My son left the mother of his children, shes pregnant. Should I stay involved with her?

Question

My son has been with the same girl on and off for nine years now. They were highschool sweethearts and are in their twenties now. They have a son together ( 3 yrs) and she is now pregnant again. I still think they both love each other very much, but in my opinion - my son gets scared of commitment and basically leaves her and won't speak to her for weeks. I am not condoning his behavior- and I have tried to talk to him about it- but there is only so much I can do.

My issue is- is she will call me- crying and emotional looking for advice and comfort- and i am never sure what to say. even though he is my son- i don t want to make excuses for his behavior and i don't want to give her false hope either. I know they will never work out their problems if he keeps it up and ignores her. She is going off the deep end- and I do feel sorry for her- like I said shes pregnant has a 3 yr, and in nursing school. My son also has a good job his own home- but just isn't taking the right approach to all this.

Should I continue to associate with her- or is this hurting her more? Should I say something to him. any advice would be appreciated. I have never had to deal with a situation like this before. And most importantly I want the best for my grandbabies.

Answer 1

I think the choice of many couples is to lay the expense of the children at the feet of the government.   I would not become involved because your first loyalty is to  your son as is reflected in your question.   You will hurt your son and not help the mother of his children.  The government agencies will pay for health care and food.  I would stay far away.  The "in love" business is more of a high school term and has nothing to do with real life.  

Answer 2

Yes, yes, yes! You stay in her life, remember you have a grandchild and one on the way. Give her encouragement and guidance as a friend. Keep her motivated so that she can finish nursing school. Tell her sometimes you cannot be impartial, because of her involvement with your son, so you can not give advice regarding their relationship. However you can talk about other things that are bothering her, like school, the child/children, babysitting etc. Tell her, she has to be strong for her child/children and you can help her be a stronger, wiser mother and woman. Please do not let her and her child/children down. Be there for her. I wish the best for you all.

Answer 3

I would keep on talking wiht the mother of your grandbabies. Yes do sit your son down and have a heart to heart serious talk with him. Let him know that you are not happy with his behavior in all of this, and that he needs to grow up and be the man he needs to be for her and they babies. She can take him to court and make him pay child support, give her weekly allowence for her up keep and  all even though she does have a job herself.

Answer 4

Well i've been in that situation. Being pregnant and alone and it hurts really bad. You should definitely stay in contact with her. You are after all , the grandmother of those children. Do it for their sake and for her shoulder to lean on. She really does need you. I had nobody! Take it from me, She needs you. BUt just tell her straight up. I can't speak for my son but if you need me for anything, I'll be there for you...Dr. appts.etc.

God Bless you all!

Answer 5

Make sure your son pays plenty of child support and be there when she needs you. Your son is a childish flake,I'd make darn sure he knew how ashamed you are of how he's behaving, but these kids are your grandchildren, they've done nothing wrong here.

Answer 6

Of course you should continue to associate with her, she's the mother of your grandbabies. Offer her as much help and support as you can. As far as specific questions about what your son is doing or feeling, or likely to do, I would steer clear of those. Just tell her that you can't speak for him and she'll have to ask him. But make it clear to her (and to him) that you do not condone his behavior. And love your grandbabies.

Answer 7

Speaking from a male perspective, I have six sons, and one daughter. I wish any one of my sons would call their selves not taking care of the woman that they loved enough to make pregnant.I have a line of communication with my children, and all of them are old enough to make their mother and me ,grandparents. In fact , we have four grandchildren.My sons know that running from any situation is not optional. But rather communicate your feelings and if you should happen to get your girl pregnant, then you will be in that child's life. You will be a responsible and physical  parent!!!! If by chance ,it is a situation that my sons broke up and separated from  their girlfriends, yes I would encourage that she continues to allow me to see and share in my grandchild's life

Answer 8

what your son did waz wrong and never stop tring to convince him to help his childrens mother

also is he paying child support since he has a good job that could help her alot even if u dont want t get involved with helping her

if u do ask is there anything you can do to make her life easier

Answer 9

If you like or care about this woman, and love your grandchildren, stay in touch with her. If she is in nursing school, she is trying to improve her life and deserves whatever support you can offer. She could go to court and get court ordered child support, if he isn't already giving her some money every month. He may or may not be emotionally committed to her, but he has a moral and legal commitment to his children whether or not he likes it and the courts will back it up.

Do not make excuses for your son. If anything, if she starts to talk about him, just turn the conversation back to her.

You should talk to your son, but don't nag him.