Question:

My <span title="Poem/song/thingie/...thing...">Poem/song/thingie/...thin...</span> How is it? Be Gentle T-T lol.?

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I enjoy writing a lot of poetry. Most of it ends up being dark though since I'm a typical teenager with nothing else on his mind LOL. Here is one of my poems that I kinda turned into a bit of a song. Bit of background on this poem. I wrote it a few years back starting out as a poem after my...err... ex dumped me once they found someone better (typical -.-). Then about a year ago I added a few lines and turned it into more of a song. Just found it again crumpled up in a little ball next to my bed LOL. So here it is, it's called "My Once Beloved".

Our love was spoken only in whispers

Now my hatred knows no bounds

These voices scream in my head

Drowning me in deafening sounds

They tell me to forget you

They say you're dead to us

They tried to warn me about you

They said you'd betray my trust

My once beloved

How beautiful the disguise

But now I know you're dead

Destroyed by your own lies

The pain you caused me

Forever scars my heart

A deep, deforming reminder

Of how blind i was from the start

Blinded by desperation

Blinded by sinful lust

Blinded by kind words you gave me

Words that have now turned to dust

My once beloved

How beautiful the disguise

But now i know you are dead

Destroyed by your own lies

How horrible, how dreadful

Go on and Shed your tears

Simply pitiful

All of your childish fears

As I lay here in this darkness

Thinking of all the wonderful lies

I dream of the one I fell in love with

The same one I now despise

Oh... My once beloved

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2 ANSWERS


  1. It doesnt &#039;flow&#039; well at the beginning, but generally i think its written really well. You&#039;d make a good poet/song writer. :)


  2. Not bad at all.I think U can be a good song (writer), for the talent is there, between the lines of Ur verse.U have manged many thoughts in a relaxed tone. What U need to do is to choose the proper vocabulary that help convey the meaning(poetically).4 ex:, Hatered.. L2, U R (dead).. L6&amp; L11, Destroyed .. L12. U can find a proper substitutes. Also its too long for a song, and some lines also too long to compose a meaningful song, but the overall poem shows a promising talent, especially the 3rd stanza it was well put. Keep on writing and good luck.

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