My soon-to-be-ex husbands family.?

Question

They will all be furious, and in denial when they find out we're splitting up, and will think it's totally irrational on my part that we are, how can I delfect their phone calls and attempts at persuading me through being patronizing, and telling me I'll never make it on my own? What have you done to "break up" with the family, or Maintain decent relationships with certain members of his family?

Answer 1

I thought the same thing. But after my soon to be ex told his mother. She called me a couple of days later and assured me that she still loved me like a daughter and that she would always be there if I needed anything.  She said to make sure she had my current information so she wouldn't lose contact with me.  I figured that they would all blame me (regardless of who actually initiated this divorce). But so far none of them do.  I have a child in this situation so I definately want to maintain a good relationship with his grandparents.  If you have children it is the best thing I believe.

Answer 2

do something so that they will really get the point do not answer the phone start dating and move on emotionally and just start over  

Answer 3

My advice is to use caller ID, but you will still have to deal with them.  When you do speak with them, if they ask questions or are intrusive, just say either: "This is really none of your business (don't blink, say firmly but politely)"; or, "That is not something I am going to speak with you about"; or, "you are being rude, now stop it", or "If I want your opinion or insults I will tell you, now stop it."  Rather than a long explaination a short direct statement works much better with people like this.  The problem, is that if you explain things (to people you do not want to) or tolerate poor behavior, it will open the door...eg. if you give them an inch they will take a mile.

Finally, with the people you want to have decent relations with just tell them the truth "Although (name of soon to be ex) and I are getting divorced I hope it won't affect our friendship and relationship.  I consider you a close friend, and I don't want in any way for that to be sacrificed."  Then see the person's response.  If they don't want a close relationship there is nothing you can do.  Also, you need to keep in touch with a e-mail joke every couple weeks and maybe a phone call to ask a question about something (can your children play), send friend or their child a birthday or holiday card and call or drop off a token for the child.  Just avoid out of sight, out of mind and it's easier to continue a relationship during an awkward period that start a new one after your relationship has ended.

Answer 4

Stand your ground, tell them you can make it, you'll be fine, you've thought it out and have it planned out, etc.

Try not to make any of them mad, or you'll lose the relationship with all of them.  

Answer 5

you can only control you reactions and what you do in this situation..they have their own responsibility to maintain their own peace of mind. You just continue to do what you need to do for yourself, forget what they are going through you have enough on your plate as it is.