My step daughter tried to feed pennies to my 7m old. She said she did it to go live with her mema. What now?

Question

she is 8 years old, her mother was killed in a motorcycle accident 8 months ago, i had the baby a month after. We gained full custody of her and its been trying at times. We are moving this weekend to her home town near her mother's family. They let her run wild and she has done nothing but act out severely. She said that we will get tired of her and not want her near her brother if she acts bad. She said she would hurt him to get to go live with her grandma on her mom's side. I am a nervous wreak all the time now and i don't know what to do.

Answer 1

Depending on her age I would have to say this is an attention issue... She may feel like since you have the baby that she is not getting enough of your attention therefore she is acting out to get the attention. Try going to lunch or somewhere special... just the 2 of you... see if that helps. That will let her know that you love her just the same and that she is special and important.

Answer 2

Poor child, she is obviously grieving and acting out inappropriately.  Can she receive some kind of grief counseling?  Her life has been torn apart and she's unable to comprehend the changes, she really needs to talk to someone to let her feelings out.

Answer 3

ask her why she wants to live with her mom. Explain to her you love her just as much and ask if you can do anything to make her happier in your home. Then tell her it is sooo dangerous to feed a baby pennies. But dont yell at her in the process

Answer 4

Spank her soundly and make it very clear to her that she will get that treatment whenever she does something like that again since her behavior is totally unacceptable.  You may have to spank her more than once, but she will stop.  The key is to be consistent!  Try two times per year of her age, so 16 times.

Answer 5

i think you SHOULD let her live with her mom because in the future she'll feel bad about not knowing her mother well and be upset with you and her father for that. I Know you want to say to her that you love her just as much as her mom does but it wont matter , she knows you're not her real mom and nothing will change that. And as shes growing up its gonna be hard on her not knowing her real mom so the best thing to do is have her choose for herself where she wants to live and even if it meens she moves she'll still visit so its not like she'll be out of your life

Answer 6

If her mother was killed only 8 months ago, I think she is in need of counseling if she's not already getting it.  It's impossible for you to know what is going on in her head unless the same thing happened to you when you were a child.  At 8 years old, you process things differently and some kids don't have a complete grasp on cause and effect.

I think there's a possibility she's trying to push you away before you get rid of her.  In her mind, she's already trying to cope with being "abandoned" by the person she loved the most.  I've heard similar cases of foster children acting out to push others away because they believe they will just get sent away anyway and they'd rather it happen on their own accord.

It's definitely something that should be dealt with immediately if you feel your younger child is in danger.

Good luck.

Answer 7

EDITED:

Well, now that I've read your added info,  this is an entirely

different situation.  This child need counseling immediatly.  Her whole world has just ended in her eyes and she needs help before things get worse.  She is old enough that she could very easily do harm to your baby without any idea of what the actual consequences of her actions would be.  

She is trying to push you away before you abandon her.  You won't abandon her, I'm sure, but she doesn't see it that way.  To an 8 year old, her mother dying feels like being abandoned by the person she places above all others in her little world.  

She needs help professionally and the baby needs to be with an adult at all times in the meantime.  

In this particular situation, I believe that there should not be any punishments happening for her behavior.  This is a very young child (8 seems so grown up but it's really not-I have a 9 year old and I think he's a big kid but he's really still my baby) who needs unconditional love and a place where she can speak her mind about her mother being gone without backlash until she knows in her heart that her mother didn't leave her and that you won't either.

Wow, what a hard situation for all of you.  I hope things get better soon.  Hugs to you both!

*Original answer*

How old is your step daughter?

If she is very young, I'd firmly tell her that it is not ok to feed the baby anything at all and tell her you love her.

If she is a bit older (4-6 years old) I'd straight out tell her she could kill the baby doing that, be very serious and blunt about it, then express your love for her and maybe offer to make a playdate with the mother.

If she is older than 7 or 8, I'd be punshing her.  She's old enough to know better and that is some vindictive behavior.  A harsh punishment for putting your baby's life in danger and a call to the mother to have her tell the daughter how wrong what she did was and try to get some mom time outside the house with her.

No matter the age, she's calling for a need to be with her mother more.  This doesn't mean she should be living with her mom (don't know the situation) but perhaps her mother needs to take a bigger role in giving her attention and chances are the daughter is feeling a bit left out at home as well with a new baby around so try to get some step-mom/step-daughter alone time out of the house too, without the baby.

Answer 8

Tell her that's unacceptable and there is better ways to solve her problems.