My son is turning 11 on thursday and he told me that he tried something?

Question

My son is going to be 11 on Thursday and he told me that he tried some of the Rum we keep in the bottom of the fridge, i want him to know that he can come to me with anything but I also what him to know that exprimenting with alcholol is not going to be tolerated in our home. What is an approriate punishment for this?

Answer 1

Ground him for a day or two but always tell him that you are always there for him to come to.(mine unfortunately told me everything for the  shock value but what I  did when I was kid was way worse then what  they tell me. My youngest son kept smoking in his room. so after grounding didn't work we took everything out of his room and the door. He had to  earned everything back with good behavior.But what ever you do don't let your guard down and be one step ahead at all times

Answer 2

If he told you with out being confronted I would not punish. I would be proud of yourself that he felt comfortable coming to you.

Answer 3

I wouldn't punish him. Simply let him know this is not exceptable.

But also, you are partically at fault. I'm not trying to be mean, but you shouldn't keep rum at the botom of the fridge when you have a child(ren) in the house. I suggest you put it somewhere where he cannot get it.

If he says that he liked it, let him know that he can still not have it and he is under age. No more rum. If he finds where you hide it and has it again, then ground him. Until then, keep him away from it.

Answer 4

At that age, I'm guessing he was just curious.  If it were my son & this were the first time it happened (i.e. clearly just curiosity & not a desire to be bad), I would talk to him about it.  Talk to him, again, about how alcohol impairs a person & how it is not healthy for anyone, but especially for children.  Ask him what he thought about it.  And, make sure he was no longer curious - that all of his questions were answered.

Answer 5

The fact that he told you he did it indicates he knew it was wrong for some reason. I wouldn't punish him but commend him for being so honest, and just tell him the dangers of drinking alcohol at his age That is a great testament to your parenting that he felt secure enough to tell you - congratulations to you!

Answer 6

First I'd punish YOU by saying NO MORE alcohol in the house until you're able to store it correctly!

Okay I'm 1/2 joking.

Kids are so impressed by this stuff, especially if they see you drink it, even if you don't get drunk off of it, if they see you get relaxed with a sip they think "wow that seems cool" and want to try it -can't blame them.

I'd let him know it's NOT okay to do that.. that you're proud of him for coming to you about it but it's NOT accepted & how kids have accidently died by experimenting like this.  "I'm not trying to scare you but.." and just explain it.

There are way too many stories out there of kids just seeing what something taste like, their heart slowing down and never starting up again..

and if anything like that ever happened to him how terrible you'd feel and how much you love him & want him around for a long time..

YES it's a bit dramatic but at least let him know that you care about him a great deal..

and throw in there a few times that it's awesome that he can come to you about it.. and he should continue.

(my mom told me the same thing when it came to boys & I always went to her.. and didn't do anything until I was well over 21 yrs old cause of what she said to me -a lil dif example but a good outcome of communication)

Answer 7

If you punish him, he isn't gonna want to come talk to you again. Just talk to him about how he isn't allowed to do that and how their will be consequences if he continues to do it... and then keep a close eye on the booze.

Answer 8

OK. So expalin to him that your WARNING HIM cuz this is the first time.. and yes you want him to come to you... BUT tell him that next time you will be grounding him from hangin with friends. Explain and show pics of what happens to kids when they drink.

Kids do what they see... But explain to him that YOUR over 21 and that makes it diffrent.

GOOD LUCK

Answer 9

dont punish him . he will not tell you. you ask nicely and friendly .

Answer 10

wow RUM...First hide that bottle, and get a Bottle of Vermouth, and put it back in the fridge...

Or even better put Vermouth  or  peppermint snops in a empty rum bottle, and wait...for the screams...

but seriously, tell him, that alcohol is not for 11 year olds, it can really mess up their brain...

Tell him it will do more damage then being tied to a chair and being forced to watch Barney (kid show) tapes over and over... (sorry I just had to)...lol

Answer 11

dont punish him. he told u so that means hes thinking. tell him what it can do to him and tell him if he does it again u will punish him. then make sure he doesnt.

Answer 12

dont punish him just tell him that it is not tolerated in your house and explain what alcohol does to people, or maybe have him write you a paper about all the neg effects of alcohol

Answer 13

First answerer took the words right out of my mouth.

Answer 14

Tell him he was wrong. You appreciate his honesty. That alcohol is too dangerous for you to just let it slide.

That because he was man enough to tell you he is man enough to help decide his punishment. Then as parents you decide with him what is fair. It took a lot of guts and a good relationship with your son for him to come to you , all kids will taste it eventually. WTG on having that relationship

Answer 15

I'm not judging you just asking.

