My wife cheated on me, should I stay with her?

Question

Ok, heres what happed. A year and a half ago, I was getting off work eairly. When I got home, I saw through my kitchen that my wife was "giving" herself to another guy. When I saw it, I imediatly went in, stop the actions taking place and confronted them.

Now heres the hard part. When I asked them what they were thinking, he stated quote "I don't know, I'm sorry." and she said quote "I was doing it for you." I told him to get the heck out of my house, and that I was to never see and or hear from him again. I than told my wife that she was to go to counceling with me to try and resolve this issue. She begged me not to leave, so I stayed.

Then, two days latter, my wife told me that I had to hang out with him and our other friends so that they wouldn't know what had happend. Even thou I felt 100% against it, I still listend to her and went. To make things worse, she went to counceling one time, and never brought up the issue, just yealled at the counseler, telling him that he had no right telling her how she should feel.

Now I have tried to stay wih her, but we seem to fight at least twice a week, and she askes me if I am going to devorice her. I love her dearly, but I find myself waking up in cold sweats thinking about that night a minimum of once a week. I have tried eveything I can think of to make her happy, i even just bought us or first real house togather this year, but I can't seem to build trust in her anymore. She doesn't work, and all I ask is for assistance in our marrage, but she is reluctent to help in any way. She tells me that she has done nothing wrong. Now she even tells our new neighbors that she would be ok with the idea that I should be allowed to sleep around.

So I suppose my question is truly, should I stay married to her, even thought I can not seen to trust her anymore?

Answer 1

I'm sorry but if I caught my wife doing that...she's be gone like out dated bread. You are now involved in her conspiracy bud. So...if I was you...I would not be around that little blankity blank blank no more...See Ya! Take Care

Answer 2

Well, I am telling you this out of experience, not too the point where you have though. I can tell you are the provider financially, I can tell also what you have wrote, you love her deeply. She needs attention and sounds like allot of it. I am sorry if I sound straight forward. I have been where you have, It took me may years to forgive and still remember what happened. It sucks, I love my wife though, she is wonderful, I am the provider and tend to forget that she provides for me and my family. I do not know how long you have been with her and don't know if you have children involved. If you have children involved they take a tole on a woman to take care of. I have learned that the kids need you too, you get so wrapped up in your work and seem to let your wife take care of things. If you do not have children I cannot give you any advise. I would be seeking a counselor, not as a couple but at least for yourself, you deserve it.

Answer 3

it is so simple you can talk to her why she is doing that and order her to say the truth if you feel it just she says honestly her reasons give her another chance but if not you must divorce her because the trust is the most important thing in the marriage and good luck but if you have children you should think aloud.

Answer 4

I'm often a smart mouth but I can't do it here.  I truly wish I had a happy answer.  But, you already know there isn't one.  You are just hoping for what you know deep down is impossible.  It takes two people to make a marriage work, but only one to destroy a marriage.  Only your wife can make her a wife.  Good luck.

Answer 5

i owuld leave her if i were u. u need to think about ur own well being in this situation. this girl called ur wife doesnt care about u at all. she's using u until something better comes along and she will leave u anyway. do u know what she's doing right now, she's probably laughing it up w/ one of her gf's telling her how dumb and retarded u are. she's also still talking to the guy u caught w/ ur wife. u have been seriously played and being hung out to dry. how could u get duped into hanging out w/ the guy. she must be giving u some great s*x or something. u need to take back ur self repect and ur manhood. u better get checked regularly for std's. there is no cure for hiv or aids. second i would kick her out of the house. she is not good. then u need to divorce her. then move on w/ ur life and focus ur evergy on u. u dont need to be in a marriage where ur wife is stepping out on u and making u look like a sucker.

Answer 6

Stay with her in a role of a doormat. You seem to fit the description.

Answer 7

this is something you, and only you, can decide.  if you feel like this is a dealbreaker, then you need to lay down the rules for her.  if it were me, and I wanted to remain with someone I knew had been unfaithful to me, there would be many stipulations for remaining together.  marital counseling, no contact with the other offender, among many other things.  (I have been divorced over this same thing, and I didn't think for a minute about staying with my husband.  I filed for divorce immediately.  my biggest fear was that he would catch something highly contagious with no cure and would bring it home to me.  he died of AIDS two years later, and thankfully he didn't have the chance to bring it home to me!!!)  

you need to think about how important your wife is to you, and ask her how important you are to her.  if you can't come to an agreement, maybe it's time to start those proceedings.  but remember, in most cases, if you stayed with her after she cheated, you can't use it against her in divorce proceedings.  it's considered forgiven if you are trying to work things out with her.  good luck with your choice.  you have my deepest sympathies.

Answer 8

the reason its still not resolved is her lack of remorse,u don't trust her because she failed to make amends of take responsibility for her wrong.seems like the next betrayal for u is but a heartbeat away.without trust u have nothing and might as well leave.she could have begged your forgiveness, went to therapy, and at least faked it, but she thinks its okay to cheat, and rip someones heart out.

