My son is very bad~!?

Question

My son is 5 yrs old. He is very bad. Always throwing temper tantrums. My mom and step father has spoiled him a lot. If he doesn't get what he wants he crys and everyone gives in. He doesn't listen and he isn't afraid of anyone in the house. When he gets mad he cries all the time and slams doors and says i'm not talking to you. The other day he threw hot sauce into my dogs water bowl when I wasn't home. He also sprayed febreeze all over my 2 dogs heads and it was soaked. All he does is play games and watches tv and he doesn't do much. I am embrassed to take him out with me because he does not listen and make's me look bad in public and he swears also. I don't know what to do with him and he is currently in summer school for 3 hrs and that doesn't help either. I don't want to send him off to boot camp. I don't want him to grow up to be bad and I will be heartbroken. It hurts me inside to yell and spank him. WHat should i do?

Answer 1

You have to remember that you are the parent and you are in charge.  You can't feel bad when you are disiplining your child because that is your job and they have to learn right and wrong from you.  Make a time out area and when he is bad he goes in time out.  Keep putting him back regardless of the tantrum, screaming or crying.  Eventually he will learn by these actions that things will not be tollerated.  Take away the games and the tv.  You don't even have to spank.

My biggest problem that I am currently overcoming in disiplining my children is feeling bad when I have to punish them and giving in.   I have learned I can't they are very smart and will learn just how to push buttons.  Stop this now before he gets any older.

Answer 2

Set boundaries and stand by them. Have punishments like withholding certain things or better yet, time out (1 minute of each year of his age). Don't bend or get soft - he knows you will that's why he isn't scared of the consequences.

Tell your mom and step father how to reward and punish your son. He is your kid and you have the authority to tell them to stop spoiling him if it's affecting his development.

Take charge - games (video) and TV rot kids heads. At 5 he should be helping you with chores or playing imagination games on the floor with some toys.

Be tough - he'll love you for it. You can do it!

Answer 3

You have the answer to your own question. Don't give in.

If he puts hot sauce in the dog's water dish, then you take the some of the same hot sauce and put some on his tongue. Hot sauce will not hurt him physically but he will feel discomfort.

Take away his TV viewing and if his grand parents interfere, tell  them to but out. The kid will only have to pay for lack of discipline down the road.

Growing up has a price to pay, Pay it now or pay it with interest later.

-tcw

Answer 4

if he his as bad as you say i would have a naughty chair he needs to know that if he is bad then he does not get anything like take away tv i would not hit as to me that get's you know where in life but i do think a naughty chair is good and if he has to sit in it he will soon learn.

Answer 5

of course it hurts to discipline your child but, if you dont than imagine what his future might hold for him. we discipline out children b/c we love them and care about how they are going to bring up their future children. everything we do and say is going to result on them passing it down to another generation. so if you want something right...then baring a child's cry when they dont get their way or just got smacked is something you will have to learn to ignore. my son is four and talks back alot...i thought i had it bad!! you really need to put you foot down. yesterday, my son was refusing to leave the pet store and wouldnt let go of the railing to the front doors..so i grabbed him by the ear and pulled. it made him cry but, it got his *** in the car lol. it was embarrassing for me and my friend b/c he was screaming bloody murder..but as i always say to him "well, if you listened to me in the first place!..."

i think its time for you to start taking all his privileges away. start grounding him and just really try hard not to give in. patience and i mean patience is going to be key. stand ground..you can do it! it has helped me giving him time outs. but i totally know where your coming from as far as it breaking your heart..it breaks mine too.

Answer 6

supernanny!!! look her up on google and get her # quick!!!

Answer 7

Yelling and spanking doesn't work, so quit doing it, okay?

Alright, he's not "bad". He has some behavior problems. Start by taking him to your doctor and getting a thorough check-up. Talk to the doctor and see whether or not he thinks your son has ADHD. A lot of boys with ADHD have behavior problems, but it's because they get frustrated easily and are very reactive.

