My son is not succeeding in his 5th grade class.?

Question

My 10 year old son is a super sweet kid at home. He is very impulsive, and has a lot of energy. At school, he is too distracted, not very responsible, all the kids hate him (he really irritates them), and his teacher does not listen. He cannot do the work load in class, and we sit at home every night struggling with tons of school work he was supposed to do during the day. He has an IEP, but it seems the teacher does not care that much this year. He will just lose the work on purpose most of the time, so he won't have to do it at home.

I have threatened, given consequences, and am consistant with him, but I am really lost and don't know how to handle this. He just doesn't seem to care. He has already given up.

I am going to go in to talk to the principal, as I have done so many times. What steps should I take with the child and the school?

Answer 1

Your question is a huge one, not easily answered, and one that torments many parents who have children with attention issues.

Focus first on how you can help your son be more on task in school.  This will be key, and it will help reduce the stress at home.  Remember that your son is probably very stressed by all of this, and needs to relax sometimes, just like other children.  Teach him some focusing techniques, such as  taking a few deep breaths and consciously trying to focus on what the teacher is saying.  I know you have probably done this many times before, but talk to his teacher again.  While the principal may have some influence, it is the teacher you really need to get to.   See if you two can work together to improve your child's world.  Find out if there are ways to decrease the amount of homework.  If he has an IEP, do you have a copy of it?  Ask to discuss the IEP (I am Canadian, so if you are from the USA what we do here may not apply to you), since there must be something not quite right with it if your son is so frustrated.

Is there a way for you to stop being the "homework police"?  Is there someone else who can take on that role - a cousin, a neighbor high school student, etc., so that you don't have to be the "bad guy"?  Your son may respond better to a male high school student who can understand his issues a little and also be a good role model for your son.  Make sure that he gets to take a break after school before tackling homework.  He is just a little boy, and he needs some relief from the anxiety this situation is probably producing.  At least for a while you need to be just "mom", the person who loves him unconditionally.

I don't know if your son has ADHD, but he is showing characteristics often associated with ADHD.  See if there is an ADHD parent support group in your area.  You would get lots of ideas there.  You are not alone in this - many parents out there are facing similar issues.  

I know these thoughts will not give you all the help you need, but maybe they will be a start, along with all the other answers I hope you receive.  Take care of yourself too.   I have given you a few links that I hope may be of some help.  Best of luck.

Answer 2

The first most important thing that you stated is that your child HAS an IEP.  On this IEP on modifications and accomodations that the general education classroom teacher is MANDATED by federal law to provide.  It has nothing to do with whether the teacher cares or not she/he HAS to provide those accomodations and modifications.  The Sped teacher should be the one to make sure the classroom teacher has a copy of those.  If you are not happy with what is happening with your child, take a copy of the IEP and go visit the Director of Sped for your district, tell them that if this is not resolved that you will proceed with a due process hearing,,one of your rights under special education. let me know how it goes..a veteran sped teacher

Answer 3

It really is time the school took some responsibility for your son's education. Look at his IEP and the targets on it, are they realistic and are they things he does need to work on? Make an appointment to go into school and see his teacher and the special needs coordinator. He may need more or different help. Don't let him suffer like this any longer. As his parent you are at the moment going to have to fight his battles for him. Tell them how you feel and don't accept no as an answer. If they still won't help you are going to have to take your complaint about your son's education further. Good luck.

Answer 4

Put your son in a self-contained class that way he would get greater educational support.  If he's failing the regular class, it would make sense to put him in a self-contained class.  That's how it is like at my school district.  Ask for an IEP meeting and tell them that you want him in a self-contained classroom.  They would agree with you on this one because they know that he isn't doing so well in the regular class.

Answer 5

He has an IEP, his teacher MUST make changes to meet HIS level. YOU can also choose how much homework is done each night. Don't struggle with him, he'll get even more frustrated. He doesn't care because he sees Himself as stupid, or whatever words he would use.

Why does he have an IEP?

All children WANT to succeed. You need to celebrate the small things with him. When he reads, give him books under his reading level so he doesn't get frustrated, but when you read to him, read about his level for the vocabulary.

He may not be distracted. He could be frustrated, or confused by the work because he's not getting the help he needs. He could be acting distracted to avoid having to speak up and say he's lost.

Since he's given up already, work with him slowly. Ask the teacher to send home a packet of homework, and give him the week to do it. Start by only doing what he wants. That will give you an idea of where he is. Gradually build his understanding of new topics. Is he getting special ed services? If so, where's his special ed teacher in all of this?

You should take more steps with the school and demand he get more help and better explaining, in the way HE learns. Be patient with him. He's not happy about school, you have to help him want to learn.

Answer 6

If his IEP is not being honored call the Superintendent of Schools, the School Board etc.  The squeaky wheel gets the grease.  I had to bring counselors, old teachers, old principals, psychologists and just plain old whitnesses into my sons IEP's to get the school to meet his IEP.  It wasnt until I mentioned a discrimination lawsuit that his IEP was honored to the letter.  You must not be shy about demanding that the school administration & teaching staff meet his educational needs.  They are undermining your sons self esteem and ability to suceed.  Start Squeaking!

Answer 7

Is your son in public school?  If so, perhaps you should consider a private school that might be able to offer your son the type of academic attention he needs.

If you live in the US, you can get reimbursed for the cost of private school if your son is in special education and has a learning disability.