My very first poems, please tell me what you think and which one you like best?

Question

whenever i see him

BOOM BOOM BOOM my heart almost skips a beat

he makes me so anxious I've never felt like this before

this feeling it..its so overwhelming, my blood is pumping at a full speed its so overpowering

If this is love then let me have it furthermore

I think he feels the same way, I could verywell be his dime piece

If only he could see through my eyes core he would know that my feelings are forevermore

What i'm feelingg is getting way too deep

I think its love but i'm just not sure

Loves Betrayal

She thought she was in love

guess love it was not

what was she thinking of

was there something she forgot

he didn't take it all that serious

she became so subdue

she refused to see that his love for her was thinner than air

why couldn't she get a clue

She feels like he's such a betryal

there was this seed that he had almost sown

at that moment he made her feel like heavenly angel

he said his love for her had grown

she wanted so bad to believe but just couldn't tell

though that love was never shown

she's now trapped and needs to get out of love's painful shell

Answer 1

the first one is only OK, the second poem is better.

but they're not quite GOOD yet, because these are only your first poems. but i can tell you have talent and that these can potentially be great poems! keep writing and updating, especially your grammar.

<3

Answer 2

beautiful. very deep, and just overall amazing.

you have great potential. keep up the good work (:

Answer 3

i liked it,very deep,pls can you see mine

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?...

^thanks

Answer 4

its really good

Answer 5

they are okay, i like the second one. use punctuation cuz the way you read a poem is continuallu until you reach a punctuation mark

like...

i really love you but you don't love me and now i sit here all alone raging at the moon

vs

i really love you, but you don't love me. and now, i sit here all alone raging at the moon

it helps when you want a nice calming flow which is what love should feel like

Answer 6

wow i like them it is a good combination of what is thought to be love and what realization is and love's lost. You are talented if these are your first poems

Answer 7

they are really good. (:

i like love betrayel the bestt though iht's really deep,

those are my favorite kinds of poems.

if you think of anymore you can contact me at

[e-mail]

i'll gladdly take a look. (:

Answer 8

ur pretty good at poems. I like deep poems so would say i like loves betrayal the best.