My son is home for Labor Day weekend from college and......?

Question

he goes back tommorrow morning and I think Ive seen him maybe 20 minutes the entire weekend. He has spent every minute with his best friend. I mean I know he missed his friend BUT I was really hoping to have today with him before he goes back in the morning! Now I found out he wont be home until late tonight. Soooooo no time at all with him. Am I being selfish? I missed him so much and went and picked him up because he wqont be home again until Thanksgiving. I wanted some time with him and now Im feeling so hurt that he doesnt want to spend anytime with me. He will be 18 in October and I know its a teen thing but wow- I feel disappointed and hurt. Am i wrong for feeling this way? I dont plan on saying anything to him because I dont want to hurt his feelings and I want him to have a nice weekend too but what would you do?

Answer 1

Ouch! I can understand why you are hurt.

Let him go tomorrow and when he comes for Thanksgiving (while planning the trip) ask him what his plans are. Try to make plans to do something together... whatever it is.

I know it is sad but teens usually don't "get it" i dont think he means to hurt your feeling or not spend time with you. He is just doing things as if he still lived at home.  

Answer 2

Don't be afraid to hurt his feelings, tell him that you are hurt that he isn't spending any time with you because you miss him.  Children need to know that we are not wallets, a  place to flop, or just there "in case of emergency".  He is growing rapidly and your dynamics are changing with him.  So, try to make sure that he knows that you will want him in your life.

Answer 3

You're right on track.  Right now he misses his friends more than you.  It's ok.  He'll get over it.  High school friendships will fade as he becomes more involved in college.  But your little boy is now left the nest and his visits back will be brief, not always pleasant and you will get over it too.  Give him room to grow up and look forward to when he becomes a man.  Once my daughter left for college, she never moved back home.  It was hard at first, but she needed space and now, at age 28, I see her all the time.  She asks for advice, makes time for me.  It's great.  A friend has a 19 year old.  He's such a pain when he comes home from school that she won't let him stay at home during the summer.  They are very close for a mother and son, but he does not respect the family rules, so he is not permitted to live at home any longer.   Next time he comes home, set him down and let him know your expectations.  You and your son and family will work out what's best for you.