My spouse had an affair. I left. Now he pretends nothing happened & he wants me back....?

Question

my spouse had an affair w some red headed chick who used to be his sister in law about 30 years ago. she asked him to move in with her. somehow it ended and she left w some guy from mexico. the year after that my spouse went nuts and said he wanted to die, throw the kids out, take all our stuff and leave or just kick us out. i turmoiled over how to leave forever, then i just left. my kids visit. the spouse still lives in the house but i have all the furniture. i have been waiting to divorce him but the longer i wait, the more he thinks i am coming back. to prepare he is in counselling, goes to sunday service regularly, wants to get baptised, stopped smoking and drinking, exercises more, fixes 20 years worth of overdue jobs around the house, etc. what ever he thinks will bring me back. the problem is that he is doing so good, that i don't want to directly tell him again that i am not coming back. i want him to finish improving before i serve the papers. i want my children to have a better person to deal with. before he would have tried to kill us or beat us down, but now he behaves better. i will never go back but is it damaging the kids to not fully admit it now?

Answer 1

I am like the first guy said to him to move on but I don't agree with once a cheat always a cheat because I cheated on my wife 3 1/2 yrs ago but I have not been with anybody else since then and I told her that I was not going to cheat again. Just move on and find somebody else to be in your life.

Answer 2

To be honest tell him to *** off, once a cheater always a cheater they dont change, find a real man you deserve better.

Answer 3

How could it damage the kids any worse than it already has. Serve the papers when you get ready to do it. There is no hurry, he'll be there when you make up your mind. Don't be surprised if he doesn't go off the deep end when you serve the papers, cause his ego won't be able to handle the fact that he has done so much and thinks he is the best and not be able to the fact that you don't want him. His ego is already damaged from the last rejection.

Answer 4

Just tell him you want something new in your life and he ain't it. Be cool for the kids -your worth more. By the way -just because you think the sico behavior is gone watch your back.People like that can click at any time.  

Answer 5

You are puzzled by his change that has impressed you but you said " I will never go back" I think that life has taught him a lesson. He left you for that red headed chick. Today he tips the old man age. Disappointed that the girl left him for another dude, he is scare facing life alone. He wants you back for security reason. If you are up in age, not thinking about remarriage, having not too much money to spend between the two of you, do not waste your money in a divorce, simply live separate lifes.

Answer 6

YOur plan is OK, but be very unavailable to talk to him. However, I;'d make sure to divorce him by year's end,m at least to start the action. Whether he understand his OR not, you will divorce him. He is living in fantasy to think you will return if he does odd jobs.

Once a cheater, always., The leopard does not change the color of its spots.

Answer 7

na hun ur better off without him, a cheater never changes his ways, if u do get back with him then hes gona change back to his old self do u really want to put ur kids through that????

uve got ur kids ur dont need a man like that, find urself a decent man, someone who will respect and love u and ur kids, not a woman beater to .

goodluck hun x

Answer 8

he is scary. think deeply before you go  back. i don't want you to get hurt again.

Answer 9

no never go bak love get a devoroce if u hav got kids with him let him c them but wiv superviseor if u r in doubt. Start livin not excitdin .

i'm 26 n got 3 kids who i love so much but me the mother slipt due 2 we she treated like **** just last year i meet the really love of my life n who i adore so much but i ****** it up n now she is marrried 2 some1 else so i lost her 4ever  n will never feel like that again i doubt it anyway. plz do mess things up in ur life anymore start doin things that make u happy ur kids will understand when they r older. p.s. all the best

Answer 10

It's damaging to everyone involved to keep this dragging out for so long.  Kudos to your spouse for trying to improve, but he's doing it for all the wrong reasons -- which is why you are wise to never go back.  It wouldn't matter when you serve papers, unless his motives to improve are truly for himself, he will eventually revert back to old behavior patterns anyway.

Answer 11

if you know you will never go back to him regardless of how he is changing, and you say it is damaging the kids, then do what you need to do for your kids and serve him the papers. you will find out real quick if he is true to his changes after you serve the papers..  instead of him changing his ways for you, he should focus on changing his ways for himself so then it will shine through in a postive way to others.. including your kids.