My teenage son is having a baby What do I do?

Question

My 16 year old son got his girlfriend pregnant I have gotten over the shock of that and have now accepted the fact that I am going to be a grandma and my husband is also being supportive her mother is also being supportive but her father is not so supportive. he calls her names and she has been very stressed at home we have moved her into our house about a month ago with the understanding she would help with chores. Every time I ask her to help with something she just giggles and sits there or makes excuses not to help and my son ends up doing what she has been asked to do. She tells us she expects him to get up with the baby in the night. he goes to school full time and is also working full time she only goes to school 1/2 days and does not work. I am not an old fashioned person and men and women should share in the house work and care of the children but it should be shared not give everything to him. I don't know what I can say to her to make her help out and not expect everyone to wait on her hand and foot. any suggestions. should I send her back home? lost and confused.

Answer 1

Hopefully after the baby is born she will change her way of thinking. Don't lose hope yet she may surprise you once the baby is born.  

Answer 2

She needs to grow up and step to the plate or go home. She does not run the show in your home. Put your foot down.

Her behavior does not bode well for the future. This is why it is tragic that 16 year olds have kids. The vast majority are too immature to take care of themselves properly, let alone take care of a baby properly. It's the same tired story of babies having babies.

Answer 3

Seems like another example of why children should not have children.  It also appears you may be seeing some of the reasons her Dad is not supportive.  Sounds like she thinks the world is her support system but she can only get away with it if other people let her...sounds like time for some tough love.

Based on what you said I would think it quite likely that the baby will also become the ward of everyone around her because she is too lazy to even take care of herself.

You have put your best foot forward offering her your home with fair conditions and she is too imature to get in the game.  You may also wish to consider that giving the baby up for adoption is the best thing for the baby...unless you wish to adopt the baby and provide the mature care that she is demonstrating she is not capable of.

Sorry to be blunt here but if she is not going to perform like an adult now she is not likely to change over night.

If your son does not like you sending her home then as tough as it seems you may best let him and her deal with the reality of their own responsibility.

Remember, you are still the adult here and your are dealing with children.  Just because the body is old enough to reproduce does not mean the mind is able to be an adult.  Take charge - lay down the rules but include the consequences (both positive and minus) and don't give them any choices but to stay in line or let them go out and figure it out for themselves.  Unless you get the process moving before the baby is born they will not even have a shot to grow up over night without the baby suffering.  Once the baby is born the dynamics will change again.

You may wish to team up with the other parents.  If so, I recommend first acknowleding the other Dads feeling on the matter and giving him credit for knowing his daughter's lazy habits better than you.

Tough situations require tough actions, or do you intend to carry both of these 16 year old kids and their baby for years to come?

I realize that each situation like this is different for each parent (like yourself and your husband) vs (the girl's parents) so in no way am I judging anyone - rather I am encouraging you to take a stand, even if it is a tough one.  I trust that you and your husband, and the other parents, will be fair.  But remember that fair is not always easy.  ember that they choose to play and now they must make choices - ready or not.

If I were in your shoes I'd,

* Talk with my spouse about how much we are willing to do individually

* Decide how much we are willing to do together

* Recoginze that regardless of what the kids want our choices are not theirs to make.  They don't get a voice on how much you do or do not give.  They only get what you give and their mustprovide the rest.  Even if it means quiting school and getting a job to be the adult they choose to be between the sheets.  Remember when they were busy making the baby they didn't feel the need to ask for permission so don't give them power over you.

* I'd get with the girl's parents and share our thoughts about how much we are willing to put into the situation

* I'd find out what the other parents are willing to put into the situation individually and together.

* I'd make a list of options from giving up the child for adoption to adopting it ourselves and everything in between that you four adults can collectively come up with.

* Based on the collective options and condition that the 4 parents are willing to take on - set up a business plan to move forward.

* Then I'd sit down with the kids (meaning you 4 adults) and lay out the game plan and options.  If the kids won't or can't make a decision then the adults must take charge and make the decisions for them.

* If the kids say they will take charge and be the baby's parents then lay out the responsibilities that they MUST live up to DAILY - and - include the consequences.  If miss LAZY won't get off her butt each day and be a responsible person both before and after the baby is born then stick to the consequences - what ever they were that the 4 adults came up with together.  Even if it means giving the baby up for adoption.  

