My three year old daughter & girl "drama" already?

Question

I stay at home with my daughter. The other night we took her to my best friends dinner party and my best friend's 3 year old daughter, Savannah and some of her school friends were there. They are all in daycare, my daughter is not. They were all playing in Savannah's room and I just happened to walk by. Everything my daughter picked up, Savannah snatched away. My daughter was like "Can't we just share?" Savannah said "No, you're not our friend. Leave my room!" I wanted to cry! My poor little girl. Anyway, I went and told Amber, Savannah's mom, and she made Savannah apologize to my daughter. Did I do the right thing? Should I have just kept it to myself. My poor baby! How can I get her to defend herself...or should I??

Would daycare help her not be bullied?

Answer 1

as nuch as we want to jump in when kids are being mean you need to step back and sometimes let them work it out for themselves. She will have to deal with bullys all her life and you wont always be there to make the other child/parent apologize. I think that in some cases you need to step in if it is gonna cause physical harm or if the bulling is causeing mental and emotional stress but other then that let her deal with it. My daughter was always getting punked by her cousin on her dads side who is a year and half younger then her and i would just tell her to ignore her or i would tell her (in front of her) hey you wanna go do something fun over here and her lil cousin would want to join in and i would tell her no cause she wanst being nice or sharing eventually it worked.

Answer 2

I think the fact that she can't defend herself is partly because she's not socializing with kids her age. She stays at home with you so she doesn't have to deal with getting toys taken away from her or being bullied in other ways. Or when there are other kids over there, she always has you to watch out for her. Daycare would be a good thing for her, not only to develop good social skills but also to be able to help herself, not be helpless. Kids, no matter what age, i believe, learn best from life experiences, not from people telling them how to act (especially when it comes to self confidence and protecting themselves)

I'm only 17, i admit, but i've been around kids my whole life and i work in a daycare and help out at parenting clinic also. I suggest putting her in a daycare, part time at first, to ease the transition...both for you and for her. I know it can be hard for stay at home mommies parting with their kids. Take her there for a few hours, and then make it longer each week.

I hope everything works out and i wish you and your daughter the best of luck :)

Answer 3

I definitely think you did the right thing. If your friend didn't know about her daughter's behavior, she does now. I know how you feel, I get the same feeling when things like these happen with my 3 year old son (who does go to daycare). Sometimes, I wish I can just defend him myself but reality is, our children need to be able to speak up for themselves. I think you may want to sit with your daughter and try to guide her or coach her on how to deal with kids like that.

I have to say that before my son went to daycare, he was more shy and was an easy target for bully kids. He's getting a little better but he doesn't like confrotations which may change over time.  Good Luck!

Answer 4

We've had similar experiences, our daughter has never been in daycare (always been at home).  So we've wondered if she may be "missing out" on some of the things that happen at daycare.  Specifically if she'll be able to defend herself or stand up for herself against "bullies" that have years of experience through daycare.

We decided that the benefits of staying at home far outweigh any problems.  She will figure things out when school starts, etc.

I think you did the right thing in this instance.  You'll not always be able to defend her (and you shouldn't), but it can be a gradual process rather than just throwing her into battle - the old sink or swim.

In a swim class, the 6 or 7 kids all had to line up at the edge of the pool.  I watched my daughter get pushed around (not really physically), and instead of being the second person in line, she ended up being last.  I really wanted to run over there and thump someone, but I let her figure it out.  She was perfectly happy being last in line, but each time they had to line up after that she was a little bit stronger and assertive.

Answer 5

I totally know what you are going through!  And YES, you did the right thing!  Kids (like Savannah) need to learn that that behavior is not acceptable.  I notice that a lot of kids that are in day-care are more aggressive, and I don't think that it's a good thing.  I don't think a lot of them get corrected when the do exhibit that kind of rude, bullying behavior.  I mean, if the mom is there with one or two kids and sees that behavior, she will correct her child.  If there are two teachers and twenty kids, chances are, it will not even get noticed.  

I don't think that is a reason to send a child to daycare!  They will learn more from you than from daycare, and they will get more of that precious one-on-one time (which translates to love in a child's mind).  When they get to kindergarten, they will quickly get acclimated.

Answer 6

Putting a child in daycare, school or any other setting is not going to guarantee that they will or will not be picked on, bullied or excluded during their life.  You should teach your daughter appropriate responses and things to do in those situations such as what to say or do that will remedy the situation- if possible- because you won't always be with her to support or help her out in life.

Sounds to me like 3 is so young for this to start, but with some kids you never know when it will strike.  Unfortunately it starts young these days compared to when we were kids.

Definitely ask your child how it made her feel and what she would like to do in the future when a situation like that happens. It may be a good opportunity to also talk about what a good friend is (or isn't) in a way that she can understand at 3 so she makes smart choices about her playmates and pals.

Answer 7

teach her karate....

yea that was the right thing.... that little girl is sucha ****. man oh man.

Answer 8

I think you did the right thing, but I wouldn't worry about pre-school. I have 4 kids ages 5, 3, 2, and 9 months. They go through that on a daily basis. All preschool will do is make her have to put up with it more now. I never sent my kids to preschoool because I DO NOT TRUST a stranger to take care of my child.

I think you should do in your heart whats best and just remember it's a normal part of growing up and teach her to be the "bigger person"

Answer 9

you did the correct thing.  

Answer 10

I believe kids should work things out. You can't be there all the time and they need to learn to socialize and sticking up for themselves is part of that.

However, you should have intervened and told the other little girl she needs to play nice or else you would go get her mommy. I am not sure what kind of relationship you have with the other mom, but you could have brought your daughter into the room with you and if the other mom asked what was wrong you could say they werent getting along.

I dont think putting her in daycare is the answer. They learn bad habits there and dont have enough supervision.

But a mommys day out would be a good start.

Good luck.

i have 5 kids, having another child will help too although I think having kids more than 2 yrs apart is a bit harder to adjust to ( for the kids) than when you wait 4 yrs.