My son is having a hard time at Pre-k?

Question

My son turns 5 in October. He started pre-k this year and he is not doing good. At home, I don't allow back talk and temper tantrums and stuff like that. Since school started, he has done all of these and worse. When he is told to do something he just stands there, he told the teacher she was fat, he tells them no, you name it and he does it. He is ALWAYS in trouble. When he gets home, he gets grounded, spankings, things taken away. I tried to reward him but he doesn't do anything at school to get a reward. He's a good kid but he is not showing it. His teachers are at a loss and so am I.

Does anyone have any good ideas that can help us out?? I want to get the good, sweet boy back that I had before pre-k and I am not going to take him out, he needs to learn how to behave at school.

Answer 1

I teach pre-k and I have seen this happen before. Is this his first experience away from you and in a school type setting? If it is it might be his way of rebelling a little because he misses being with you.

You need to work together as a team with the teacher. Try setting up a "happy face book", at the end of every 30 minutes the teacher puts a happy face in his book for good behavior, if he does not follow the class rules in that 30 minutes then no happy face. Set a number of happy faces he needs to try and get in a day and if he gets them he gets a small reward from you and the teacher. It can be something like reading a book together, going for an ice cream it does not have to be big. As he gets better increase the time between happy faces. He probably just needs a little extra reminding right now to keep him on track.

I've had success with this in my class I hope it works for you and that he can have a fun and happy year in pre-k.

Answer 2

http://www.drraylevy.com/

I just came from a workshop on defiant children and it sounds like you have one on your hands - I would recommend this website and the book "Try and make me" by Dr. Levy.

Answer 3

My son also had a hard time, but i found that is I rewarded him for going to school then he did much better. He then started to really learn and behave much better.

Answer 4

Please, before you do this, meet with his teacher and get her to agree, it's important that all the adults are on the same page. You said that you try to reward him, but he is not doing anything good at school to be rewarded for?  Is he aware of just what you want him to do? I mean, instead of telling him that he didn't act good in school today, take him aside and ask him what he did wrong. Ask him what he thinks he should do to make it right (like apologize to the teacher), and then sit down with him get him to tell you how he should act: ie: sit still, listen to the teacher, be share with other children, etc. The list doesn't have to be very long, just 4 or 5 things is enough. Make a card with those listed and tell him you are going to send it to his teacher (put it in a folder that he can take with him to school and then back home), with stars or stickers (whatever he responds to best). Tell him that whenever the teacher sees him doing a good deed on the list, she will give him a star there and have her praise him for being good. Then, tell him when he comes home with his chart filled with stars for the whole day, you'll do something special with him, like taking him out somewhere for kids because he now knows how to be good!  (find a motivator/reinforcer! every kid has something!).  Remind him of the chart everyday before sending him off to school and remind him how good he has to be. Then ask to see the chart when he comes home, reinforcing the good behaviors. It may take a little while, but he'll catch on!

Answer 5

Ask the teacher to make a bahavior chart that inclues specifics like including time you might be able to see that their is a pattern or a certin time of day when things are going wrong.

Answer 6

It sounds like you need to get someone else involved, possibly a psychiatrist or talk to your doctor.  It may sound like too serious of a thing to take your 5 yr. old to something like this, but perhaps another voice would do the trick.  There may be something else going on that he just won't tell you.  It seems like he was good before he started school.  There may be other kids causing this, but no one else sees it.  (Young kids can outsmart adults a lot of the time)

Answer 7

Find out if you are allowed to go to class and observe one day to see if you can figure out the problem. If not, maybe try to get your child into therapy to talk about the problems and figure it out.

Answer 8

Promising him a treat when he comes home is not going to work because once he has done one bad thing he might as well continue because everything is lost any way.  He needs a lot more rewards in class and immediately.  We have had children that we have given stickers to for 5 mins good behaviour.  The more he succeeds the more he will want to succeed and the can make the length of time he needs to behave longer.  I think half hour sections of a sticker chart would probably be good and then if you want to reward him at home say you will if he has one sticker, then 2, then 3 and so on.  The important thing is to get him to succeed, otherwise he will just give up.

Answer 9

Catch them being good!!

After 20yrs working with children, I can not imagine a child going 30 minutes without something positive to notice/ reward, never mind a whole day! I have worked with many different populations including special needs and children with psychiatric challenges.

If your teacher can't catch this child being good once every thirty minutes your child is not getting their needs met.

Answer 10

perhaps it could be diet. specially lack of water.

he could have suffered a trauma and he is stuck on Angry.

he could becoming autistic or ADD

You need to get what resources are available to work this out, but don't blame the child.

Remember the child is innocent.

Answer 11

You might like to try using the Montessori methods.  Check out this website at www.montessori-book.com

Answer 12

I'm going through something similar with my son.  We are setting boundaries at home and while we reward him when he does well with stickers, he gets items he loves taken away when he misbehaves or doesn't listen (i.e. cars, bath toys, etc.).  He is learning that his actions have consequences that inconveniences him.

Answer 13

We have 5 children all of which attended pre K. But we found some of the same problems you are having.. I found that a) my son was not socially ready to be in school , follow directions & b) he was merely not ready to leave home.. His last yr before he went to kindergarten we thought would be better, it wasn't. So we pulled him out for a yr. & what a world of difference it made. When it was time for kindergarten he was socially ready. Was always willing to lend a hand to whom ever needed help, payed atention in class, answered qustions ect.. We couldn't have been more happy.. Maybe this is what is going on with your son.. School is wonderful but started to early can also be devastating also.. You can start by asking to come in & observe yourson in the class room w/out him knowing that is & then make a decision.. I hope this was of some help.. Oh my kids are now 17,16,14,10,& 8.. My 16 yr old is the one we had issues with he is now tutoring a grade ahead of him & he has sense completely excelled in the class room.. Good Luck & Many Blessings