My son is nearly 7 years old and will not p**p in the toilet.?

Question

He is medically fine, the doctor says it's up to him to make the decision to do so. He was released from his day care because of this issue and now stays with grandma during the day but she is quickly becoming frustrated with this problem as well. He will mess himself and not say or do anything about it. When confronted he lies about being dirty and puts up a fight about going to clean up. He will be going to first grade this September and I worry about him being in school for a full day and having an accident.

I have posted this question before and was attacked for trying to force him on the toilet. So let me make some things clear. I do not force him on the toilet. The child is far from abused. He comes from a stable two parent enviroment and is well provided for. I was a stay at home mom until he started school. Both my husband and I are very loving parents who want the best for our children and spend lots of time doing things as a family. I am generally seeking advice.

Answer 1

Let him go to school. When he messes his pants and all the kids tease him and laugh at him he'll start to p**p on the toilet. That's all it took for my oldest. She went to daycare refusing to p**p on the toilet, she had a mess in her undies and started to p**p on it that day.

Answer 2

Put him in the toilet, and leave him there until he uses the bathroom.

Answer 3

You need a better medical evaluation before you do anything else. Look for a pediatric gastroenterologist. If there is really no medical condition then seek the advice of a good child psychologist because there is obviously some deep seated problem. No seven year old wants to be that different.

Answer 4

Does he get constipated alot?   It sounds a lot like "encopresis".     He needs to see a pediatric gastroenterologist.    A regular doctor can't help him as much as a specialist would.   Here's a good website for kids with this problem http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/general...    

ETA:   If he has encopresis then it was a behavior problem in the beginning (holding in his p**p for long periods of time   when he was a toddler going through toilet training) and then led up to becoming a medical problem (a now stretched out and weak colon).      He is not doing it on purpose.   He lost a lot of sensation.   It's reversible though and can go back to normal with the right treatment.     You need to get a referral (if it's required by your health insurance)   to see a pediatric gastroenterologist.    This is just going to get more humiliating for him as he gets older.   At nearly age 7, it likely already has taken a toll on his self esteem.    His behavior now sounds like he's deep in denial because he doesn't know how else to deal with it.

Answer 5

Just wait. Soon, when he gets older, other kids will tease him for poping in his pants. Trust me, my little cousin had the same problem.

Answer 6

Have you tried rewarding him for when he does use it the right way? I work in a preschool and for some of our kids it seems to work. What is his responce when asked about this? And does he have a fear of the toilet? I know that sounds weird but it happens

Answer 7

maybe the problem is that he is not pushed to go on  the toilet. force him on that, he is no longer 2 years old and is not sick.  

i normally tell people not to punish for accidents. but this isn't an accident anymore.

Answer 8

I can not imagine a pediatrician who is so casual about this. There is something wrong here. Get a second opinion.

Answer 9

well first off i would talk to him about it see if he is afraid of the toilet or something and well i don't agree with eh people saying take stuff away i would first before trying that go see another doctor about it because i remember when i was in i think it was either 7th or 8th grade this was this guy he had a problem i don't know the name of it but it was were he would pee in his pants because he could not feel his bladder getting full and could not feel when it was time to go to the bathroom yea some people made fun of him and well he could not help it  i know that can happen with pooping too but i would make sure he can pee okay too and he might not want to clean it cuz he is getting tired of it or something or he might know their is a problem and is not telling you and i would not send him to first grade until u get this problem resolved or just put him in pull ups or something like that  he could have a serous medical condition but if the doctors are sure he does not then i would try taking stuff away when he has accidents and giving him rewards for pooping in the toilet but if that don't work u might want to get him like a shrink some one to talk to some menial help

hope that helps

Answer 10

Let him go to school on the first day. When he is laughed at, he'll p**p in the toilet.

Answer 11

I'm sorry, but I can't believe the doctor told you this.  Go to another doctor and get his advice on what to do.  A first grader should be going to the bathroom on his own and cleaning up himself.  The advice of the doctor that he will make the decision to go on his own is unacceptable to me and it should be to you.  Has he ever been left dirty?  How does he feel about that?  Leave the p**p in his pants all day and let him make the decision to clean it.  He is making this a power struggle and he is winning!  I also agree that his friends making fun of him should make him want to clean himself up.  In first grade trying to fit in begins.  I don't agree with the M&M solution.  That works for 2 and 3 year olds, not a 7 year old.  Maybe try taking a privilege away when he dirty's himself.  Reward him everytime he does go, and tell him if he gets 2 or 3 in a week, you will take him to _____ or buy him ________.  Then up it to 3 or 4, etc.  I did this will my child (although she was 3 at the time).  She looked forward to the end of the week to receive her big reward.  I also went to the library for books when potty training was getting difficult.  Try the library for resources on this problem.

Answer 12

ok well first its great that he has loving parents and that your willing to do stuff for your child, first talk to him set him down and tell him what needs to be told, say listen (his name) will you do something for mommy and daddy, your going to be a big boy! and your going in the 1st grade!!! well before you can you have to p**p in the toliet. can you p**p in the toliet for mommy? and ifhe says  no then just say well you think about it because every time you p**p in the toliet you can get a prize! and every time he poops in the toliet give him a candy to show him hes been good and when he doesnt and poops in his pants it seems mean but let him sit in it for like 30 min untill he wants it clean wait a little longer, so he learns that when he poops he will have to be in it untill you want to deal with it and when he wants it off he will just go in the toliet

Answer 13

we had the same problem with our son, we thought he was going to start to school in pull ups, our nanny use the M&M method and it worked like magic, you place a jar of M&M's in a jar in the bathroom, you explain to him that if he poops in the toliet he can have 5 m&m's and only if he poops and you see it before he flushes...don't give them to him unless he does the job, you will be surprised how quickly he will catch on and the problem will be solved..

Answer 14

tell him if he wont use the toilet hes going to have to wear pull ups and get changed like a baby trust me he will quickly decide he doesnt like getting his diaper checked for poo in front of friends

Answer 15

I don't know what tests your doctor did, but there is a condition (and for the life of me, I can't remember the name) where kids (and adults) don't get the signal they have to go.  Maybe get a second opinion to make sure there is nothing going on before punishing him .. in case it is something he can't help or control. Good luck.

Answer 16

stick him on the toilet and make him p**p. if you let him do what he wants then he'll be pooping in his pants till he's 20! it's like a habbit that he needs to get over. if it was up to him he would probably never get over this fear. as a parent you are responsible for teaching your son the basics he needs to live. help him become more comfortable and reward him after he accomplishes it.

goodluck(:

Answer 17

I would tell him that if he wants to be a big boy then he needs to use the toliet and that if he wants to be liked in his new school then he needs to use the tolite. Say this to him nicly so he knows that you are not being mean. I hope this helped.

-Tara

P.S- It's sad how mean people can be on this website and think that you are mean.

Answer 18

beat his a**, thats not abusing, & then tell him to sit his dumm a** on the toilet & **** and if he refuses keep spanking his behind until he realizes your not playing around...thats what my aunt did and now he beats her to the bathroom