Right now he has not worked since last November.  He takes money, their car, food, cell phones, even their debit card without asking.  He does do some chores around the house and is the primary care giver for the kids but he does not cook, or pay for anything,  including his own bills.  My parents support him and his family.  I have real concerns for him and what will happen when my parents retire and are on a limited income.  This all started when he was 18, got into a little trouble and my parents bailed him out.  The bailed him out the next time as well.  He never learned that his actions have consequences and he needed to be responsible for himself.  He lost a job and my parents covered his bills.  He was going to pay them back, then didn't and they never pressed the issue.  Now he just figures they will cover everything (and they do).  Until you take a stand nothing will change.  You need to help him grow into a man and not allow him to wreck your life.  Best of luck to you.

Answer 8

This answer is going to hurt and I'm sorry

but your son has zero fear of consequence and as long as that is the case, he will do whatever feels good to him, he isn't crazy..he's self gratifying at your expense because you aren't doing anything about it

The only way you will change that is to put some consequence to his actions, punish him..he lives under your roof he needs to live by your rules..just because he is an adult does not mean he should do whatever he wants.

If he comes home late, leave the doors locked, let him know if he isnt home by 11 he will be sleeping on the porch..and do it!

deny him money so he has to get a job, paying his way is not your job

if someone walks on you, ultimately you can only blame yourself

stand up for yourself and make him do what's right, I'm sure you're afraid he'll leave if you do this; but believe me maybe 2 weeks of living in the real world will wake him the h**l up......

Part of being a good parent is preparing your children for the world, that is going to take some tough love here....

BE FIRM, and do it EVERY time....

good luck with him

Answer 9

OH honey do i feel for you. i have been there myself with the same exact problem. dont put it off, be tough and kick him to the curb.  

Answer 10

Even though it would be very hard, I would call the cops also. It will teach him a valuable lesson and show that your family is serious. He has no respect for you or his brother. If you don't take action to really help him now, it could just get worse. He needs a wake up call.

Answer 11

very sad

Answer 12

This is a case for tough love... You son needs to be kicked out of the house, the free ride is over. When he goes out next, take his stuff and put it into bags and put it out on the driveway, then change all the locks.

He will protest, but if you continue to baby him you are only going to make it work. One can not be spoon fed success in life, it must come from ones own effort. This is true for anyone.

Encourage him to get a job, go to school, or join the military; but allowing him to sit on his butt all day with out contributing is only going to enforce the notion that his behavior is acceptable. He is set up for terrible failure as an adult.

The other option is to learn the best routes to each of the many prisons in your state. You'll need to know in order to visit him.

Answer 13

The next time he steals your son's car, let your older son call the cops and have him arrested. If anything is going to shape him up, prison will. After that, you force him to undergo mental evaluation while in prison. It sounds to me like he's got some serious issues.

Answer 14

Ok its the truth.

Your son is a Bum.

Well start making him pay rent.

Take away his TV, computer, cell phone etc.

You have to kick him out.

Sneaks back in 911.

Its the only way.

Emma

Answer 15

It is sad that you have created this monster so to speak. This is your fault you realize? At this point you need to kick him out and force him to be responsible for himself. This is going to require you to be consistent and firm. Two things which it sounds like you aren't to good at. However you are going to have to be if you don't want to see your son end up a total loser.

Answer 16

As a counselor, I have experience in working on these kind of issues.  You need to set limits with him and there needs to be consequences.  He is an adult and, as much as you love him, if you keep taking care of him, he has no reason to change.  As long as you don't set limits, there is no reason for him to do any different.  Decide what limits you are willing to set and stick to and what the consequences will be.  You have to follow through because he will try to call your bluff, so do only what you are willing to follow through with.  You need to decide how much more you will tolerate of this.  It would not be extreme to give him a deadline by when he has to have a job and start contributing or else....And if he is doing things that are illegal, involve the police.  He is no longer a child, he is a man.  Setting limits with him and treating him like a man might help him to become a responsible adult.  Hope this helps.  Good luck.

Answer 17

File for an EVICTION NOTICE on him immediately it will take some time to process but show your son the forms that you filled out.  Tell him that he has until 2 months from that date to find a job and a new apartment.  

This is the most loving thing you can do for your son.  

Answer 18

Show him tough love, I know its going to be hard, but call the police on him when he steals these things. Don't be afraid to press charges and when he goes to jail, let him stay there in jail. Kick him out, or make him get a job and pay rent. If he breaks in after you kicked him out, call the police and press charges. The reason why he is treating you this way is because you are letting him treat this way.

Answer 19

listen, I know you love your son. but legally, you can kick him out. If he comes back in you call the police. I know how harsh that sounds, but you need to lay down the law! You could offer to help him find a place but not to come back to yours. He cannot keep doing this it is bad for you and it will be bad for him in the long-run. Please take my advice for also your oldest son. that is simply not really fair. he does all the work and the other son screws up and the one that screws up gets treated like a prince? I respect you completely because i know how hard this must be. but seriously, I would not just talk, i would call the cops what he's doing is illegal.

p.s. have you ever considered that he is doing drugs?

Answer 20

This is harsh but kick him out. Change the locks of the house... sooner or later he'll realize how good he had it and hopefully will want to change for the better once he sees how hard it is to be on his own. Best of luck...  

Answer 21

I would say sit him down talk over the situtation tell him you cant do it anymore if he's not going to get a job with in a certain time than he has to get out!! Theres so much you could do but being the mother you dont wana kick him out because hes ur son.. So lay your foot down and let him know! Othawise he's just gona keep doing it! Good luck

Answer 22

Seriously, next time he takes you other son's car, let him call the police. It is the only wake up call he will get into his head. Once he gets out, don't let him back in. Officially kick him out. If he breaks in, call the cops. Tough love.

As much as you do love him, he really needs to learn what it's like in the real world. Some day, he will grow up and you can for a bond then.

Answer 23

My mother in law tells the same story of my husband's brother.  He came home one night to find 4 recruiters waiting for him at the kitchen table.  He had to listen to their presentations to keep his house key.  

At the end of the night, he had enlisted in the Coast Guard.  8 years later, he had been thoroughly trained as a mechanic and is married and the lead technician for a service department at a major body shop.  He has applied for a small business loan and will be opening his own shop when he finishes his third night class in business administration.  

Leave it to the experts.  The military isn't for everyone, but I do believe it saved him!