My son is turning 16 and as a present he wants me to come up with a 'right of passage' for him. Help.?

Question

He loves history and has noticed that many ancient cultures had a 'right of passage' for boys at around the age of 16, to enter into manhood. Our culture really doesn't have that, but he'd like me to come up with one for his present. We live in a big city and I don't want to send him off by himself for a weekend or anything that drastic. It has to be somewhat safe (the mom in me coming out..) Please no jokes, this is important to him. Thanks in advance for your answers!

Answer 1

That is not something a woman can set up for a young man. God bless your heart for wanting to but honestly darlin, see if you can find a male friend who can do it? (I gather you aren't with the young man's father?. And you're left holding the bag?) If you aren't and I'm wrong then leave that "rite of passage" to his father. Even if you have to beat him on the head with a cast iron frying pan to get him to do it.

A young mans rite of passage has to be dealt with by a man.

Bless your heart and your love for your son, you seem to know something about the boys and their needs in growing into a man. But please, for this, find a man you can trust and have him work the details and the rites.

When it is over don't ask the son about it. Let him tell you.

All the best to you and your boy.

Answer 2

I love the idea!  Check out this website:

http://www.ritesofpassagevisionquest.org...

Answer 3

Send him on a "vision quest", that's what they did in mesoamerican times with native americans....the vision quest took the boy and he became a "man" when the rite of passage was technically completed.....

Answer 4

Fight to the death with his boyhood dog.

Answer 5

I'll soon be 70 & remember my rite of passage as set up by Grand Father & Dad.  I was given a small ax & knife & left to survive in the woods for 1 week.  Getting food & water while building a fire & shelter was quite a chore, but I made it, even though I lost 10 lbs that week.

I would not suggest that for kids today, but a rite of passage must include not only a ceremony to celebrate the passage, but some task that requires preperation & some difficulty in accomplishing. Several of my friends back then had a "N'ear do well" uncle take them out to a local house of ill repute & purchase them a drink & a woman.  Cuckle, not something I'd suggest for today's moms.  

I simply take my grandkids out in the pasture & put them on a horse that has never been ridden.  It takes a lot of nerve to climb up on a horse that they know is gonna toss them, but we all have a dinner & discuss the ride.  Hope this helps?

Answer 6

Actually it is called "rite of passage". A few meanings of the word "rite": ceremony, solemnity, sacrament, ritual. It is hard thinking of a rite-of-passage for our cultural. In other lands, this ritual could be tattooing of the entire body all at once; putting a large plug into the ear lobe or lower lip to stretch it out. Don't imagine he would want any of these! You say he loves history - are there any historical sites around your area? Buy a book he has been asking for. The only things I can think involve money as opposed to the other three rituals I talked about. Since I don't know your son, I think it is up to you to decide what special thing he would truly appreciate. And it should be something really special for him.

Hope this helps. Happy 16th Birthday!

Answer 7

When I was 16 my dad taught me to drive.  Brave man.  I also got to drive the car a bit and was "allowed" to paint the van. Driving was the most important thing to me.  Maybe a driving lesson if legal in your state.

Answer 8

In this "culture" the only manly-man rite of passage would be an application for employment.

Answer 9

Everyone goes through a rite of passage. Do you remember yours?  I had a son who lived with a step dad, but turned to me for such advice just as in you question but didn't have words to express his thoughts well. He just wanted to prove to himself that he could manage as an independent person even if he didn't have all the answers. I tried to discuss this with the step dad who didn't have a clue what I was talking about. My boy started pushing the limits till the step dad lost his temper and took him down into the city many miles from home and said "ok, now you are on your own, good luck." My child had no money and it was late in the afternoon. He showed up at my door and told me what had happened and he as very up set. I just told him that he had pushed the wrong buttons with the step dad and that he had succeded in making it on his own. And that was his rite of passage. After that he was on his own and we were still father and son. The step dad took a hike and couldn't handle it because he was controlling and often abusive to himself and others.

Answer 10

Well, it needs to be something difficult.  

Personally, I have made my tattoos and piercings rites of passage...for example, I got my first tattoo on my first birthday alone, I got my nose pierced the first time I started living one my own, etc.

I personally would ask him if there is any particular piercing he wants (because they're less drastic than tattoos and they can grow up and disappear if he changes his mind).  

Or ask him if there is any particular culture that he likes and adopt/adapt one of their rites of passage.

Answer 11

Every child wants to know what is expected of him and what was expected of those before him, his ancestors.  He should be told the absolutes, the things that will not be tolerated by your "clan" or your family, for him to be respected as a man.  In my family my mother past them on to me just as they do in most cultures.  The mother figures are expected to hand the finished product to the hunter-males who usually were not there to take a serious part in raising the child, but who will now incorporate him into their pack.

In my family these absolutes were very basic to start.  You will graduate from high school.  You will be confirmed in the Church.  You will not hit or hurt women or girls for any reason.  But then there was this catch all that has puzzled me, confused me, depressed me and led me on my greatest adventures, and that is "You will be a man amoung men."

What exactly does being a "man amoung men"  mean?  

I have done all of the things that that I thought it took to make you a man.  I have a whole resume full of things, "Manly man things" as Monthy Python would say, but now that I am 50 I have finally discovered what it really does mean.   Its purpose was to make me go out and do exactly what I did.  

I have looked at the world and always looked at myself and asked "am I as good as I can be?" and I discovered that it is not another man around you that you are measuring yourself against.  You are measuring yourself against the myth that is your father and his fathers, while trying to set a benchmark for your children.

Tell him that and if your son truely likes history then he will know that you are joining the mothers of the Iroquis, the Norsemen, and other peoples in the world where it is the women who really ran the culture.  And if says is that all then say you can be like the mothers of Sparta and take him to the Marine Corps Recruiting Office and then before he gets shipped to Iraq you can engrave on his body armour what they engraved on the shields they gave their sons when they underwent their passage to manhood "Come home with this shield, or on it!"  May he never have to fight in a war.  There are already too many white markers in the world that really say "---Go tell the Spartans."

Answer 12

When I turned 15 my dad told me to get a job, that was a rite of passage.  Earning your own living has been an important thing to me ever since.  In western culture the rite of passage has become mostly ignored.  Often times the place of elder males has been taken by a young mans friends and the rites tend towards the dangerous.  I did a good deal of rock climbing as a youth and any new members or our group would be expected to do things we had all done but that were difficult, dangerous, or at least appeared so.  

If your son is an outdoors type, look into outward bound.  Or get a group of his friends together and send/take/find a guide to take them backpacking for a few days.  Camping, fires, hiking, these things not only serve as a rite of passage bt bond the members to each other.

And I agree with 'old dog' bless you for trying but it has to be done by guys.

Happy Birthday to your son!

Answer 13

Car

Answer 14

"My son is turning 16 and as a present he wants me to come up with a 'rite of passage' for him. Help."

That's a tall order--it's such an individual thing. Bite the bullet as a mom and let him face a little 'danger.' How about a tandem skydiving jaunt?