My wife had an affair and we are trying to work things out. i'm sad all the time and i dont think its helpn?

Question

i love her alot but i'm sad all the time and its making it harder for both of us. i dont want to drive her away. so what can i do to be happy again

Answer 1

When did this happen?  It takes time.  My husband and I are recovering from an affair that ended in March.  It hurts, I know, take it day by day.  She needs to be completely transparent with you to earn the trust back.  Counseling, books, church, find each other's love language, elder couples, start dating again...all of these things have helped my husband and I.  The book "avoiding the greener grass syndrome" is awesome.  Its what helped me through the real tough times.  It can be done...my husband and I are better now than we ever have been.  Good luck and keep your head high.

Answer 2

It's not what you can do, it's what SHE can do. She is the one that chose to put the marriage in this state, not you. It's her job to "fix it" if that's what you two choose to do.

Answer 3

Please see a doctor. You may be depressed and need counseling or medication. Good Luck. :-)

Answer 4

Forgive her and move on. Don't live in the past. You control how you feel today. So put it out of your mind because it will only destroy the love you have. Remember Jesus forgave Judas.

Answer 5

Take her out and start dating again.  The reason she cheated is she was looking for attention.  so take her out and have fun while giving her this attention.  This is what keep things going.  The two of you going out and having fun together.

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Answer 6

your wife HAD an affair. if she sincererly promise and you believe her , you should forgive and try to forget ,though very difficult but there is no way out, as you do not want to loose her either.

Answer 7

i apologize on your wife's behalf. uhm the first thing anyone will tell you to do is to seek consoling.if after a while you still see that things aren't the way that they were before she cheated then maybe its time to let go. maybe it wasn't meant to happen. some people, as hard as they try cant seem to just forget about something that may have happened a long time ago, and that affects everyone. but i truly believe that in this predicament, those are the only two options. heii, remember what they say..once a cheater always a cheater. do YOU  truly deep down in your heart think that this is a true statement? the best part about having a partner is that they are the ones that seem to bring that glowing smile on your face all the time. how much of a relationship is there if there's no happiness? this is a question that you need to search deep down in your heart to find. best of luck and i hope that i helped.

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Answer 8

You are down because you don't know if you will ever be able to trust her again.  I'd suggest seeing a counselor, a bit of soul searching and going with your gut instinct.  

Answer 9

I am going to tell you this, and it is true. If you do not find yourself able to forgive your wife, eventually, maybe years from now, you will find that you area divorced or separated. Ask  yourself if monogamy is really practiced very well in our society by the average person. Go to therapy.  

Answer 10

i'm sorry that you are going through this - you may be able to forgive her but it will be hard to forget if you both are trying to work it out i would suggest counseling bringing in someone that can speak for the both of you is a good thing sometimes you or her may say things wrong but a counselor can also tell if both of you are sincere and give you things to do to work on the marriage. you are in the hardest stage but you will get through it it just takes time and she has to work on building the trust back up you have to find it in yourself to be happy dont look for her to make you happy talk it out the more you talk about it the better you will feel write yourself a journal and pray - pray for where you want the marriage to go

Answer 11

I hate to tell you this but once a spouse cheats, it is a safe bet they will repeat the behavior down the road. Also they lie so you can never really trust her again, which is why you're sad, the trust is broken and can never be restored.

Answer 12

You see a doctor immediately to make sure everything is o.k. physically

Both of you seek individual counseling

Start marriage counseling together, hopefully with the same counselor

Try to do some of the fun things you did when you first met and where dating.

Be patient and loving towards yourself, it will get better someday

Answer 13

I would strongly recommend the both of you enter marriage counseling. It really will help and if it doesn't then you should seek professional help on your own. I am not saying your crazy at all. Psychologist are very good at helping you see the light at the end of the tunnel. Goodluck.

Answer 14

maybe go to couseling? is so hard to be happy again after someone lets u down. You will have a hard time trusting her again and forgetting about it! maybe look for help.

Answer 15

I'm sorry to hear this, and I feel for you.  Your sadness is natural - especially since you found out that the woman you love so much went outside the marriage.  You don't say how long ago this happened, so I'm assuming it is relatively recent...maybe within the past 30 days?

Something like that makes it hard to trust again.  She has to prove to you (without you saying anything) that you CAN trust her.  It's up to her.  Your sadness will pass if she a) goes where she says she is going, b) comes home at the time she says she would, c) behaves like the woman you married, etc...all the little things, when they are added up will tell you if she can be trusted again.  Give it some time.  If you still feel this sad and still feel that you cannot trust her, see a counselor - whether it's a marriage counselor, or a psychologist to help you get to the root of the problem.  The alternative is divorce - plain & simple.

My thoughts are with you...good luck.

Answer 16

Get rid of the cheating, lying ho and get on with your life.  

Answer 17

You have to give yourself time.  Are you in counseling..I mean you and her in marriage counseling.  You need to vent your anger and frustration in a professional atmosphere so she knows what this did to you.  Until you can do this...in a safe place...you will continue to be sad.  

She needs to understand what she did and what it did to you.

Please get counseling for the both of you and possibly for you alone to deal with this.  You need someone other than her to talk to.

Answer 18

I'm sorry.Your always going to remember what she did to you.I would try and find a way to make your shelf happy but if you can't (sorry to say) I would not stay in the relationship.Remember don't be hard on your shelf she's the one who did this.

                       Good Luck!!!!

Answer 19

Nothing worse than thinking about some dude violating the holiest of holys... she gotta go, man. That's the only way.

Answer 20

I am sorry to hear that......Hope you feel better soon. Does she still loves you or she has completely gone too far by now? Try to see the options what is good for both of you. Good Luck!