If he's at summer school, talk with the teachers. Ask for a developmental assessment, which will find out what's going on and help you with him.

Your parents aren't causing this. You don't have a diagnosis yet, so you can't figure out how to handle it, but clearly, yelling, spanking, don't help much.

Please stop thinking about him as "bad". This is a tough age, even without other things going on. Certainly, you do need to get some control over his behavior, and I'd start by having him earn TV time and games. You're going to need some professional help here.

You didn't say anything about his dad, so that may be part of the issue for him. Boys need dads, and without them can be quite a handful. Start with the doctor visit and the school. The school is obligated to do an assessment if you ask for one.

Get some help now, sweetie. He's not bad, but he isn't an easy kid, either.

EDIT: You're going to need your parents' help with him. They're sabotaging everything you're doing. OTOH, they're also giving you information that you're too hard on him, so please listen. I understand that you're punishing because you don't know what else to do. Taking a parenting class can really help. Otherwise, you're going to feel like you're not a parent, because your parents are not supporting you. Also, if your child doesn't want to go places with you, then please work on improving your relationship with him. It's not easy being a young parent, but you have to change your part, too. He's not bad, and you aren't a bad parent, but you do need help from a professional. This is really hard for all of you, and probably some sessions together will help, too.

Good luck. I'm sorry it's so hard. Try to listen to what your parents are telling you. They raised kids and they've done this before, and he seems to be listening better to them. This is a really hard age, too. Please tell your parents to supervise him with the dog. It sounds like your son is furious with you and trying to get back at you through the dog. That relationship needs some serious help, hon. Please get it. He's a little kid and he doesn't have a better way to tell you that he's upset.

Answer 8

What should you do?  Take a parenting class.

If he isn't afraid of anyone in the house, good!  Why should any child be afraid of someone in their house?!?!?!

If he has temper tantrums, it means he's 5 years old.

If he plays games and watches TV all day, it's because you let him.

If he mistreats the dogs, it's because you left him alone with the dogs and allowed it.

If he makes you look bad in public, it's because he's 5 and you are a parent who cares about others' opinions more than you care about treating him like he's 5.

He is not a miniature adult, he is a five-year-old.  Now, I'm not saying he's a little cherub and you should just lay off...on the contrary!  It sounds like he has some real issues here.  You had better step up and start being the parent or you're going to have a lot bigger problems than mouthing off and being mean to the dog.  And "start being the parent" doesn't mean spank him more or send him off to boot camp...it means reading parenting books, reading parenting magazines, joining a parenting group, asking for advice from his pediatrician, his teachers, other parents whose children you admire, etc.

He wasn't born this way, and it didn't "just happen"...YOU let it happen, and now YOU have to fix it!

STEP UP AND BE THE PARENT!!  YOUR SON IS NOT THE PROBLEM...YOU ARE!

Answer 9

you have to gain control NOW cause if you don't it gets worse and worse right thru teenage years and then they are truly monsters.   You may find school next year actually helps a bit to get him to realize what the standard of behaviour is.

Most important thing is be consistent;  if you set a rule stay by it no exceptions.  and if you say something is going to be a certain way.. thats the way it is.  Screaming and crying are easy to ignore if you know there is no real issue and its only frustration.

Until they get a job and support themselves they live under your rules..  (sound familiar?)

Answer 10

Please read Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting. Also look up a book called "How to Talk to Kids so they will listen and listen so they will talk."

Spanking and yelling are not the key and likely to escalate the battle rather than resolve it.

Answer 11

What does he like? Take it away. Threaten to take it away. Let him lie on the floor and scream and stand there and watch. Don't give in. He'll get better eventually but you have to stand up for yourself.

Answer 12

You care about is behavior :) that's good. Now is the time to call for professional help. Ask your child's Dr. for some referrals. This make take some  work in tracking down the right person to help you and your child. Be willing to listen to some parenting skill advice. Hang in there. You have made a start just by recognizing that he has a problem.