My wife is working in child day care center as a lead teacher.How she supposed to handle this difficult mom?

Question

My wife is(we are non white) working in child day care center as a lead teacher.Her regular kids in her cleass allready had graduation but she is giving summer classes to differt kids who wants to take summer class,means they are diffrent kids who are allmost 6 yrs old.on last monday they suppose to go to swiming pool but because of rain they had to cancel it and they went to another fun place called' 'chukie chees'so before they went there all kids supposed to change their clothes.This particular girl who is allmost 6 too went to the bathroom to change.Girl wore long dress since morning from her home.after everything over mom at home found out her daughter was not wearing underwear.She thinks my wife is responsible for that and mother freeked out and mad at her including her director.My wife is one of the dedicated teacher at her work and working there since 6 yrs or more.Would like to know how can this mother hold her responsible because her daughter was not wearing under wear?

Answer 1

You've had some good answers.  Where are the underwear...by the way.  Did she even come to school with it or were they still in her bag from having to change her clothes?  

Encourage your wife to keep on doing the good job she's doing :-)  All will end well, especially if the director and most of the other staff are on her side.  Her reaction to this parents suggestion that it was "her fault" will definately effect the rest of the summer.  The child is 6 years old and in most child care centers and even in my family child care... 6 year old children are well able to dress themselves and we do not enter restrooms unless absolutely necessary.  Since the director is already involved...let her handle the situation...providing the policy about bathrooms.  If there is not a policy about staff/students and bathrooms...maybe it's time for your wife to suggest one to be in writing to protect herself and other staff in the future.  It takes all kinds to make this world go around :-)  a six year old is so spontaneous and really does not think through situations.

Answer 2

Your race has nothing to do with it.  What this is a case of is a mother that made a mistake, is embarrassed, and wants to pin someone else for the mistake.

Let her be angry, remain calm, and just ask her fact-based questions.  

"What underwear did you give her to bring?"

"Why did she choose to not bring underwear?"

Few parents (as far as percentages go) act like this, but it's not uncommon.  We had a question recently from a parent that wanted to sue the school because they had a picture of her daughter's painting on their brochure.  Some parents are just strange.  Keeping a level head when talking with them is the best option and asking specific questions that lead them to understand the situation more clearly is the best way to handle it.

Matt

Answer 3

as a former director my staff was never allowed to enter a bathroom with any child.  all the children at our center had to be capable of changing their clothes on their own without help.  same with toileting issues.  our teachers never crossed the threshold of a bathroom with any child.  

as the director i would support the teacher not knowing as the child is old enough and should be responsible for herself.  if the parent didn't agree with our policy then they needed to find a new facility.  there were no exceptions.  i would never jeopardize a teacher's position by sending them into a situation that could cause them to be put in a difficult or speculative position.

Answer 4

If I were your wife, I'd just continue doing my job well and try not to worry about it. I would've told the mom "In the future, I'll ask her after she changes clothes if she has underwear on and remind her. However, it is not appropriate for me to look and see if she's wearing it or not." I mean, really  - do they want your wife to physically check if each child has on underwear?

I don't see the big deal. She's a young child. They often forget various clothing pieces. It's not as if she was exposed or anything.  Honestly, both as a teacher and as a mom, I would have laughed it off and just reminded the girl that she needs to wear underwear.

Did you mean the mom is also mad at the director or that both the mom and director are mad at your wife? If the director was not supporting me, I'd be looking elsewhere for work.

Answer 5

I'm a new mom of a 4 month old daughter and I can tell you that if it were me, I would've been worried too.  In a society like ours, we have to be cautious about our kids, but if her daughter chose to change in the bathroom, I would feel as weird if not weirder about my kids' teacher making sure they get dressed.  If theyre old enough to be in school and change their own clothes, then they should remember to wear underwear, but that said does this mother dress her kid half the time?  Maybe if she does, then the kid didnt remember coz she doesnt do it on her own enough.  Can we also take into consideration that a lot of kids who are pretty young dont know how to dress themselves and if they had a choice, would wear one blue sock and one red, 2 shirts and their mom's pearls and hat?  Come on, this lady shouldnt blow up on her, she should at least give the teacher the benefit of the doubt.  If she's that worried she can have her kid talk to a counselor and find out if there's anything wrong.  If the kid isnt wearing any clothes?  Yes, I'd hold the teacher responsible.  Your wife wasnt trying to look at her underwear, therefore didnt know about it.  I'd take that as a plus.