My son who is nine years old son hits himeself when angry or frustrated.?

Question

He usually punches his chest or legs. My son is not very social. He has a couple friends at school and rarely does he have them over or he goes there. He is very quite, shy, doesn't stand up for himself much and at his last school his was being bullied. My mother looks after him before and after school. She is quite a hands on person. She tends to dictate everthing he needs to do. ie. go get dressed, put on shoes, put on jacket, put on hat etc. I'm sure this drives him nuts. She also babies him as well. Doing everthing for him, including carry his bag to school, making him breakfast (not giving him a choice as to what to eat). I'm concerned that the problem stems with how my mother cares for him or if there is other factors I'm not aware of. As long as I can remember, he has always hit himself. I have tried talking with him, scholding him, ignoring him and yes I helled at him to stop. Nothing seems to work. By the way, his father has never been in his life. HELP

Answer 1

My 10yr old daughter will hit herself on the forehead when she gets really frustrated or angry. She always has. I just tell her to stop when she does it, and go hold her hands if necessary. A punching bag helps sometimes- you get get them cheap at the dollar store. Basically, I think as kids learn better ways to deal with their feelings the hitting will stop. My daughter has been learning some sign language, and lately has been signing "I'm angry" instead of hitting herself when she is angry. We are still working on the frustration thing though :).

Answer 2

If you are really concerned about this behavior that he might injure himself or that it is hindering his social interaction, you should speak to his pediatrician. It sounds like he has a few issues going on here. Your pediatrician might be able to refer him to a counselor or psychologist that he could talk to and maybe help him find better ways to express his frustration and anger. As far as dealing with your mom - moms can be tough. I doubt she is the cause of his problems, but perhaps she is not helping the situation any. Just try and talk to her. Explain to her that you want to teach your son to be more independent, and maybe she could at least let him help in making some decisions like what he is going to wear and what he would like to eat. It is not a restaurant, so she should not be expected to be a short order cook, but she could maybe ask would he like cereal or eggs for breakfast for example and let him choose between the two.

Answer 3

He sounds like he has a lot of anger and resentment inside.  I would talk to his school counselor about his behavior; she can probably recommend a way to help.  Your mom sounds awfully controlling, and without a dad in his life, he may be acting out to that as well.  Is there another male, perhaps some uncle, older cousin or someone at church who could be his mentor? He needs some help, and the sooner, the better for you all.

You might want to try getting him into a Cub Scouts group, as they usually meet in small groups with plenty of adults around to supervise, and that could give him a chance to socialize with other boys with you right there to ease his anxiety.  Good luck--it is hard to see our kids suffer.

Answer 4

two good books that I got for my son one I read with him and the other he read himself...one is called 'stick up for yourself' by G. Kaufman, L. Raphael and P Espeland and the other book is Hot Stuff to help kids Chill Out by Jerry Wilde.  the second book made the biggest difference and he should be old enough to understand it...maybe give the first one to your mum to read as well, very interesting.  I know books can be expensive I bought them online after being recommended them by another person and well worth the money.