My wife is obsessed with our baby???

Question

i have been married 7 years and we have a little boy that is 5 months old. she is CONSTANTLY worrying about every little thing. is he warm enough, is he sleeping good, i wonder if hes teething, i hope he doesnt get sick, what should her and the baby do that day...it goes on and on. i know its part of being a mom and i worry about those things too. we really love him. but i feel like shes worrying way too much. like its almost impossible for us to have a conversation without talking about the baby.

how can i help my wife to not worry so much? i know she is just concerned but i dont think its good for her. the baby is healthy and happy. she is with the baby all day, as she is a stay at home mom, so i think it makes her even more crazy about everything. but she cant leave the baby with one of our moms for a couple of hours because she is so worried about what will happen to him???

any advice?

Answer 1

Give it time.  Some mothers are extremely over-protective for a long time and others are able to "go with the flow" sooner.  You just have to talk to her and encourage her to do things for herself (and with you) from time-to-time.  She'll eventually get use to the idea.

Answer 2

Look, she's going to worry. No shes NOT obsessed. She's a woman. I worry about my baby all the time, exactly like your wife does. I probably worry more, but thats because I go to school and have to leave my youngin with my momma. If you want to help, tell her how you feel. But dont make it blunt. And only bring it up in a conversation. not out of the blue.

Answer 3

Wait a year.  What she is doing is normal, and I would not want to leave a 5 month old with anyone but my husband - and then only for 45 minutes at that.  

It is possible for her to worry too much and have postpartum depression, or baby blues though.  Not wanting to be away from the baby is one thing, obsessing about unlikely events another.  Check around about mom's groups to get her in contact with other moms with babies his age, or a La Leche League meeting.  Sometimes there are groups for Baby Blues.  It would help her the most to have conversations with her peers, that is women with babies his age, more then anything right now, it would let her know that what she's doing is fine and he's normal.

Answer 4

She is a new mommy. That's what new mommies do. Eventually she will wear herself out and get over it once the "new baby smell" wears off. Yes, stay at home moms are a little crazy, but kids do that to you. Does she have a set plan on when she will go back to work? Why are you so bothered by it? I would think her being preoccupied would let you do whatever you want. It sounds like you are a bit jealous??? That's perfectly normal because you are no longer her everything, the baby is. Get over it. Get a sitter, take your wife out on a date, and remind her that she is more than just a mommy, she is a wife, and more importantly a woman. No wonder the baby is an obsession. What else does she have to focus on?

Answer 5

Have another child

Answer 6

Hi ;) Of course she's obsessed with your baby. She's with him 24/7. He's her whole world and it's normal for her to think about him all the time. Maybe if you found someone to take care of him and offered her a romantic week-end that would help get her mind off of him. Make her leave the baby with her mom --make it a surprise and reassure her --her mom know what to do. After all, she raised her, didn't she?

Or you could propose she takes classes in the evening --anything she'd like-- and that would also give you one on one time with your son.

You are right to say it is not healthy --I'm afraid this child might grow up to be overprotected. But take it one step at the time, and don't make her feel guilty --her fears are normal. She should just learn to deal with 'em.

Answer 7

First sit her down and in a nice way tell her how you feel.  You are not wrong to worry about this.  Yes she is a new mommy but she sounds like she has completely wrapped her who identity up in your son.  You could also offer to watch the baby or tell her you are watching the baby and she is to get out and watch a movie or get a cup of coffee with a friend.  I would also recommend maybe finding a play group or a mommy's group that she can connect with.  Maybe if she gets out some she will realize that it is okay to still have an identity past your kids.  It will also be good for him as well.  Children need to know they are safe and being fussed over can sometimes cause them to have unnecessariy concerns or fears as they grow up.  I completely understand having concerns...I am a mother and pretty overprotective, but I also allow myself time away for me and them.  It is also good for them to have time with grandparents as it gives them a sense of safety outside their immediate enviornment (parents).  Remember you are the parent as well.  I would suggest in addition to all the above take your wife out for dinner.  Set up one of the grandparents to watch him during this time.  Keep the dinner brief so you can slowly break her of her concerns that something will happen if she isn't watching him all the time.  You may want to also call the family doctor and talk to them she could be suffering from post partum depression which is very normal.

Answer 8

you need to chill. give your wife some time to get adjusted to being a mother. an instinct kicks in like crazy....it's awesome...and you should be thankful you have a wife that cares about your child. in time she will be more comfortable with everything. it's ok that she wants to be with her kids. i personally think it's backwards that our whole society tries to make us seperate from our children as early as possible...it's not natural, and it's not right. let your wife take care of your child. don't be jealous.

Answer 9

I would sit down and tell her that you need some attention! Tell her exactly what you just said ^^^, and hopefully she will understand. Tell her you know she loves him, but being over protective can also leave the baby dependent on it's mother. For instance, when the baby gets to age... 3, he will always need to be with his mother and he won't grow up *correctly. Tell her that, and tell her she has to trust you.

:) hope it helps!

Answer 10

Maybe she feels you are not involved enough and therefor constantly trying to get you in the mix.

it is really common, not saying you ...but when babies come, husband gets neglected and jealous of the baby because new moms obsess over new baby.

You have every right to feel that way. She might really be spinning. Has she talked to her Doctor about it?

I am proud of you for reaching out asking for advise! I wish you the best of luck and congrats with the baby!

Hoping you get back your wife!

http://parenting.ivillage.com/mom/0,,3wq...