My three-year-old daughter doesn't like hugging or kissing. Anyone else heard of this???

Question

She really never has, even as a baby. She is bright, sweet, caring, kind, and very happy. However, she doesn't not like to be hugged or kissed. She doesn't like other kinds of touching, for instance if I gentley rub her back or rock her in the chair before bed. It worries me and of course, I just want to hug my kid. Anyone else have a kid like this???

Answer 1

My younger sister hated wen someone would kiss her on her face. She said tht the kisses burned and she had to wipe the germs away later on we found out she was a germaphobic and now has been diagnosed wit obsessive compulsive disorder. Maybe your daughter not wanting to be touched has something to do with what she thinks of these gestures talk to her and get into her head a little bit.

Answer 2

might be a sign of autistic spectum.

Answer 3

My kids are both like this and have pretty much been like this since their were quite young.  I've always thought it seems to be related to a sort of claustrophobia sort of sensation for them or a sort of invasion of their space.  I wouldn't worry too much about it.  My kids do occasionally seek out hugs or kisses from me.  I've found that if I don't force it or insist on it, they are much more open.  So I just enjoy it at their pace.  Also, I have found that both of them are more willing to be held or hugged if I hold them facing out with their backs to my front.  This seems to be much more tolerable for them.  My son is nearly 7 and my daughter is 4.  They are completely normal every way.  So I've just never really worried about it.  Just let you child set the pace for demonstrating affection and you should be fine.

Answer 4

I was never a big fan of people hugging and kissing.  When you're a little kid you just can't stand feeling "smothered".  Sometimes adults don't realize how mature kids really are mentally, so adults can over-step boundaries (that kids have set once they're no longer a year old) because they don't realize that kids outgrow wanting to be hugged all the time.

My daughter and I were once saying how we particularly hated it when overweight aunts kind of smothered kids with big hugs.  It just kind of feels horrible when you're a little kid.

Answer 5

The fact that she has never really liked it even as a baby suggests it could just be part of her personality trait. But if it were noticable and sudden it would make me wonder why.

At 3 she could be trying to exert her independance 'Im not a baby' kind of thing. Another thought is perhaps you want to hug and kiss her too much and it is not enough about her wants but more about your wants - I dont mean that in a funny way, but maybe you want to baby her just a wee bit longer but she is wanting to grow up a bit and be more independant then you are wanting.

If you are actually worried about it just speak to her doc for assurance/advice. Maybe she is hyper sensitive to stimuli like touch and a gentle touch could feel quite heavy to her. I remember feeling irritated by the lables in the backs of my clothes as a kid and also finding wool and new denium almost painful in their feel because I was extremely sensitive to touch and texture.

Answer 6

I have a niece who was like that as a kid (she's now almost growing out of her teenage years) she just didn't like being hugged and kissed, so we respected that, and didn't hug or kiss her. But she did like it when I carried her around all the time, so I'd hold her and walk around the house with her. (I finally stopped when she was 7 and I was preg. for the first time. But more because of my pregnancy than because of her age.)

So yes, it is possible for a kid not to be SI yet still not want to be hugged or kissed. But if she likes other forms of touch, (like sitting on your lap  etc.) compensate with that as often as you can. Touch as I'm sure you know is an important part of growth. But she needs to learn now at this age healthy vs. unhealthy forms of touch, and for her at this point, for whatever reason she categorizes hugs and kisses as unhealthy, so respect that, and give her the healthy form of touch that she does request, as often as she requests it.

Answer 7

Yep.  I have 3 sons that are like this.  It is tactile defensiveness, and it is sensory issues caused by an immature sensory system.  ALL kids have an immature sensory system until age 6-7.  What you can do, is hug firmly, light touch tends to tickle.  My oldest still tells me that it hurts to brush his hair, and cut his fingernails.  You could look into therapy from an OT to address sensory issues, or you could just try to help her become less defensive.  Try things like playdoh, deep pressure (sqwish between pillows when you do this its gentle pressure, not real fast), jumping (joint compressions), vibration, heavy work etc.

I am not saying she has sensory integration disorder (SI) but tactile defensiveness is a sensory issue, and it will improve as she ages, but she may not grow out of it without implementing sensory strategies.  You can have features of anything without having the disorder.  The disorder is many sensory issues with most of the senses.