My son will not get on his bus for preschool. Any suggesstions?

Question

My son started preschool in fall of 07. He was very excited and got on the bus on his own. He went his first day and loved it. We had no problems with him going to school. After the Christmas holiday it seems he doesn't like school anymore. He acts as if he's not being treated well there. His teacher explained that there is another child (who has been there since the beginning of the year) that is sort of a bully but that he acts that way with all the kids. She's explained to my son in front of me that he's very welcome at school. He still refuses to get on his bus in the morning. I have to almost trick him into getting in my car so I can drive him to school. Then I drag him out kicking and screaming and crying then I leave him with the teacher and leave quickly. Later she tells me he had a good day. At first he was coming home in a bad/sad mood. Then he started getting in a better mood after school. Today he caught on to my trick and wouldn't put his boots and coat on to go to school.

Answer 1

I WOULDNT have him stay at home, because this is just teaching your son that he has to avoid difficult things in life. It would also teach him that you are also very uncomfortabble with whatever is going on at school.

After all, this is preschool, so now is the best time to get him used to it, when he is in real school, things will be different.

Have you thought about going into the preschool for an hour with him, just to see what is going on, and how he behaves there?

Answer 2

This is preschool. It is really not necessary for him to go to school. It sounds like he is not emotionally read to go to school. I know this is not the answer you want and I will probably be the only one to tell you this , but I think sending him to preschool is really, really unnecessary. Why don't you just keep him home and enrich his life? Make this last year before "real" school special and memorable. Why inflict misery on him in his most formidable years? Take him to Library story times, the Museum, nature walks, etc.. Do arts and crafts all day. Make cookies together.  Use the money you save from preschool for horseback riding lessons or Spanish tutoring or a reading enrichment program.

Answer 3

Maybe that is not the right school for your child.  Despite reassurances from the teacher your child does not feel safe there.  Before you increase your efforts to make him go there you have to see for yourself what is going on there.  Drop by unexpectedly.  Take some time off work and spend the day there with him sometime.  

Just because he is 4 does not mean that he may not have valid reasons for not wanting to be there.  No matter how nice the teacher is you should not just trust what she is telling you.  You have to see for yourself!!

Answer 4

I have this exact problem!

What's helped:

>> Popping in to see the interaction in the class, unscheduled. There should be an open-door policy, so not a problem. (Major Red Flag if they refuse to let you.) This way you can observe, through a window or not quite all the way in the classroom, how he is treated.

>> Picking him up, definitely. This gives him a cooling/processing time before you get home. The mood won't be worsened by the bus ride if he feels the kids are mean to him. There may be difference in what he perceives is bullying and what is. He needs help to learn the difference. Ex, it doesn't matter if you have a spot of ketchup on your shirt, Joe was just telling you it was there.

>> Set a routine where the first 15 minutes when you get home is to discuss the day - privately if he needs.

     What did you learn today?

     Who'd you play with? This reinforces self-esteem, and increases the desire to attend.

     Where (what) was your "special" today. Typical term for when they make trips to art, library, etc (You wouldn't have made that it you'd stayed home today.)

     When did you feel happy, happy, happy! What about sad, did you feel sad some, too.

>> Teach him a specific phrase he can use where if he's feeling that bad he can say and you hug him IMMEDIATELY without questions. It can be a non-sense term that no one else will understand if he's embarrassed in front of others to do that. Ex. The man in the moon likes purple cheese. At his age you can grab him and love on him without anyone knowing he NEEDED that or making a big deal to him.

>> Have a "special spot" where he can hide. This cannot be in his room. If he is terribly upset after school or just in general, this is a place he can go and everyone ignores him so he can get a handle on things and yet know he's not alone. Ours is behind a chair in the living room, he takes as long as he needs and doesn't feel alone/abandoned (some of his problem)

Answer 5

How about talking to your son about school everyday? Let him know that he can tell you everything. Tell him that you'll always be there for him. Maybe he'll open up and tell you why he doesn't want to go. If there still is an issue, have a talk with his teacher and if you can, ask the teacher can you monitor him in the classroom one day.