My sons father scares him so much he don't want to go back...what should I do?

Question

I have a 4 year old son with my X boyfriend. In the relationship he was extremely abusive to me on every level and so when I got enough courage I left him...(which was 3 years ago). Since I have left he has only seen my son on 6 occasions and don't EVER call him...I have to call in order for him to even acknowledge my son. On almost every occasion that my son has went to his dads bad things have happened. My son comes home terrified.

My son has witnessed his father abusing me...abusing other females...doing drugs...and doing other douche bag things. The last 3 times he has went to see his dad he has stated that he hates his dad...but after a few months he is usually talked back into liking him by his relatives on that side of the family...or he will just miss him. This last time he went though...he came back saying he didn't like his dad anymore that he scares him...that he hurt his feelings....and that he NEVER wanted to go back there again.

He misunderstood me one day after he came home and thought that I said he had to go back to his dad's and he fell out on the floor and almost went into convulsions crying saying "Please mom don't make me I want to stay with you forever."

Last but not least....his father just got arrested for a whole bunch of drug charges a week after my son came home...things that I wasn't even aware of...and he was out on bail already for domestic violence on his last girlfriend when he got rearrested....

Now say that my son changes his mind and wants to go back....any advice on the best way to break it to my son that it is in his best interest to not go. Or say that his father tries to fight me for some reason (because he is immature like that~won't pay attention to his son until he gets a girlfriend and then makes it seem like he is all about him~)....PLEASE HELP!

Answer 1

tell him remember what happened last time. We dont want to make another oopsies. Daddy is having a tough time now. Lets wait a few years okay kiddo. something like tht wld b good

Answer 2

Get a lawyer Hun! Call around and see if someone could do a little pro bono work or refer you to someone who can. This is not only painful for your son but also dangerous! No judge would ever set your child up to be with an unsafe parent with that kind of track record. You have options. Ask a judge for supervised visitation, maybe even no visitation until he can pass a drug test, complete a rehab program or have a  psych eval. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!! No matter how minor. And write down what your child's response is. (If he cries, wets the bed, throws tantrums.) These could be signs of mental health issues that need to be resolved ASAP. Your insurance should help pay for counseling, too. If it doesn't make sure you check with your Dr. or your local medicaid department. There are plenty of people who will have your back. Your not alone in this and it will get better as long as you go about it the right way.

Answer 3

in this case No dad, is better then having a dad like him...

Answer 4

don't subject your son to his dad anymore. and if he does want to see him in the future, tell him that his father is a bad guy or something simple that he will understand. and even if he doesn't, someday when he's older he will.

Answer 5

not all dads are good dads!  don't make your son go through this anymore . Your son can have a relationship with his father's family, without having a relationship with his father.  You need to document this, and get the courts to deny visitation if possible.  

Answer 6

your son should NOT be exposed to him becaue it could teach him to behave that way. do anything possible to keep your baby safe from him cuz he could really hurt him.