My sons temper is driving me crazy?

Question

My son is 7 and has a terrible temper. He gets frustrated over the smallest things. He is very prideful and can't laugh at himself, which is important in life. His temper manifests itself in throwing something, stomping, then eventually crying if he's frustrated enough. Looking for some interesting ideas...please don't give me the "time out" thing, we all know about that one, I'm looking for something more creative then that.

Answer 1

When he starts to get frustrated, sit down with him, and have some "chill out time" and just talk about why he's getting frustrated.

Keep a sticker chart. Every day he hasn't lost his head over something small, give him a sticker.

Give him a little reward at the end of the week every time he has 5+ stickers, like a candy bar or something he might like.

Answer 2

My youngest has a hot temper, she is also 7 and also has always been this way, though she has a good sense of humor. Here are some effective methods I have found for her.

First off if they throw it they loose it period!

I tell her to go and scream in her pillow and then come and say it dont scream it if you cannot talk without screaming go into your room until you can.

Another thing she does is not speak her mind and then keeps getting madder and madder. I tell her no one knows how you feel unless you speak up. And I explained if she learned to speak up she would not feel as angry and explode.

I have also made a chart and give her a tally mark for each fit (which is what they are) she has. At the end of the day (after school or during free time) she owes me 10 minutes per tally mark. BUT I also remove a mark if she shows restraint later in the day, this is a very effective method for her.

She is allowed to talk to me a million times a day calmly about anything that is upseting her but the minute it turns into explosions she gets the tally mark.

Bottom line they need to use words before they get to this point. It is hard especially if they have a hard time speaking up when they do not like something. But I have told her this will happen all her life if she does not learn to speak up and tell others, not just me, how she is feeling. Something as simple as "Dont take that" is hard for her to say to another kid (aside from her sister LOL) but she has gotten better over the past year and continues to try. Though this sumer we seem to have regressed in this area, I think due to school being out and occupying her time.

Another thing that really helps her calm down is building. Lego's or Magnetix something detailed for some reason REALLY helps her.

Answer 3

Are you mocking your son? Are you insane?

Young children are "literal," they can only understand words, not what you mean. you are doing great damage to your sons self esteem.

He needs empathy, love and understanding, not ridicule.

You need parenting classes ASAP!

Answer 4

When my children (and us, too) are getting frustrated and need to take a break from whatever it is that's getting under our skin we don't do "time out".  We try to go find our "Happy Face."  There aren't any negative connotations with taking a break to find our happy face.  One thing that is a fun idea I saw on Playhouse Disney's Feeling Good with JoJo.  When she had mad, frustrated feelings, she pretended she was popcorn.  JoJo crouched down into a ball and sprang up throwing her arms and legs wide while jumping and "popped" all the bad feelings away from her.  Boys tend to be very energetic so something physical like this might be a way to channel his frustrations in the heat of the moment.

Answer 5

A lot of kids don't laugh at themselves until they're older. You may need to give him some space and freedom to mature - perhaps his childish behavior is a result of being treated too much like a much younger child?  

Answer 6

have you tried the reward after a certain amount of time if he is good system? Figure out something that he would really want to do, like go to an arcade with a certain amount of tokens or to an amusement park. Something fun and that you can do as a family (I don't like object rewards as they tend to just get used and thrown away quickly - something fun you can do together is much more rewarding and can strengthen bonds between you). You could even let him bring a friend along.

Tell him that if he doesn't yell at anyone or have a temper tantrum for a certain number of days or weeks that you will be able to go do that thing. Make a colorful chart of some kind to keep track of the days he has earned. Tell him that you will deduct a certain number of days from the ones he has accumulated if he does have a tantrum (don't take away all of them - if he accumulated all of them except one day and then lost them all you might have an absolutel war on your hands).

When you have this conversation you need to sit down with him and have a calm discussion about his temper and things he can do to help himself. Let him know that it isn't his fault, it is just the temperment he was born with and it is something that he needs to lern how to control. Just like riding a bike or tying his shoes. Brainstorm a list of things such as counting to ten, playing with a certain toy, doing a certain number of sit ups, drawing a picture of what he is feelings, etc... Post this list somewhere convienant. Maybe make a couple of them and post them in the kitchen or living room or his bedroom. When he has a melt down gently remind him of the trip and the list. Do NOT repeatedly scream it at him. Remind him once, if he follows it great, if not then wait till he calms down and take away those days from what he's accumulated.

Unfortunately your son jsut has a serious temperment. He will most likely always struggle with it to a certain degree. What you can do now is teach him to understand it and teach him practical ways to help control it himself when he is upset. The reward just gives him something fun to look forward to and an extra incentive to work hard at learning those skills he's going to need in life.

Hope this helped... Good luck!

Answer 7

Sounds like your son has some under lying issues that might be bothering him deep down inside that he may not even realize. It is hard to determine what to suggest with such little information but I will try to help. Children have a temper for a reason because something is bothering them and like I said some dont even know why they have this anger themselves. It could be divorce or the way kids treat them even the relationship they may have with there parents or anyone for that matter and some kids just get frusterated when they cant get there way. So you need to find out why he is so angry. I read that someone said that some kids dont laugh that they are serious. Sure there are serious children out there but they all laugh sometimes. I think you should take your son to talk to couselor of phsychiatrist. My brother did that and it helped so much I couldnt believe it. Your baby is too young to find little joy in life and I think it is time you find out why. Sweetheart  there are times when our babies cant talk to us or they dont know how but someone else might be able to see things that you may not. He will be fine he is still young and have plenty of time. Just find him someone to talk to. I believe you will see a change in him. God bless and good luck. If you need to talk feel free to email me. Trust me I know I have a 11 year old son.

Answer 8

I don't think that punishment is really the answer.  He is getting frustrated so you need to help him understand what he is feeling so that it doesn't manifest into throwing and crying.  When you see him start to get frustrated, calmly ask him why.  When he says "because I can't do it" ask him what is going to happen if he can't do it.  He needs to realize that nothing bad is going to happen if he isn't perfect, or right.  When he answers you keep saying "and then what will happen".  Eventually he will realize nothing is wrong and go back to his task.  Also, when he does behave badly, you need to tell him that the behavior is unacceptable.   I have done all of this, and now recently I have been threatening to take things away.  Ex.  If my daughter is on the computer and I hear "this dumb computer" I say "If you can't play on there without getting angry, you are going to have to get off.  It seems to be helping.  I figure if I take away the source of the fustration, she has nothing to act out about.