My son is leaving... how do i make him stay???

Question

well my son just got a 100% scholarship to a university in another country and he's leaving.. i want him to stay.. he usually goes out to parties and i make him come home early.. he feels that i don't let him do what he wants and says that he's 22 and should be allowed to do what he wants.. truth is i want someone at home at night in case i need something.. now he's going to another country and i can't seem to change his mind.. i already tried guilt- i told him to go and i'll just pray nothing happens to me at night, it made him change his mind for a little while but now he wants to go because he says it's a chance he may never get again.. how can i make him stay here.. i'm divorced and alone

Answer 1

It sounds like to me that you're being very selfish!

This is an amazing opportunity for your son! You, as his mother, should be proud that he's earned such an accomplishment. You, as his mother, should let him explore those horizions.

It isn't his job to take care of you. You're a grown woman, he's a grown man. Take control of your own life and don't hold your son back from making the best out of HIS life because you can't face yours alone.

I think your problem is that rather than going out, making friends, recovering from your divorce by developing new relationships, you clung to your son. If you don't let him go, he'll always be resentful of you for being so selfish.

It's his life. Cut the cord and get on with yours.

Answer 2

ya gotta let your son go somtime he is a adult

Answer 3

Wow. That sounds very selfish to me. Your son has a chance to study overseas for free and you try to guilt him not to go? You say he is 22 and you won't let him go to a party to be with his freinds? I understand that you are afraid by yourself, but it's not fair to force him to be your bodyguard when he can better himself with a free education. You need to get active again. Life is too short to be held hostage by fear and repression. get out there and join activites, perhaps a gym or a social club from you church or neighborhood. Meet someone for yourself. Cut the apron strings mom. Get a German Sheppard. They are loyal, fun and protective. It is time to move on.  

Answer 4

let him go

now he is grown up

Answer 5

im sorry but you are being really selfish and not thinking about your sons life you are just thinking about yourself. you have obviously brought him up well because he is intelligent and wants to better himself and he deserves to go because he has worked for it. if you make him feel guilty and stop him going he will resent you and your relationship with him will never be the same again. stop telling him what to do he is a man not a child or your servant. get a life of your own and meet people or get a job. dont do this you are a very selfish lady and its time to let you intelligent son make a life for himself. i hope he goes because he is right he wont get this opportunity again.do you want him to be some sad mummys boy forever, what about if he meets a girl and wants to get married are you going to stop that as well

Answer 6

This is another stage of development in your son's (and your) life, "cutting the apron strings".  It's a very emotional and exciting time for both of you.  Your relationship is evolving from mother and dependant child to mother and adult son.  It's obvious you've done a good job as a mother, he got a scholarship and is going to college!  You should both be proud of your accomplishments.  

I love the new relationship I have with my 28 year old son.  He's always there emotionally, if not physically,  when I need him.  My great joy is my grandchildren who I get to "mother".  You both will adjust through this stage, just like you have through all the other stages.  You will be ok living alone.  But drop the desperation and guilt trips, it just makes the adjustment period last longer.  Bite your tongue, tell your son how proud you are of him, give him a hug and send him on his adult way.  Then he will want to call and write you about his experiences and will want to come home and give you another hug, because he will always love his mother!