1st

Well it all depends have you talked to him about it before?  Do you keep it where it could be reached?  If so, then you need to ask yourself why should I punish him when i haven't talk to him about it.  In this case I would make him do some research on how bad alcholol can be, like a 150 word report.  That would teach him why it's not good to drink alcholol and also it would punish him with work that's what kids hate the most homework.

2nd

If you have talked to him about it, then i would suggest that you take something away from him for 1 week and still have him write that report. Don't forget most kids won't tell you that they did something like that.  I would take that into CONSIDERATION.

After you have research and write the report, sit down together as a family and discusses it.  Maybe he'll have questions. Like why do people even drink it if it's so bad?  

Good luck!!

Answer 16

you need to be upfront and talk to him as you would your peer about this just tell him about alcohol and that he can not have any until he is older and explain why and the effects it has on younger bodies.  and put it out of his reach well since he is older move it to some where that he isnt going to relize it is at or look for it. and if that doesnt work.. let him try something that is nasty, which will totally turn him off from it.

Answer 17

If you don't want him to drink alcohol, then don't have it readily available in the house. I wouldn't ground him or anything. Just let him know the effects of alcohol. He didn't get drunk or anything. Just let him know what it can do to his brain, others, alcoholism, drunk driving, etc.

Answer 18

He came to you and fessed up.  I have to say, it sounds like more of a chance for a discussion about alcohol -- why you drink it, what the possible dangers are, etc rather than a time for punishment.  I'm not advocating letting a 10 or 11 year old get drunk or even have a beer, but tasting it isn't going to hurt them.  In fact, the less taboo alcohol is and the more he learns responsible behavior (which hopefully you're modelling), the more likely he is to drink responsibly as a teenager and adult.

Catherine

Answer 19

ya def don't yell at the kid...hes only 10 just tell him how thats not allowed.  But make sure its in a way where he can still come to you with things on his mind.

Answer 20

I would not punish him this time, but give him a warning that drinking will not be tolerated in the future and make known the consequences.

Answer 21

Since he was mature enough to tell you I wouldnt punish him. I would talk to him explain that alcohol is for when your over 21 and if he does it again he will be punished. Then I would put the alcohol in a cabinet that he cant get to. Put a lock on the cabinet or something like that.

Answer 22

One of the reasons he told you was to test your limits as to what he can get away with.  I believe that if you do not give a consequence for the behavior, that is telling the child that he can get away with other things in the future if he just tells you about it.  Without appropriate limits, who knows what he will do next.  I would verbalize to him that he did a very mature thing by taking responsibility and telling you.  Then I would have him take part in deciding what an appropriate punishment would be so that he truly can learn from the experience.

Answer 23

I wouldn't punish him for it...he was honest enough to tell you that he did it.  I agree with the previous poster...if you punish him, he will be reluctant to come to you with problems or anything that may be on his mind.  I believe there should be consequences if he tries it again, though, regardless of whether or not he comes to you.  No allowance or social activities for 2 weeks?  It's hard to say.  Only you know what would really get to your son.  You should be proud of him for being truthful with you, full well knowing that he could get into trouble and yet talking to you anyway.

Answer 24

If you make alcohol out to be a big deal to him (and this happens a lot) he will then attach a "forbidden" idea about it and when he gets to be 21 he will over doit as many young people do and it becomes a huge problem. Example: in Europe most families have  wine with dinner event the children it is part of thier culture and they grow up knowing the proper use of it. Lets just say that Europe doesn't have the high incidents of young adult statistic at 50%  as the US does from alcohol related deaths of people under the age of 25.

Just something to think about. You might think about educating him about the facts about alcohol use and abuse rather than punishing him. And be positive and thank him for being him for being honest with you so that he will continue to do so in the future.

Answer 25

tell him exactly what your telling us....."Honey, I want you to know that you can come to me and tell me anything and Im so proud that you did. Why did you want to try the Rum? Was it because you see your father and I drink it and wanted to know what it is like? Alochol is not for children, first of all you could get your father and I in alot of trouble if anyone found out your drinking our alochol because its illegal for anyone under the age of 21 to drink it. I know that you know better and the reason you told me is because you felt guilty. Im sorry but Im going to have to take away a privilage for a week."

Answer 26

My dad said this to me when I told him I had tried smoking pot.

"I understand every child experiments with these types of things, but if I hear of you doing it again I will break your @*#$&*$ arms"

My dad was in no way abusive, a great father who raised me from 10 on when my mom left. But I knew he meant business of course I knew he would not break my arms, but it scared the you know what out of me. LOL