My two kids, 9 girl and 6 boy not listening?

Question

We lost their dad a few months ago and although I think I discipline tough, it just doesn't seem to be enough for them to take me seriously. It takes three or four times telling them to do something for them to listen and then I'm already mad and fussing at them. I recently tried a chart system so each time they get an X on something, they have to write lines, miss play time or do extra chores. What am I doing wrong? I am new to being a single parent and I get so frustrated!

Answer 1

One thing I did when my son was growing up was just talk to him honestly.  He responded to that better than anything.  I would tell the kids that you miss their Dad, too, but there are things that have to get done and it's not fair for you to have to take care of everything.  Do something we did:  Set an alarm clock and everyone clean non-stop until it goes off.  Whatever doesn't get done can wait until the next day AS LONG AS NO ONE MAKES IT WORSE.  Or, everyone can attack one room at a time together, moving on to the next room.  For right now, it might be easier for all of you to work as a group than to expect them to work as individuals.

Answer 2

First of all, your kids are grieving the loss of their daddy, as I'm sure you are. They need to see a counsellor to talk through their grief and deal with it but that is going to take time.

The idea of a chart sounds like a great idea, however I would reverse your psychology. Try having a chart that is with ticks for good things, rather than focussing on the not so good.

You should also see a counsellor or psychologist to get help for yourself. I'm not saying that you need help but you are learning how to do things as a single mum now and it is very different. I am a single mum with four kids and it is very tough.

More than everything else right now your kids need you to be strong for them. I would not be so concerned about the discipline right now as much as giving them quality time each day. They must be feeling alot of pain right now and some of their behavior will be as a result of their dad's passing. You will find that as you give them the quality time that they are needing, much of this problem WILL resolve itself. Really.

With regards to them not listening, try making eye contact with them when you wish to tell them something. You could put your hand on their shoulder if that helps, anything to make sure that you have their full attention. Then try speaking quieter instead of louder. They expect you to speak louder to get their attention, so you shjould try doing the opposite. When you speak quietly, they will have to strain to hear you. I have found taht this works with my kids, but I also must touch them to ensure eye contact. See how you go. I hope this helps you a little.

Answer 3

You have to loosen the wax in their ears.

Th best way to do this is put them face down on your lap,

and apply a few smacks to their butt, I don't know why

but the wax loosens up and they start to listen after that.

Answer 4

Invest in a belt.

Answer 5

I have an 9yr old daughter and a 7 yr old son.  Trust me...this behavior is completely normal along with the constant  "he's looking at me.", "She's chewing too loud" comments.  I noticed when I want my children to do something it's better to set up a rewards system.  I have made up paper money and I give them chores on a board to do.  When they do a chore, they put a smiley face in the box and I hand them a paper dollar.  I have a plastic tupperware bin with toys I bought from the dollar store, stickers, pens, paper, and then a few nicer bigger items I got from walmart.  I made up a book to go with the box that has pictures of the items and next to the picture it shows them how many dollars they need for that prize.  Their behavior has changed a whole lot.  They still slip once and awhile but they have fun doing chores and earning their prizes.  Only downside to it was that they were looking for things to clean and make up as chores so they could earn their dollars quicker.

Answer 6

When you tell them to do something, tell them individually.  Don't yell from the other room "Clean your room".  Have them come to you, look them directly in the eyes and say "It's 6 o'clock, Tommy.  I want you to pick up the toys in your room and make your bed by 6:30.  Do you understand?"  

When they cooperate, give them lots of praise and encouragement.

If you want to use a chart system, have them sit down with you and allow THEM to take part in drawing it up and what to put on it and what rewards or punishments there will be.  It might help.

Answer 7

It's called childhood let them be kids.

Answer 8

Be easy on them hon, they are suffering too! Cast your mind back to when you was a child, did you put your port away as soon as you got home? or did your mum have to do it for you? we all forget how illogical and lazy kids were when we were young, they haven't changed hon, have they? You have a great day and I'm so sad for your loss!

Answer 9

IM ONLY 14 BUT MY 9 BROTHERS AND SISTERS ARE THE SAME WAY WHEN MY UNCLE DIED THEY DID NOT WANT TO LISTEN BUT WHE ALL KIND OF HAD A TALK CRIED A LITTLE BUT IT WAS GOOD FOR ALL OF UU WISH U LUCK DONT STRESS THEY WILL SEE U STRESSED ARE THATS WHAT KIND OF EFFECTS THERE MOODS   GODD LUCK :)