Focus on the fact that this is no longer about your son and his girlfriend as the most important person but rather about the unborn baby soon to be entering the world.  The bible says that parents are for the upbuilding of the children.  Your son and his girlfriend need to step up to the plate.

I know that this must sound tough to you, and it is.  These words in themselves are a form of tough love for you - the parent in need.  I do hope you find some strength in these words and know that you are in my prayers.  

I hope you will let me know what you and the other parents decide and how thing work out.  My prayer is that the Lord's will be done and that you and the other parents remain open to his grace to keep you united in a combined effort.

Answer 4

wow thats a tough situation but she sounds like she has some serious growing up to do before this baby. i think if i was you i would try to guide her in the right direction and give her a reality check so that maybe she will be a little more prepared and if she doesnt like what you have to say you can show her where the door is. it is so sad when children have children but every baby is a blessing but you hate to have to see the child suffer because of the parents.  

Answer 5

i dont think shes taking this very seriously and i bet you or her mother will end up taking care of this baby. tell her straight up, its time to grow up. shes gonna be a mother and its time to take on more responsability like it or not. i think of the old saying you made your bed now lay in it.

Answer 6

6.7 BILLLLLLLLLLLION other people have done it.  Why should this be a surprise?

Answer 7

It is your home...set some ground rules.  If she doesn't like the rules then she needs to go back home.  It's her choice.

With your son, you can't really tell him not to wait on her, since it is his choice, but just reassure him that you are behind him 100%.

Answer 8

there is no point being nice esp when both of u have to live together for a VERY long time...i dont suppose ur 16 yr old son can buy a house any time soon. So u really gotta play the role of bad person here...draw a line and just blast her when she crosses it, when she starts to listen and be obedient, u can be slightly more lax..but NVR show her u can be pushed around. Tell ur son to be the man he should be, it is ok to love and show concern for his pregnant gf. However, he gotta be firm about his stand.

Answer 9

Don't let her ride the free train.  I understand it's your grandchild, but she needs to understand that you are doing her a HUGE favour.  She needs to live by the rules... or she's back to her parent's.

Answer 10

Don't let her walk all over you in your own home! Tell it to her without being offending....

Answer 11

First of all let me say I think it is wonderful how supportive your being with your son. That could make all the difference in the world for your son finishing school and putting forth the effort to be a good father. I would however like to say that the girl is still a child having a baby. With that you still need to set boundaries and consequences. If she will not except the boundaries and rules then you need to figure out how far you want to go with consequences. Meaning do you want to take privileges away or do you want to send her back to her family. I would talk to your son about it too. He probably is tired of her immaturity too.  

Answer 12

i think it would be easier on you if you talked to your son about it, and since HE'S closer to her it would be easier for him to talk to her about the situation rather than you so that you dont come off as being the

''mean'' one. i dont think its fair at all for her to sit around and let your son do all the work.  

Answer 13

Send her packing. If this is how she is now, it's only going to get worse. My suggestion, if your son KNOWS this baby is his and gets a paternity test that says the same he can surely fight for custody.  Do not let her take advantage of the situation you've provided. Sit down before you do anything drastic and talk with your son and husband and then all of them. Good luck and remember you are the adult, you call the shots.  

Answer 14

It's your home and your rules.  For the comments of the father are you going just by what she says or was it confirmed with the father and her mother?  She may be feeling like she's getting a free ride.  Granted she's not your daughter, but she's living in her house and she needs to abide by your rules or she can go back to her abusive home.  Take the monkey off your back and put it on her for the choice.  You could also try to talk to your son to talk to her by showing it's not fair that he do all her her chores plus his.  He may be doing it out of guilt rather than love or fairness.

Answer 15

i had a baby at 17 and you should tell her that her job is to look after the baby most of the time and your sond job is to work!

also tell her to stop being such a brat and help around the house or youll kick her out!

Answer 16

wow wow wow.... shes a mother... she has to take responsibility to. your son cant do it himself. you have to show this lady whos boss. if she doesn't do chores kick her out!!

Answer 17

sounds like you need to sit down with here and have a serious talk. let her know you understand she is pregnant but that doed not mean she has an excuse to not do her part around the house. She needs to pull her weight and help out around the house or she will need to go back home.