My son is such a BIG liar. how do you cope. ?

Question

it makes no differrence what i ask him he lies.he is so good at it. he is 35 now and ive believed him cos i love him but had enough now. my blinkers are off.i still have the mother love but i dont like him.i want to get as far away from him as i can.he is so cant spell the word (plausible) im his mum and he has no friends so call me stupid.except the ones who put him in jail a few years back. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr dont even want to go on x

Answer 1

try to set up a situation where you know hes gonna lie. And when he lies, you will have evidence to bust him

Answer 2

I am so sorry for your situation.  It really sounds as if your son needs therapy.  Without it he will never change.  Love him but if you have to do it a distance.  Discuss with him the damage the lies have done to his life.  That he can't be trusted.  Nobody will keep a friend who lies.  Hopefully he will take a good look at himself with your help and work to find out why he does this.  If he is on drugs that is an explanation in itself and he needs rehab.  You can start with him nicely and then let him know that you cannot live with the lies anymore and would like to not have any contact without a change or therapy.  Unfortunately you seem to be the only one who can get this across to him.  I Wish You Luck!!!

Answer 3

maybe he is scared telling you stuff because you might not handle it properly. Ive the same thing i lie to my mum for reasons

Answer 4

Have u ever heard the phrase 'Be cruel to be kind?' This is just unacceptable behaviour on your son's part, and to teach him that he cannot carry on this way, that's exactly what you'll have to do, because ultimately, it'll help him become a better person and help you in terms of having a better relationship with your son. Good luck =)

Answer 5

he should get help  

Answer 6

I would stop asking him any questions about anything that you can't immediately verify. For instance, you can ask him " is it raining outside?" because a) it's not important and b) you can easily check, so there wouldn't be any point in lying. However, when you get into the realm of where did you go last night? What happened to that money you had yesterday? you are only setting yourself up to be told lies, because he doesn't want to tell you. If you could find some way to detach a little bit from him and his business,( as people have to do when they live with an alcoholic or an addict), while still wishing the best for him, but focusing on yourself and the business of living your own life, that would help enormously. Protect yourself by all means and don't believe any stories he makes up until you have proof, but don't bother pulling him up on all the small stuff that really doesn't matter. You can still love him even if you can't trust him. If he's living in your home and you suspect that he's doing things that are going to get him into trouble, then the only person you have to protect is yourself. He must suffer the consequences of whatever he does, just like the rest of us. As a mum, I'd say love him, but start living a bit more for yourself -after 35 years, you've done your job.

Answer 7

hes 35, old enough to lead his own live. he propably lies cuz ur too involved in his life. i dont wanna resolve to stereotypes, but stop being a jewish mom (being jewish i can say that ) and let him live his own life

Answer 8

let him lie as long as he can one or one he will only reliase that what was wrong he is doing and it will correct himself if he has that strategy...

Answer 9

Mothers have the hardest job in the world. You are supposed to raise a person with their own views, opinoins and ideas into a productive adult. If things go wrong its your fault, yet the law limits your forms of dicsipline. Its not your job to like him, just to love and be supportive. Its seems like your already doing that. Dont allow him to walk over you. He is an adult now.  

Answer 10

why is he still your concern? He shouldve left home at 18 or 22 depending whether there ws a college degree... IS HE PAYING RENT? dont allow a free ride... IF HE ISNT WORKING WITHIN THREE DAYS TELL HIM YOU ARE TAKING him to the shelter....then do it!!!!!

Answer 11

Uh he is an adult and you just have to leave him to take care o himself and if he continues to lie and have no friends than well that's his own ******* problem.

Answer 12

He obviously has a mental disorder and can't stop lying. He needs help from a psychologist.