My son is attached to a 50 yrs old man...?

Question

he likes talking to him about the problems of his life and feelings..strangely enough this man responds back and even share with him some of his feelings and thoughts....this man is his teacher at school..anyway my son doesn't seem to react with me the same way...why is that? also..he seems to be obssesed by this man that he considers him his only true friend...what should i do?

Answer 1

It really depends on how old your son is.  I am sure it is hard to watch your children go through changes.  Imagine how he must feel.

If he is in his teens then what is happening is pretty normal. He is looking for answers and thinks he already knows your answers.

Make sure he knows that you love him and are proud of him.  Always be there for him.  That is all you can do.  You will never stop being his father, and he knows that.  It is good that he has someone to talk to.  It might not be you this time.  That's ok.  

To be a teen and realize that there are other ways of being, other answers than the ones you have always been told is tough.

I am sure you have tought him the difference between right and wrong, so trust him and let him come to you when he needs you...and he will need you one day.

Answer 2

Are you married? If not - here's you answer. It is more than natural for boys living with single mom to idealise and incline to another man. It is allright as long as you know that nothing else except from friendship is going on there. You and his teacher are both adults - talk like adults. Ask him about his oppinion on this strange yet not rare king of relationship and find out his motivation to spend lot of time with your son. If he is so influential - ask HIM to help your son find another friends of his age. The worst thing you could do is to be mad at your son and break his attachment to this man. Don't worry - he could learn a lot from such a friend in a way of personal development.

Answer 3

Some times kids do not like their worlds colliding. They do not like talking about feelings and their intimate life with their parents. In my opinion it is a form of defensive mechanism. Parents will always be there, but teachers will eventually go away. It's safer to share outside of the home enviroment. Hopefully your son will grow out of his relationship to the man. And if the man is just a good guy there is no problem to really be worried about. I am worried that trying to do anything rash in order to set your son straight might drive him away. Show your son love and understanding, I guess that is the best way.

Answer 4

Children do tend to see a difference between parents and teachers. ‘Teacher said’ is often taken to be the truth, over what dad/mom might say. This is normal enough since the teacher is in charge of their learning, and is taken as the ‘custodian’ of knowledge. Friendly teachers help them most to relate positively with subject topics. [In some traditions the teacher role holds social authority/importance higher than the parents!]

For most children the teacher may be their (present) ‘hero’ or ‘role model’, which attachment they outgrow as they move on through school to other teachers.  But perhaps your anxiety/fear is of the ‘influence’ becoming paedophilic? So far there’s no evidence of it, still it may be wise to be alert and keep track of your child’s activities - without policing him.The teacher could actually be a great one and may just be mentoring your child. Then you as well would benefit from his wisdom.

Meanwhile, it might help better to improve your interactions with your son – being participative rather than authoritarian, sharing your thoughts, feelings, activities and experiences of growing up and so on. It will help your son understand you, and the current 'generation gap' may begin to close.

Parental concerns can sometimes appear faultfinding, and turn off the child’s trust and confidence. Make the home a happy and interesting place to be in for both of you. Seeing you also as a friend may encourage his opening up to you as well.

Answer 5

u didnt show love when he was younger

Answer 6

Your son may not always know how to talk to you about these things and he looks up to his teacher, hes a teacher, your son is just trying to learn from him.

Answer 7

Um, so far in your answer I can only see that your son has identified with this man and has someone he can confide in, and this man is responding. Like a role model, or a mentor. It's common enough, and as you've described it no cause for concern. Especially if your son is going through a tough patch. If this is the case, he will eventually outgrow the relationship. Although obviously, it's hard to tell from just one point of view.

It's not altogether surprising he doesn't react with you the same way. As his mother, this may prevent him seeing you as an equal - your relationship is already set as mother-son. Which is a good relationship to have, and probably more lasting. Be glad he does have the ability to find extra support outside of his family. The wider the support network, the better.

Answer 8

I am sensing a bit of jealousy coming from you. It sounds like he has had a lack of love from you or his father in his life and is finding it else where, a father figure perhaps. Is his dad still with you and your son? If not, try being closer to him, he probably considers you distant so he is seeking love other places.

Answer 9

He obviously needs a proper father figure and can't find that at home. If you are the father you should ask yourself where your shortcomings may lie. Do you ever listen to your son properly or do you just criticize him. Do  you want to mould him into something he doesn't want to be? Do you want him to be like you? Do you respect your son because only if you do will your son respect you. You should have an open ''man to man'' talk'' instead of a father and son talk. Maybe your son learns something from this 50 year old teacher. He is older than you and he has studied the basics of psychology in order to be a teacher.. maybe you should talk to the teacher on a friendly basis and that way you may learn something about your son. Maybe for your son it is easier to talk to this man, as he considers him a confidant and you are his father so a ''discipline figure whom one won't entrust with secrets or with concerns? Maybe you are a strong disciplinarian? ask yourself all that and maybe you find the answer there and talk to your son more as you talk to an equal.. not as if he were a child then you are more likely to win his trust. Also talk to the teacher, be polite when you do so.

Answer 10

everyone has a favorite teacher growing up and this is his...let it be

Answer 11

I can probably tell you some of the things that could be going on with your son. I too was like him. I was always looking for someone who could truly take care of me cause I didn't have a father, I have mom but she is very abusive. Anyways, I've learned that it is from lacking a male-figure in my life that made me keep looking and have those feelings. But if you are his dad or mom, I think it maybe somethin else. Maybe he just really admires this guy, if that's the case just let him, it is good someone to look up to.