My stereotypical boyfriend.

Question

My boyfriend and i have only been together for 5 months and since the beginning of our relationship he has been asking me to cook a dinner for him. now, i dont mind cooking, but just the fact that he keeps asking me and says that once he gets married he wants his wife to have dinner ready for him once he gets home from work. I dont see why i would hvae to do this for him unless it was a special occasion. why cant he make dinner for me??

my question is.. what do you think about all of this?? do u think that now in todays modern world,should women still play the "house wife" role? and cater to her husbands needs??

Answer 1

It's not so much about the cooking.. What i would not like about all of this is that he mentions this now.. you only have known  him for 5 months.. you are not going to marry a guy you only have known such a short time... and no, if a woman works as well, then they both should share housework. If the wife is at home all day and the husband is the sole breadwinner in that  case it's fair that she does the housework and cooks but if she works and he works then they share all the housework tasks.. it's only fair.. I would think twice about staying with this guy.. He seems to be left over from Victorian times.. but then women didn't have to go out and work... I would not want a Pasha at home who returns from work.. wife returns even later perhaps and he is waiting for his supper.. and he is not prepared to do some other housework, run her a bath when she gets home exhausted.. that would be a marriage to me that consists of the man as the ''King'' and the woman '' the handmaiden'' so definitely not a marriage of two Equals as it should be. and I would say ''NO Thanks to that.. a marriage should consist of mutual respect..and of sharing and give and take.. not give on one side and only take on the other..  x

Answer 2

Ask him to cook dinner for you. If it's ok for him to ask, it should be ok for you too. Then you can work out an agreement where you cook certain nights, he does other nights and you can go out or get take-out on some too.

Answer 3

No they shouldnt have to play house wife but whats wrong with making dinner every night?

Answer 4

Have you asked him specifically why he feels that way?  Don't mistake looking for affection as chauvanism or expecting you to "cater" to him.

It could be for your boyfriend, as with many people, having someone cook for them is a show of affection, not subservience.  For a lot of people, because of the effort and love involved in making food, they look at someone's cooking as a way to tell more about the person who made it, as well as how the person who made it feels about them.  

I feel if a person comes home after a long day's work, then they deserve a good meal and I'm happy to make it.  (Okay, I also like getting my ego stroked when they go on about how good the food is.)  Since this clearly bothers you, you need to ask HIM why he feels this way.  Maybe he thinks that for taking care of his wife, she should take care of him a little too, or maybe he grew up watching his mother do this for his father.

As for why he's always after you now to do it, it could be because for five months you've been refusing him and it's hurt his feelings.  What he might have meant as an idle request before (whether because he thought it would be fun or was just curious as to how well you cooked) is becoming a bit of an obsession now because you seem so reluctant to do it.  Whatever the case, because this seems to be so important to you and to him, you need to sit down and find out the root of it all since it could potentially be a deal breaker for both of you, and after five months I think you could both use a little clarity instead of dancing around the issue.

I hope it works out for you.

Answer 5

Ask him what type of job he plans on getting to support you & the children.  Remind him that you'll need to have enough money for a house, nice clothes & cars, & necessities + extras & fun stuff (vacations, jewelry, etc.) so that you can "keep up w/ the Jones".  Tell him as soon as he gets that job, puts a ring on your finger, & walks you down the aisle to the wedding of your dreams (& the Jones'!), you'll start cooking his dinners.  LOL!

Answer 6

I would end it now. I can already see him stopping you from doing 'man stuff' like, for example, fixing a wobbly chair.

Answer 7

if that's not you want then i dont think you guys will get married!

however i look at it this way!  it don't matter the gender... who ever works shouldn't have to cook or clean as much as the one who don't!

You never mentioned if you worked or not!  if you have just a job then being a housewife isn't a bad role to play!  

if you have a career then it needs to be talked about and agreed up on the split duties!  

I have a career!  I really love my fiance!  he get's home earlier then I... we both do the cooking but i handle most of it!

somoene told me one day if you love your other half there isn't anything you shouldn't WANT to do for them!

even if i hate cooking!  He is hungry I am hungry and some times it's just easier for him to work on some other project and leave me to the cooking!  

yet at the same time if i don't feel like cooking he will!  i just have to ask him i can call him on my way home and say can you start dinner!  and when i get home it's ready!

it's a partner ship with your other half so it needs to be talked and communicated!

but if you don't work at all then I think you should clean the house and fix dinner!

after 8 hours of work not many people want to start cooking for someone who sat on their but or socialized all day!

but i don't think you both have the same goals either both goals must change or i would start to move on!

Answer 8

I don't think that making a meal every once in the while is playing housewife. But I do think him saying that once you are married he wants it on the table evry night is something that you need to discuss because believe me, men don't change just because they have a ring on their finger. Look at other areas of your relationship, is he domineering in those areas as well?

Answer 9

I don't see how cooking a meal for your husband is "catering" to his needs.  My husband and I both work yet I have a home cooked, not frozen food, meal prepared for us every night.  I love doing it, we have to eat, it's healthier and we get to sit down together for a nice meal and talk.  What is up with women who just don't get this?

Answer 10

Dump him.  You're not going to work out.  Obviously you have different views of your roles.  He views you in the traditional way.  Is that what you want for the rest of your life?  Do you want to be the wife waiting at home to make her husband dinner?  He's probably not going to change.  Get out now before you continue with this!  Can't you see if you're having issues at 5 months that at 5 years they are still going to be there?  When you reach your breaking point later on in your relationship it will be harder to break the bonds because your finances, friends, families, etc will be intertwined.  Additionally, you could have children by then.  Get out now!  Please!

Answer 11

tell him 2 get off his *** and make it himself. most guys think women should do all the cooking and cleaning. that is just horrible!

Answer 12

People make their own decisions.

If what he is looking for is someone like his mother, that will cook and clean up after him, that is what he is looking for.  His father probably never cooked.  Now assuming that he's supporting your lifestyle and you aren't working, I don't think that it would be wrong for him to ask you to cook and pick up.

But after 5 months, he's not going to change his mind that he'd like you to cook for him.  There are women out there that do not mind taking care of their husbands.

So coming around to your question about modern women, no there are some that don't want to play house wife, but they need to be with the right man.

Answer 13

NO ONE HAS TO play the "house wife" role (male or female) unless they actually CHOOSE to and WANT to and truly DESIRE it.

Some people love doing this, it's their choice.

But we're in year 2008, husband and wife (boyfriend and girlfriend) are supposed to help each other, there are no exact defined roles on who does what.

Don't give in because of his pressure... and remember, if you want this relationship to develop into something else in the future... you'll have to agree on major things you clearly have differences in.