Answer 9

Wow... do you realize she probably laughs behind your back?  She is a no good woman. I do give you credit though for giving your marriage a chance. But she doesn't deserve you. She probably thinks your an idiot for trying so hard. Stop. If you dearly love her stop treating her like a queen. She doesn't seem to love you.

Answer 10

Don't just kick her to the curb, but in the grass,and against the fence.

Answer 11

No I would kick her out she not mature enough to handle marriage she most likely is still cheating and using you and playing you for a sap. Trust is important in a relationship and it appears like she didn't even want to work on her problem. She doesn't love you if she wants you to sleep around because if you can do it so can she you would just be her support system the man she is with because you make decent money wrong reason to be with a man in my eyes either in it for love or buy a toy and be content with yourself. Whatever you do don't move out of the house because then you will end up paying alimony and the house note so make sure you get the house buddy.

Answer 12

There is no relationship without trust, so the answer i would give is no you must move on.  Find someone who will love you and stay faithful to you.

Answer 13

Divorce.  While you are at work she is still cheating on you.  Time to find soeone you can trust

Answer 14

I think you should leave her.If it was a once off, and she was very remorseful and was trying everything to repair the relationship, then maybe she was worth a second chance.She doesn't seem to care about the effect her actions have on you.It seems to be effecting your health from all the worry and stress,and you don't deserve that, you did nothing wrong.I'd be seeing a lawyer to see if you can protect the house somehow so you don't lose it and then get that same lawyer to serve her with divorce papers.You will find a nice lady who will treat you well because you seem really nice.Good luck!

Answer 15

man, read your own question, and answer it yourself. would she stay with you if you did the same to her? i don't think so. i agree with mack, so lmao. i only wish i could of picked up my wife to do those things.haha. we can not let another person do that to us. you will never trust her again. stop kidding yourself. she needs to realize what she has lost.

Answer 16

Have you been fixed???????A dog w/no balls looks like a B*#$h  to me....I think you need the counseling

Answer 17

Do her a favor and divorce her.  I am sure you will get over the loss and I know for sure she will be happier.  Women only cheat when they are not being noticed at home.

Answer 18

Dude grow some balls and file for divorce, you sound like a coward letting this happen and meeting him with friends tell the woman hit the road and don't come back.

Answer 19

She cheated on you. Asked you to hang out with the guy she cheated on you with. Refused counceling. Doesn't work. Doesn't contribute. Is planning on asking you to swing (is what it sounds like). And you're asking whether you should tr to make it work? A marriage is a two-way street and it's imperative for her to do her wifely duties in order to actually have a good relationship.

You can't trust her and it's apparent why. No one can tell you what to do in this relationship because we're not in it. What we can tell you is that it's headed in a direction that you're obviously uncomfortable with and you shouldn't have to be uncomfortable in your own skin/house/wife's arms. There is absolutely NO excuse for cheating. No matter what she has told you. No matter what she's told the councelor, your neighbors, friends, family. No excuse. And the fact that she wanted to keep it hidden from your friends says that she KNOWS she f*cked up and now she doesn't want anyone else to know that she sleeps around.

My suggestion would be to back off. To go on your own for a while. Make her get a job and pay for a few things on her own for once. Go out and have a bit of fun. Just see things you want to see, do things you want to do and try to see what else is out there. You'd be surprised. There are actually people out there who prefer monogamy and would be faithful.

The term "once a cheater, always a cheater," never derived from thin air. If a person cheats on YOU, then chances are, they'll do it again. Because they got away with it and it felt good. Plain and simple. For your own mental wellness, I suggest pulling out hun.

Been-There, Done-That

-Later Gator-

Answer 20

Yes, stay and try to work things out.  After all, she is your wife and apparently you told her you would forgive her.  Try going to counseling alone, just for you - so you can get rid of the images by processing your feelings.  No one said you had to forget, just learn how to forgive her.  And when you truly forgive, don't keep bringing this issue up again.  Once you forgive, it should be over so you can start learning how to trust your wife again.  Good luck and I hope the two of you make positive changes together!

Answer 21

I can't believe you put up with that!!!  I really can't believe you agreed to hang out with him again.  Dude...she's walking all over you.

To answer your question NO!!!  You absolutely should not stay with her!  I left my wife after finding out she cheated on me once, and it was the smartest thing I've ever done.  If you have any questions about it, feel free to email me.

Good Luck...And Get out of there!

Answer 22

NO. Clearly, you deserve better.  

Answer 23

You're a disgrace to the manned race!  Get some nuts!

Answer 24

How can you stay married to someone you do not trust?

That is what makes my marriage work.

If every time my husband walked out the door I worried who he was with...I would go crazy!

I think you need a lawyer and a beer.

Answer 25

your too good for her...

if shes not going to help make the marriage work.. then leave her...

you can do so much better..