My son is rebelling against me, how can I take away his independance and freedom?

Question

About a month ago my 15 year old son said "I think I'm going to get my ears pierced in the next week or two" and I said NO YOU ARE NOT getting your ear pierced, I said I will not allow it until he is 18 and there is no questions asked, end of discussion, my son didn't say anything.

He just came home today from a few of his buddy's house, and came home with 2 hoops on his upper cartiledge and a hoop on his lower earlobe, they are all pure silver and were alot of money (he works full time during the summer).

As soon as I saw it I said I TOLD YOU YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE PIERCINGS, YOU CAN'T KEEP THEM, TAKE THEM OUT NOW. I said he cant under any circumstances keep them. He said "Well I like them, they suit me well and I will keep them because its my choice, not yours; Sorry but this is my life" And I said no, you are taking them out now, RIGHT NOW and I yelled a little bit.

He then said okay I"m leaving then, he got his bag and left and isn't home yet, probably at one of his friend's house.

MY problem is, he is extremely indepenant his age and isn't at home most of the time, either working, out with friends, or at a party. I am also troubled because piercings like that can mean trouble, if it comes with a personallity that suits his piercings, and they do. He doesn't do the best in school, and tends to be "trouble" at school often. HE HAS WALKED OUT MANY TIMES BEFORE.

What can I do? What would YOU do?

Answer 1

im sorry to this but where have you been in his life if he is or thinks he is troubled at school goes and gets piercings works full time making same as you partying and never home you should honestly have some guidelines for him and im not there but my parents when i lived at home we would get into fights quite a bit and it made me more mad and i wanted to leave i dont know how bad the situation is but have you thought your child is mad and wants to rebell becuase you dont want him to go and do certain things or what ever the case maybe, he could also be asking for attention and your not giving him any. but just try to talk to him and see what you can get out of him take him out for dinner and have a nice talk and see if you can get close again thats what any parent should do.i think. and maybe if he is that independant maybe she should be paying like 200 to 400 for rent put it away in an account and let it build so he has money to go to college and if not its money in your pocket.

Answer 2

If he's that independent there's not much you can do. Since he can file for emancipation and then he'll legally be an adult, meaning that he can do as he pleases. But you need to ask yourself this what matters more: his ear piercings or him? And by the way, nothing besides pain and an earing comes with piercings that's an extremely judgemental way of looking at anything.

And, just so you know. It would be illegal for you to make him pay rent as long as he's under the age of 18 or if he's not emancipated.

Answer 3

Ok you let him get the job and the car and you brought him up well enough to be so independent at a young age... Now you teach him to be responsible! He needs to pay rent take that money and put it in to a savings account or investment for him. He wants to be grown let him be grown.

You need to sit down and have a talk with him about the important issues drugs, s*x, girls, tattoos are permanent,,,, you don't want him to get till he old enough to not regret it later. The earring honestly is not a big deal the issue is he didn't listen to you that is what you need to figure out how to solve.  

Answer 4

Ok first, where does a 15 yr old get a summer job that pays that much? Thats the first thing I would worry about, where does his money really come from? Would be my next question. Sounds like some counseling would be in order for the both of you, you because where are you when hes going to all these partys. Report him as a runaway for starters and then get help for the both of you. Controlling a 15 yr old is next to impossible on a normal basis but what he is doing sounds a little fishy to me and I would be worried about his source of income.

Answer 5

I'm not buying it. Your 15 year old owns a sports car and has over $5000 and works full time?

1. He's not allowed a job until 16.

2. He can't even drive yet.

3. You need to get your facts straight and get a life.

Answer 6

Why take away his independance and freedom? He'll hate you even more.

And $2000/month isn't bad. That's $500/week. Assume he works 5 days a week, 9 hours a day. $100/9(hours, 9am-5pm.)=11.11111

So he earns about $11/hour. That's decent, a bit above Canadian min. wage(currently around $8).

Answer 7

Well since he makes so much and he's so independent tell him to pay rent ... then let him do as he pleases. Also it's his body.

Answer 8

To be honest, I wouldn't make a big thing out of it if my son comes in at 15 with his ears pierced.  Maybe it's a bit different for me as you can legally leave home and get your own place, as well as get married, at 16.  Even if you couldn't I don't think I'd have much of a reaction to it.  What do you mean piercings can mean trouble?  I got my ears pierced at 10 and I certainly didn't get into any trouble.  

I would be more concerned about him getting into trouble at school and try to work with him on that one.  

Is it really worth losing your son over something like him getting his ears pierced?  I would be very proud of my son if he got a good job at 15, making good money and buying his own food and clothes.  Look at the positive things.  Some kids at 15 are out drinking booze and doing drugs all the time, stealing or getting involved in other crime.  

I see little boys everyday, even at age 3, with their ears pierced and I don't like the look of it and wouldn't let my son at 10 get them done (he's never asked, thank God) but if he wants to get them pierced when he's 15 and especially if he's earning his own money then that's up to him.  

Answer 9

You can take away his job.  You can go to the employer and tell them that you no longer give your permission for him to work there.  If they don't cooperate with you, you can can take legal action against them.  That will take away his independence in a hurry.

But, think about this for a minute.  He is able to support himself and because of this, may be able to legally declare his independence from you.  If he does this, you may never see him again.  It may be best to realize that he is independent and give him advice whenever you can, but let him make his own mistakes.  Yes, he could get into alot of trouble, but I'll bet he if physically stronger than you, so you can't restrain him.  Don't shield him from anything either.  If another parent comes to you and says your son hit his son, encourage them to report it to the police.  Then make your son stand alone before the judge.  I know it seems harsh, but what else can you do?

Answer 10

A 15 year old who makes $2,000 a month... really??

Answer 11

i am only 12 but why argue over earrings let him have them its his life let him s***w it up not you

if you keep arguing he may get emtional or mental problems befor he hit 21

stop living  his life

Answer 12

I wanna know what you son does for a living!

But, seriously, if he's so independent and just goes in and out of the house and he claims its his life.  Make him pay rent to live at the house, even if you don't need it, then maybe make a secret bank account for him for college or something.

But also, he's 15 and heading to parties? If it's the type of parties I'm thinking of, I wouldn't let my 15 year old be going to them.  It seems to me, you haven't set limits with him and because he works so much and earns his own living, he doesn't believe that he has to listen to anything your saying, but that cannot be the case.  I know he bought the car, but threaten to take it away, techically until he's 18, you own everything he has. Let him know whose boss.

Answer 13

I never met a 15 year old who made that much money a month.  What does he do? I want a job like that.

If your son isn't doing well in school, there is obviously something he excels at, considering his wages.

Your son walks out on you because he doesn't take you seriously, i'm sure.  i don't know what to tell you short of doing research on how to cope with rebellious teens.

take care and i know things will work out.

Answer 14

He's correct here. It's his body.

If you take away his independence it will only give him a reason to rebel, possibly file for emancipation.

Answer 15

HEY everyone, lets stop the negitive thoughs and think along the positive side. This boy is working. He is not loafing around. To me that indicates he is mature enough to remain employed. I have not heard anything of him being in any trouble. So ear rings etc. are the in thing at the moment. Why would you want to destroy him. Hey enjoy him, he will be gone only too soon. I vote for him.

( Connie Mom of 4 and 5th. Grade teacher )

Answer 16

well you can take his job and if he leaves you can report him as a runaway.