My wife and I separated last week; today is our tenth anniversary - should I acknowledge this?

Question

Our marriage has been difficult for the last several years. The separation was mutual (I think) and led to my moving out. No one cheated (best of my knowledge) - a lot of disagreements.

So, with today being our tenth anniversary, I am unsure how to handle the event. Given the circumstances, I think I am really limited to choosing between saying something or not saying something. What do you think?

Answer 1

I would acknowledge the anniversary and tell her that you hope your 20th is spent together looking back and being thankful you both worked out your problems and are still together.   Most do not want to WORK on a good marriage.

I am about to celebrate my 20th..............believe me, you CAN overcome troubles and have a wonderful marriage----if you want it bad enough.   Don't give up on her..........you WILL walk in regret later on.  Remember, 2nd marriages end at a 75% rate, 3rd, 90% failure rate.

http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html

http://www.marriagedivorce.com

Answer 2

Let it go... your not married anymore.

Answer 3

If your trying to get back together say something, if not then leave it alone.  

Answer 4

Its just a separation not death. If you both are still civil to each other, whats wrong with a nice card that says how you appreciate her. No anniversary card tho. People can still be nice without strings attached.

Answer 5

i think it would be nice to at least give her a call, or a simple card...if there are hopes of a reconciliation i would ask her if she would like to go to dinner with you..

Answer 6

i think you wouldn't be asking this question unless you still care for your wife i think you know you want to share this occasion with your wife because a man who still would  acknowledge there annv. after splitting means there might be alot of unresolved feelings.

I feel if you still even have a small feeling of wanting to work things out this would the perfect opportunity to a new beginning  

Answer 7

not saying something

Answer 8

Send her some flowers.  Sounds like you'll be able to pull through the marriage.  Don't waste 10 years!

Answer 9

I would only say something if you wanna try and get back together

Answer 10

You should acknowledge it. You are acknowleding that you love her and you do love her right. Go for it, help her remember why she fell in love wih you.. I know you are nervous about her reaction but don't worry about it, you do what you feel in your heart. And your heart is telling you to celebrate it and you do care because if you didn't you wouldn't be worried about it and asking us (which are complete strangers) about what you should do.

Answer 11

If you are separated you are no longer a couple.My advice is to ignore the anniversary and go on with your life.

Answer 12

I think it would be more painful to acknowledge it  

Answer 13

No matter what you are planning on doing - divorce or trying to reconcile - I would call her & at least tell her you remember the day & felt badly letting it go by without some sort of acknowledgment.  This would go a long way to not adding to any hard feelings she may harbor.  She's probably wondering the same thing herself.  Be the braver person & pick up the phone.

Answer 14

In my opinion if you are separated and wanting to work things out then it is best you acknowledge the date with a phone call or flower or dropping off a favorite treat of hers.

If you are separated and feel the next step in the process is divorce court then I don't think I would say anything.

Good luck with what you decide.

Answer 15

Here's the critical question guy:  DO YOU LOVE HER?  STILL?  If not, do you respect her as a person?

If the answer is yes to either, either call her or send a card with a simple message.   You don't say this marriage is over, and if there is even a morsel of doubt in your mind that it is, you need to stay actively connected to her life - even though you're apart, presumably to think things over and regain perspective.

Sincerely,

Grace

Answer 16

If you are unsure about whether or not you really want this separation, then definitely say something. Maybe get a card and write a letter (A NICE LETTER!) in it.

However, if you are absolutely certain that this separation is a good and necessary thing, then let it be.

From the sounds of it, since you are posting on here and asking about it, chances are that you are feeling nostalgic and missing what the two of you had. Again, I urge you to write this to her. If you just separated last week, then nerves are probably still a little raw, and talking could just exacerbate this. So letter writing would be a nice way of not only acknowledging the anniversary of your marriage, but also it would be a good way of getting your feelings across to her.

Good luck, hun. I'm sure this is a really rough time for you.

Answer 17

I agree with the answerer above sending flowers.

However the message should be something like:

Happy 10th anniversary my darling wife.  

Together we've been through the good, and the bad.  

Maybe we couldn't make it last but I would rather save your friendship than our marriage.

Answer 18

Is there a chance that you all may get back together. If so, I would at least call. Women are very relationship oriented. Things like birthdays and anniversaries are VERY important. From a males point of view, I could see how you could think that you are not together so why celebrate the anniversary? As for her, she may feel that you not acknowledging the anniversary its proof that you really didnt care about the past 10 years.

Personally, I would call if I wanted to leave the door open to the relationship. If I wanted it to end and be over... I wouldnt.

Daniel

Answer 19

Ya, if it was her fault just say Thanks a lot.

Answer 20

Try saying to her, this is our 10th anniverasy,how about we go someplace quiet and public and talk.

Answer 21

what does your gut tell you?  If you do say something is that a sign you want to get back together?

Answer 22

If you are separated with the intent to divorce then leave it alone.  you are not obligated.  But if you feel you may want to reconcile then that's a different story.

Answer 23

Acknowledge it with divorce papers. ..

Answer 24

Get 10 hookers, live it up.