My son is getting hurt what do I do?

Question

My step son is 10 years old. He is getting in fights with bullies and feels as if he can't talk to me.We are very close and I love him dearly.His father left us a year ago and He has been hurting. What should I do? What should I say to him?

Answer 1

you need to go up to the school and put a stop to the bullies!! he feels right now not talking about whats bothering him because he can't really explain how he feels right now with his dad leaving and all but you need to tell him that its not his fault and that you are there for him and if he ever needs to talk about it that you will be there to listen my son was 10 when his dad left us for another women with 3 kids he went through the hurt but now we are closer then we ever have been cuz he knows that its not his fault and that i will always be there for him no matter what he comes first in my life and he knows that he did not go through it alone cuz his mom had to go through it also so we did it together and he knows that I'm here to listen any time he needs me to its hard on kids when the parents don't put there feelings in consideration GOOD LUCK

Answer 2

The teacher and administration need to be made aware of the bullying and they have a responsibility to provide enough supervision to keep your son safe and provide some kind of training for the students to understand how bullying works, the role of observers, the consequences for bullying..  They may also have information on the social dynamics and what, if any, role your son's behavior has.  If they don't, then you should expect them to look into it.  If you believe your child is unsafe and the teacher and admin are not taking concrete steps, you need to go to the district and complain.  Schools are sued over this and lose.  Money is awarded, so they can't afford to ignore you.

There is usually some reason for bullying. Sometimes a student is socially immature or doesn't pick up on  social cues.  This can make them annoying to play with or make other kids feel uncomfortable.  Sometimes the bully is working out agression from home or attacking because the bullied child reflects some aspect of themselves that they don't like.  Some kids get in a habit of intentionally annoying their peers because they can't figure out how to interact successfully.

You might be able to help your step-son if you can understand the causes of the bullying.  He might need coaching in how to play well with 10 year-olds or support in developing friendships.  If he builds good friends they will watch his back and give him someone to talk to.. You might organize some play-time with other kids in his class so you can observe how he plays, provide some gentle guidance in social interactions and help him build more strong friendships.

Good self-defense courses are great for building confidence and skills for self-defense.

Finally, pay attention to how he is doing otherwise.  Is he eating, doing his homework, going to school willingly in the morning, wanting to hang out and play after school? My 11 year-old son complained bitterly of bullying and when I investigated he had exaggerated.  There were a few incidents of people excluding him from basketball games, but he'd been disrupting the game with endless complaining about fouls.  An afterschool basketball club taught him how to play without being annoying and things improved.

Answer 3

Telling the school to set them down and have them talk really doesn't help it makes matters worse.

Answer 4

Tell him everything will be okay and that you love him.

Answer 5

You need to visit the school and make them aware of the bullying.  Find out if there's a policy on bullying, and get them to act.  There's no excuse for a 10 year old being hurt at school in this day and age.  Best of luck.

Answer 6

if you have time yew should pick him right away after school to reduce some bullying other than that yew should contact his principal no matter what he is in danger

Answer 7

Do not be a mother. That is perhaps the worst thing a step mum could do. Simply be a friend, don't pressure him into talking but still ask a general question, joke around and just be like the older sister all younger brothers wish for. Fights at school happen a lot, when parents get involved they simply take a turn for the worst. I'm not saying ignore the issue at hand but there are unspoken codes in the schoolyard that are there to keep fighting at a minimum.

Remember, be a friend.

Answer 8

Enroll him in a self defense course.  It'll boost his self confidence, keep him active, and he'll learn survival tactics (martial arts teaches a person to focus the mind and body).

Within a few weeks the fights will stop on their own, his confidence will be boosted, etc.

Answer 9

Let him get in fights.  The bullies will respect him when he learns how to throw and take a punch.  In a perfect world it wouldn't be like that, but he'll get more out of taking a beating than by being coddled.  That'll just give the bullies more reasons to hate him.

Answer 10

You need to visit the school and make them aware of the bullying. Find out if there's a policy on bullying, and get them to act. There's no excuse for a 10 year old being hurt at school in this day and age. Best of luck.

Answer 11

I disagree with the comment about how as a step mother you should be only a friend-- with both his biological parents absent from the picture, you do need to step in and fill the void as his parent. He is your son and you love him, but he is hurting.

You need to speak to the school, and try and get him some counselling, as his behavior is obviously linked to his feelings of abandonment.

Reassure him that you love him no matter what and that you are not going anywhere.