My wife just commited adultery what should I do?

Question

Me and my wife have had a rocky marriage and recently she moved to her brothers house and seperated from me. We talked about it being good to seperate and clear our heads and work on our personal isssues and start working on our marriage issues as well. She told me

its only temporary and whe loves me and needed time to think. I changed all the things she asked of me and showed her throuh actions and she acknowledged she saw the change and liked it and things were going to be ok. I find out she was lying to me. With in 2 weeks of her being away 100 miles or so...she met a fellow student she was working with online with her school and I read a email that she and him were flirting and a week later had a sexual relationship with him. Her excuse was she was vulnerable and was still hurt by our issues and it just happened. She left me 3 days after I bought her a new 2008 jeep compass so i guess I gave her a ride to leave me with as well. I am hurt because she lead me on to believe we were going to

get through this and she told me she will always be my wife and this happened 3 days later...how do I give up my love for her and divorce her because I still want to be with her despite the horrible thing she did to me....

Answer 1

Sounds like you are letting her walk all over you.  If you act like you are not interested she might come back, if that is reall what you want?!?!  You may be able to forgive, but you won't forget.  You will have a hard time trusting her.  I suggest you move on because it is going to be harder working it out with her than it will be to get over her!

Answer 2

Try and forget and move on, if she truly loved you and respected you as a person she would have never have done this to you in the first place. Plenty of people out there that will respect you and never treat you like that, get hunting

Answer 3

Call the bank cancel the loan and get a divorce.

Sorry she wants to play and have you if you keep changing for her she will keep playing you for a fool.

Answer 4

I'm one of those suckers that believes love really can conquer all. If you are sure you really love her and she still loves you--there may very well be a chance for this to work. I'm sure you're going to get tons of answers that say "get over her--she cheated" or "divorce her--she lied"--but that's not what love is about. I think you should tell her that the two of you need to talk and be 100% honest with each other--ask her if she still loves you, if she's willing to be in the effort to make your marriage work, and if her relationship with this other man really was a one time thing. If so, then the ball is in your court--even if the answers to all those questions is "yes", it does not excuse her behavior, it simply means that she has the potential to be forgiven by you and for the two of you to focus on making your marriage work. You can't help who  you love--if you love her it's for a reason and people do do crazy things when they're emotionally confused. Best of luck to you--you seem like a great person. While having that conversation might be hard, I really think it's the right way to go.  

Answer 5

Technically, you were separated.  Obviously, there were problems large enough to make her feel unloved at the time, or she would have stayed with you. That means that she actually was vulnerable.  It was a time that she needed to feel attractive and loved by someone.  Many men don't realize how important it is to a woman to be emotionally happy.  If we are not, we have no interest in physical relations, and we become emotionally vulnerable to any jerk that treats us better than our partner. We fall for the lines, because that is what we wanted to hear from our partner.  Most women aren't devious by nature.  They are gullible to the lines men dish out, because they have been in a trusting relationship for so long.

I am not making excuses for her, but I am telling you that if you can show her emotionally, that you can be supportive, loving, give her special attention, take her out once in a while, go on romantic trips, etc..  she may come back and be a good wife.  If she does not see that you truly understand why she left, the chances of making the marriage work is less than none!!!

I suggest that you take a long hard look at yourself, and find where you might have been to blame as well.  You may realize that, if put into the same situation, you might have felt the need to cheat also.

Answer 6

Try this mate, it's a really good set of videos. Should help you:

http://www.videojug.com/tag/infidelity

Good luck.

Answer 7

unfortunately I think she planned this.  Got a new vehicle out of your and moved on.  She is playing you like a piano get out of that one...

Answer 8

It is very hard to accept but if still she loves you teach her the values and see that she does not repeat....

Answer 9

friend , just take a decision either you are ready to move on with all the thing try to comunicate with your wife and tell her very relation first requirement is trust,if she can other wise left her bcoz she will definately repeat this kind of act again

Answer 10

If you love her as much as it sounds, you could always give her a second chance. I cheated on my husband and it was the worst thing i've ever done and I felt like the biggest peace of c**p alive. I came clean with him. I wanted him to be given the choice to leave me and find someone that was worthy or to try and work it out. It was tough and I still feel awful for what I did. I truly regretted it and i've been faithful ever since. That was 5 years ago. We are happier than ever. I know it was hard on him and I can't imagine what it was like. I am very grateful he gave me another chance. I hope that she regrets what she did just as much as I do and wants to try to make things better.

I wish the best for you.

One more thing. Someone said about seperating yourself from the situation. My husband did that. He left for the night and he talked to some good friends of his, and all of them said give me a second chance.

Answer 11

does she still want to be with you now? if you can forgive her then take marriage conseling & get back together. if not, being around family, friends, & keeping yourself busy helps. remember its going to take time & i'm sorry you had to go through this. honestly people do make mistakes, & i hope things work out.

Answer 12

i think that you should think about what she did with a great deal and decide whether it is worth getting back into a relationship that has to many holes in it. Now you may be able to forgive her for adultery but you might not be able to trust her. And your anger might come up in different ways. So in my opinion if you think your love is strong enough you should try and reconciliate with her. * i know my spelling sucks*

Answer 13

She's a liar and a user.

Move on and get divorced/

Answer 14

it sounds like she is trying to blame you for her cheating on you don beleave her she just doesnt want to be the one to blame so she is gonna blame you cause i mean who elese is she gonna blame.

so you should just leave her divorce her and go out with some friends so a club or something and meet some new people

Answer 15

divorce.

Answer 16

let her go if its meant to be shell come back

Answer 17

what about you, you had no relations with any other women it is not a problem in society

just forget past build your confidence and pass your life

Answer 18

If the jeep is in your name go and take it from her.  If you put it in her name tell her from here on she can make the payments or ask her boyfriend to. You are done with her.

Then call a lawyer and start divorce proceedings. She knew what she was doing. She is using you and has no intentions of coming back.

Let her go and move on.  She doesn't love you anymore.  

Answer 19

Sorry to say it, but from the sounds of it, this is a plan she's had in action for a while. From the email conversations to the moving to a place that's coincidentally closer to this other man.

Talk to her, try to get her to go to a couples counseling or something of that sort. If she isn't willing to do that, then she isn't willing to be with you anymore and you will have to begin the process of moving on.

Answer 20

let the Jeep go back,Let her go back,And you press on forward with your life.

Answer 21

My condolences. My wife had 4 affairs over an 18 month period and I only found out when the kids caught her inflagrante delicto so to speak.

I left, then and there on the spot when I found out. I was devastated, for about a fortnight I didn't want to live. However, separating yourself from the situation can allow you to see things more clearly. I realized that no woman would do that if she really was in love. Don't go back there, the best form of revenge is to let her see how happy you are without her.