My teenage daughter snuck out?

Question

how would you punish a 14 year old that i allowed to go to a freinds sleepover and than she snuck out to hang out with other freinds

Answer 1

wellll, I would take things from her gradually, like first, I would take away the sleepovers and going out, but leave her the phone and Internet. Then if she messes up again, I would take her Internet and cell phone, and just limit the time she has to use the house phone, and then if she keeps it up she will have nothing left and no one to blame but herself. But I guarantee once you take that cell and internet, she will straighten up! And tell her the IMPORTANCE of openness and trust, she will find her life a lot easier and you more willing to work with her if she is open and honest. Girls these days are hard to deal with, but based on my experience at a teen (I am 31) it seemed if my grandmother trusted me more I would have been a lot better to deal with. But she kept me sheltered like a hermit, ALL the time, not for punishment, that was just her way! I couldn't even go to my cousins house or a football game!!!!!! But taht is the only advice I can give being that I dont know your relationship with her or her character or the freedoms you give her.

Answer 2

First of all, there would never be another sleepover.  

I don't know your family, so don't know what punishment to suggest that would be effective. However, I think you better sit down and start having that s*x talk and/or considering getting her on birth control.

Answer 3

This:

http://www.williamjoneschastity.com/2004...

Answer 4

yeh too harsh. teens will be teens. she was stupid enough to get caught but you are being harsh. hah i havent gotten caught yet.

Answer 5

After a spanking she would also be grounded for a month.

Answer 6

What you did is not too harsh. You gave her limits & rules. She denied them and did what she wanted. That is a great punishment. If she just seems to brush it off like nothing, hoping you will give up & let her do whatever again, than keep those rules set until she straightens her act.

Good luck.

Answer 7

I think you are strict with her, but she abused your trust so she does deserve punishment. Just don't keep her incomunicado for too long. 2 or 3 days should be enough to teach her a lesson.

Answer 8

My teenage daughter did this in her 8th grade year after we moved from an apartment to a house. She made friends with a girl in our neighborhood that talked her into sneaking out,etc. I caught her after I realized that the screen on one of my basement windows was cut open. I approached her about it and sat her down to ask her why she felt she needed to go out late at night to "socialize". The "new" friend was the contributing factor on my daughter doing this. I told her if I caught her doing it again, there would be consequences to those actions. She did do it again so we took a trip to our local police station and I had a police officer talk to her about what could happen to her being out in the night. After that talk, she never did it again.

Answer 9

Nope! You're on the right track. You absolutely need to prove your point so you know this isn't going to be repeated. I would take everything away from her, including her bedroom door (lack of privacy is the be all, end all in things she cherishes). I have 16,14 and 12 yr old daughters. I have dealt with some sneaking and I squash it. It's had fantastic results. She'll act depressed or crushed or angry - let her - oh well! You're doing it for her own good and most likely, she won't go there again. The biggest thing here is expressing your disappointment, tell her you can't trust her now and she has to regain your trust before she gets things back (they HATE the process - and it puts you in control! They know you're serious and when it's done, they don't want to do this ever again - which is what you want). As she works through it, give her something back each week, or every other week. Leave the biggest thing you took away for last.

I grounded my 14 yr old for disobeying me (and putting herself in a potentially dangerous situation) for 4 mos. I wasn't fooling around. I kept her from attending 8th grade camp for school! I felt awful, but I had to prove my point. I told her I couldn't trust her and that meant she couldn't go ANYWHERE - if she could disobey her mom, she could disobey school staff even easier. She was miserable, I was miserable watching her go through it, but it paid off - she has done a 180 turn around! She is my most stubborn.

If your daughter will sneak off at 14 - what will she do at 16? Take EVERYTHING and make her earn it back. I loaded mine up with EXTRA chores (had her do her 3 sibling's chores on top of her own for a week - she had nothing but time at home, so she might as well work!)

In my book, having a child be somewhere else than you think they are (esp if they told you and asked permission to go in the 1st place) is HUGE. She could have been at a college party for all you know - scary! Go all the way with this so you know you can trust her again and do not trust her until you do! Good Luck - Be Strong!

Answer 10

what you did is great, also take away tv, ipod. do not give her ANYTHING back fior 6 weeks. if she ever does it again, make the punishment 12 weeks next time.

Answer 11

heck no thats not too harsh, My mom did the same thing with me when I snuck out....I hated it at the time, but it did me a world of good.

Answer 12

no that's not to harsh wouldn't you rather punish her like that then have her get raped or killed she has to realize the seriousness in what shes done and then suffer the consequences of her actions she lucky that's all the punishment she got it could have been worse just let her no that your doing it out of love and that she has to earn your trust back my niece used to do the same and got into all sorts of trouble out there your really going to have to keep an eye on her now as shes had a taste of life out there so just make sure her windows cant be opened all the way good luck

Answer 13

When my daughter snuck out of our house, we took her bedroom door off the hinges and put alarms on her windows.

Answer 14

Nope -- you're not being too harsh.  She crossed a very serious line and you need to show her that you take it very seriously.

I'd do exactly what you're doing. All priviledges suspended for 3 months and I would keep her close to me always, until she earns back the trust.

My primary objective is to keep my kids safe. I'll bet it's yours, too :)

Answer 15

take her door away. Put alrams on her windows.

Answer 16

I don't understand why everyone is jumping to s*x.

You didn't mention anything about her having s*x or anything.

Well she lost the most important thing...TRUST!!

Well take away those things for awhile that you said above but when she gets them back you will only let her out for a little while, she has to call a lot and everything like that.

Explain to her that most importantly she lost your trust and its hard to get back.

Answer 17

No I would have done the same thing. In todays day and age where crazy people rape and kill girls what she did was extremely unsafe. if my daughter did that this is what I would have done

Took away all privledges ( no electronics, no friends, no sleepovers or going out anywhere just the basic nessesities of survival)

I would have gone on the internet and did a search on news stories and found some of girls being forcefully taken, raped and killed. Then I would have sat down and made her read everything that I had printed out and then explained this is why I dont want you sneaking out, I wouldnt know where you were or what happened to you and I would have had no way of helping the police and dont tell me that it wouldnt happen to you because these girls probably didnt think it would happen to them! 1-5 girls will be raped at one point in there lifes ( that is a fact)

I would also tell her that this grounding doesnt expire at a certain time, she needs to earn your trust back by showing she is responsible. Like you let her go to a friends, call when she is there, only allowed to stay for an hour or two and the come straight home, and slowly over time if she complies with all the "check in" times you give her maybe it will get upped to spending 3 hours with a friend until eventually she gets the permission to go to another sleepover. And I would tell her that when and if she ever does get the privledge of sleepovers she can bet that she will have to check in with you consently through the night.

This may be me being a strict mom, but I used to sneak out all the time when I was young and I now realize how stupid I was for it. ( I am on of those girls that got raped)

Answer 18

You allowed her to go to a friend sleepover and she has taken it a Licence to snuck. You have removed her cell phone which is and ideal thing for arranging sleepovers and snuck out.

Discuss things with her sleepover leading to s*x matter are the worst things to happen to a child of 14 which does not understand the implications, dangers, diseses, teenage pregnancies. OK if she says she knows every thing find out from where she has learnt that.

Sneaking out children do not have much trust in their parents. It is bad that their mother is also not taken in confidence by the child. You parents have to do a lot to get faith of your daughter first and she remain open with you and discusses pros and cons in life starting at the age of 14...  Once the dialogue starts and the faith gathers then the lost relationship develops. This has to happen which is important for the family. Other problems would find solution without becoming harsh to them