My wife and I have expressed to one another that our emotional and physical attraction for the other has?

Question

disappeared.

For my wife, it's my lack of intimate focus on her, which includes my lack of simple loving gestures and verbal pleasantries.

For me, it is simply, a total loss of physical attraction for her. No matter what she does to herself, she just doesn't appeal to me anymore. Which brings me to add, I don't know why, but for ME without physical attraction, I find it extremely hard to be both physically and verbally affectionate at all.

Although each of us has been open about this, we've still remained in the marriage because of our two little kids. But as two fairly young people, I don't know if we can do this much longer, because we both realize that lack of daily genuine affection in a marriage, is a recipe for potential failure.

So, who has experienced this first hand and what did you do about it.

Answer 1

Something went wrong from the time you fell in love and got married and now. You have two children and I know your wife's body has changed because of that and maybe she has put on some weight. Is this why you don't find her physically attractive anymore???

You didn't say anything about love! Do you love each other? You aren't physically attracted to her and because you don't make her feel loved and attractive, she doesn't want to be intimate with you either. But do you still feel love for each other?

I have the feeling this is all about how her body changed after she gave birth to your two children. If that's the case, both of you get a membership at a gym and workout together each week. After dinner put the two kids in strollers and go for a walk. Change your diets and cook healthy meals together. YES you can learn to cook! Your wife did and so can you. The two of you need to start doing things together, not just as a family, but as a couple too. By exercising together you are telling your wife that you want to be a healthier person and get into shape too, that your lack of desire for her isn't all her fault.

If you and your wife still love each other, then please see a marriage counsellor. You have to get to the root of your problem and equally work on the problem in your marriage. Give it all you got and if that doesn't change your marriage and your desire for each other doesn't return, then it's better to call it quits, before your lack of desire for each other turn to hate and resentment and you end up in a bitter divorce some day.

Answer 2

I haven't experienced this first hand, but I can tell you that I know kids pick up on this stuff. Even if you don't fight in front of them, I'm sure they can sense the tension. They know something isn't right with Mom and Dad.

I think you guys either need to separate or try counseling. Were you ever really attracted to her? If not, then yeah - I would pack up.

Don't stay together for the kids. It hurts them either way, but they don't want to grow up watching two people who don't really like each other.  

Answer 3

Be honest with yourself and her. Do not live a lie it only leads to resentment and bitterness. Your children should be raised in an environment where genuine and sincere love is shown by their parents. If you stay together this may not be the case and actually harm them emotionally in the long run. I wouldnt even recommend counseling because that is for behavioral issues. Just my opinion Good luck!

Answer 4

at the core, what you are experiencing is normal in a long term realtionship-it's just a matter of degrees that determines if it is outside of the "normal" range. marriages have ups and downs-once the honeymoon is over and the kids come along, much of the "lust" seems to go with it, but is replaced with feelings that are deeper and prepare you for "the long haul". Time and desire for eachother is eaten up by daily tedium and the extreme energy and committment to raising children and keeping a home, jobs, etc.

i don't want to oversimplify, but try counseling-your honesty with eachother to this point is a great start. even if you're not the "counseling type" give it a shot, and try more than one counselor if needed. They can help you come to grips with the feelings and determine a next course, regardless of the direction you choose. Even if you split up, an amicable split will make it much easier on everyone, especially the kids, and a counselor can help you with that as well. Good luck!  

Answer 5

You are treating your wife like a used car and who is to say you are so great yourself?  You have a ME ME ME attitude.  Your wife needs you to think about her too.  She is raising your 2 kids and if you grew up and quit your all about me attitude and think of your family you both will be happy!

Answer 6

It is great that you and your wife can be so open and honest with one another. Have you tried counseling? The only thing that I can say is that I do not think that open marriages are ok, someone will get hurt. You both deserve to be with someone who excites you and who you cannot live without. Staying in a loveless marriage (even if you two don't fight) for the kids is the absolute worst thing you can do for them. This will be your kids model for all future relationships and for their marriage. Ask yourself, Is this the kind of relationship that I want my kids to have with their spouse. Kids know more than you think. That being said, I hope that your relationship gets back on track and you two find one another again.

Answer 7

I am sure you can find a lot of immature individuals that have gotten married and had children without any knowledge of what love truly is. Sadly, it is now your kids that will suffer. I surely hope that when your wife leaves, you don't find someone who ends up in a disfiguring car accident or a cancer or another disease that makes her unattractive. Maybe you should just find yourself a pretty blow up doll.

Answer 8

Why aren't you attracted to her anymore? You guys sound young and i hate to ask this but are you comparing her to other women you see in the work place or other places. If so stop it you loved her enough to marry her and have babies with her. Don't give up this may just be a passing phase in which the stress' of new marriage are getting in the way. Just try to stick it out a little longer it may just work out. PS. try to add a little spark to the marriage tell her what you like or miss about her when you two first got married maybe you can rekindle that old spark you had for her just give it a chance.  

Answer 9

I think its great that you guys are at the very least honest with e/o.

However, you have to look at the bigger picture here.  Get some perspective and grow up.

You married this woman, b/c you LOVED who she is. Not b/c of what she looks like..right?!  

The reality of it is, that at least ONE person has to be genuinly willing to make a marriage work...b/c someone has to build the bridge back to good again. If neither of you are willing to do that..than divorce is what it is.

I am sure someone else will find your wife very attractive and would love to give their heart to her and give her the pleasure sexually she desires.

It's sad that you have CHOSEN to have 2 children with someone who you obviously never really loved.  

Answer 10

close your eyes and pretend she is someone else.   not sure what will happen.  would prefer to be with someone that i absolutely adored.  

eventually, your marriage will come to an end.  seems like you will both be understanding about things.