My son needs to apply himself in school?

Question

He has had an IEP all his life. I told him as long as you gets F s --I will not let him attend driving school. I want him to have knowlegde to help himself thru life and pass school. My older Son[10 yrs older] Blames Me totally. I feel he does not understand my younger Son. [who had been on med his last ten yrs for hyper] I have taken him to counseling yrs also. He also has destroyed many many things, both his stuff and doors and bikes and furniture. etc.. I am so dishearted because the counselor just laughs--and says" I have never heard of that" When I told him my son even spits in the floor of our home. I am divorced and his dad is in prison. My older son was in the USAF six yrs. And now is in college away. thank you.

Answer 1

I agree with bls1177, that the driving school threat is a bit too far away to pose an immediate threat.  If the counselor laughs and says (s)he's never heard of that, I suggest you tell them to go back to school because there is an entire world there that they will elsewise never get to know.  Besides, their patients do not pay to hear them say that they have no idea what to do.  

Many times, doctors just prescribe medications to mask the symptoms, and not really bring an end to them.  It sounds like your son is frustrated for some reason.  Perhaps partially he is right, though partially exagerrating, in the blaming you part.  I know it is hard being a single parent these days, but often the children of single parents feel like the odd ones in their peer group, and maybe that is why he says that.  I take it that your older son is in his 20s (judging by the figures you have given).  You should express to him that your younger son is dealing with an illness of some sort, and the only thing that will help him are the people closest to him (ie. his family).  Perhaps he is partially frustrated by the situation between you and his father/the father's status in jail/the need for an IEP.  The threat of not being allowed to attend driving school makes him feel more singled out - unlike his peers, he will not be able to drive himself where ever he pleases.  Express to him that as long as he continues behaving the way he does, more and more of his rights will be taken away (as I said, I am not exactly sure of the age your younger son is around, but for the sake of arguement, I will put him in a 14 year old range).  In his outbursts, try to calm him down a bit by talking to him nicely, and trying to relax him (when they are minor).  When he gets out of hand, you tell him his phone will be taken away (for 1 or 2 weeks, let's say).  The next time, his television will be taken away.  The next time, he is not able to go out with friends for a week.  Sooner or later, he should get a grip and realize that although he might feel he is making some statement or demonstrating his strength by posing as a physical threat, that is no way to get what he wants.  If all else fails, I suggest you call the police and let him spend a night or a week in jail (nothing really too bag, but maybe a juvie hall).  They will probably open his eyes over there a bit.

Answer 2

sounds like you need a new counselor.  This has all the hallmarks of a person that is out of control and in need of assistance.  your threat of no driving school seems too remote,  he is only 10 and you are talking about 5 years from now.  he knows that he can do anything he wants today and the threat without action will still be out there

Answer 3

consider boarding school