My tween daughter thinks she likes girls. How do I talk to her?

Question

She was caught kissing a girl at the childcare providers house. When I asked her about it she broke down and started crying. She said she thinks she likes girls and boys. I almost yelled at her but I went out on the porch and started crying. Nothing like this has ever happened to me or any of my relatives. She is only 11 years old. What do I do?

Answer 1

Don't be upset with her. Maybe she is experimenting with her sexuality (which seems super early), but still, it might be a phase, and if it isn't try to be there for her since confiding something like that with your parents could be extremely hard and she needs the emotional support, or she may never feel comfortable talking to you about things later. Good luck, and I'm sure everything will be alright no matter what she's still your daughter.

Answer 2

First, realize that since she's only 11, she may just be confused. That doesn't necessarily mean she'll grow up to be bisexual or L*****n. Second of all, 11 is a little young to be kissing anyone-boy or girl! You were right for not yelling at her, because whatever she is feeling, she can't help. Just try not to embarrass her. Tell her you love her no matter what.

Answer 3

Its probably something she heard and thinks is for her!  Let it play out and talk to her.

Tell her there is nothing wrong with that but she has lots of time to decide.  Also, she is a bit young for kissing.

Tell her she can always come to you for things like this

Answer 4

The same thing happened to me when I was like 13. Me and someone of the same s*x did some things and I thought I was bisexual. After a while, it got boring and I went to liking females exclusively. It may be just a phase she's going through.. She's only 11 so chances are she has no ides what she likes yet. Kids that have have hormones that are seriously out of whack. What they like one day is what they hate the next day. If it's not just a phase, just love her and accept her as she is.

Answer 5

How about comforting her? You're the adult. Some people will prefer their own s*x but typically it takes quite a long time to know. In the meantime, your emotional reaction isn't helping her.

Answer 6

shes curious trust me i had those feelings when i was her age! now im strait! shes only experimenting

Answer 7

Just let it go. My cousins daughter did the same thing and they let it go and she grew out of it. It was just a phase she was 10 at the time shes 26 now and has 3 kids. You could talk with her and see why she thinks it or let it go like it is a phase!

Hope it helps

Answer 8

Check out PFLAG's website. They will probably have some useful information for you.

Ask Dan Savage!  He's an advice columnist. He also has a audio podcast.  Number 49 in his archive might by interesting to you, starting at the 24:40 minute mark.  I'll put the link to his archive in the source section.  You don't have to download anything special to listen.

Answer 9

A lot of kids go through this. At 11 she is too young to really know. All she knows is she has lots of hormones racing out of control and confusing her. Just explain that you are there for her whatever she decides but it is possible that soon those feelings for girls may go away but they possibly won't and you love her

Answer 10

If I were you I would be a little freaked out too. If I was in your shoes, I would talk to my daughter and ask her why she thinks she feels that way.  I think you not yelling at her was a good idea.  You don't want her to feel like she is a horrible person for being confused or whatever.

Answer 11

Maybe she truly DOES like boys and girls.   What's the problem? Support her, love her, and tell her it's a personal choice. I'm straight but I have MANY g*y friends and most of them knew they were g*y as young as elementary school.  Nothing you do will change how she feels-and if you get mad at her she will probably rebel and just do stuff behind your back. No matter what, just love her. It's not a disease.

Answer 12

k maybe she is to young to be kissing anyone but why does it matter if its a girl or not. You should love your child unconditionally no matter what. She may be confused and curious but when she gets older and still feels the same way dont get angry about it. She cant help who she has feeling for.

Answer 13

Questioning your sexuality at any age is hard to go through. She's only 11 you have to be there for her. Whatever religious or moral beliefs you have try not to dump them on her. Be as supportive as you can. Go to your local Barnes and Nobles together and read books about that subject. Be  open with one another. It may be a phase it may not be. Whatever it is remember were you're confused and scared she is 2x that she is only 11.

Answer 14

Like everyone is mostly saying some experimentation is normal to a certain extent.   Kissing at her age is innapropriate, no matter girl or guy, and should be delt with as such.  

But.... There's a new song out right now that all the kids are listening to.  It's called "I kissed a Girl"    ... she sings I kissed a girl and I liked it.. it must have been her cherry chapstick... I don't know if my boyfriend will mind .. -or something like that.   It's repulsive.  We seriously don't listen to that music but my 8 year old son knows every word from his peers singing it to him lately.    Maybe your daughter and her friends have gotten the message a little too strongly, and have been trying it out.

I wish you luck.

Answer 15

You should just accept what your daughter's decision was. Getting angry and punishing her will only make the situation worse. You cant change a trait somebody was born with. Also, when I was in middle school I knew a lot of girls who thought they were lesbians, but when they got to highschool, they only had interactions with boys. Maybe she is just experimenting. Talk to her. Good luck.

Answer 16

If you are a christian, you can try explaining to her calmly that it is wrong. Show her what the bible says about homosexuality and tell her you love her.

Answer 17

She could be curious, it's pretty normal.

There's a good book out there for questioning teenagers called "Am I Blue?" it might help a little.

Don't yell at her, she's obviously confused and needs your support.