Question:

My unfinished poem?

by  |  earlier

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It's still to be made longer and I'm gonna change a bit because it contradicts itself but this is my unfinished poem, what do you think?

With foreign thoughts

and singing sword,

the knight of old

went abroad

His ebony skin,

his ivory hair,

he rode upon

the queen of the mares

His lips did not move

not to speak a word,

a vow once taken

his voice not since heard

He traveled till

his locks were long,

he traveled not

to right a wrong

He traveled till

his voice was hoary,

he traveled not

for fame or glory

He traveled till

he was old and wise,

he'd traveled because

the free bird flies

He opened his lips,

"cellar door" he said,

he'd broken his vow

because now he was dead

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5 ANSWERS


  1. Whats this for? cos its good, its imusing and entertaining and i could no way write one like that, great work =]


  2. Wow. Just wow. I want to see the finished product.

  3. I liked everything except for the last verse,

    because now he was dead

    I think it should read  -- and now he is dead

    that is my opinion and that would make the flow of words a little better!  Yes I did like your poem, good job and well done ! Cheers!!

  4. That;s great! I think you could tweak it here or there to make it flow better, but other than that - excellent!

    I particularly like the 6th stanza 'he'd traveled because the free bird flies' ( =

  5. OH......WOW...HEAVY MAN

    hello below ...love the hat ....
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