My wife left me, please help?

Question

I have an issue. I'm writing this to get it out just as much as I am looking for help. I'm 30 a professional and dated a girl for 8 years, it was off and on the whole time, mostly because i get scared of letting people get to close and then leave me. Issues with my father leaving. So last year i found someone that i wanted to marry more than anything in the world. A month after we started dating she moved in and i proposed to her. July 12th we were married and it was the happiest day of each of our lives. The honeymooon was good but it was my big secret she had no clue were we were going other than scuba diving. She started complaining that it wasnt romantic enough. That hurt my feelings so stopped having s*x cuz i was hurt. We got back home to find out we had more bills to pay and we were broke. I had cheated on her with my ex ~4 or 5 times was too scared to tell her because i was scared she would leave me. I told her she could have a divorce if she wanted one and told her maybe we made a mistake well. She told her parents, the came and moved all her stuff out and told her if she goes back to me she cant have them in her life. I'm crushed havent eaten for 5 days she talks to me and says she wants to get back together but wants to move into an appartment for awhile till she knows its ok and wont happen again. I want to go to counceling and made an appointment to work things out but she couldnt because of work. I told her it was more important than anything to me. I'm going by myself tomorrow. I love her so much. I'm so scared its over.

Answer 1

As painful as I know it is for you right now, the truth is you simply are not ready for a lasting relationship - evidenced by your cheating and your now failing marriage.

It's ok to be scared, you wouldn't be human if you weren't feeling the weight of the world right now.

The good news is IF you are willing to look your demons in the eye - and not back down regardless of the pain - you will come out the other end a better and more grown up man.

And you know what will happen then? Love - real love -  will find you.

Don't give up - you can do it!  

Answer 2

wow! and what a mess and she needs to get to that appointment she sounded selfish and immature and you couldn't keep your hands off of your ex.  This doesn't sound like this will work out but if you two really wanted to get back together I would suggest that you take time to work this out.  This sounds more to me like a high school relationship that broke up.  good luck to you both

Answer 3

You need to be a whole person before you can be a partner.  Hope counseling helps you.

Answer 4

um maybe it was you who made her left YOU should not have cheated if i was her i would left to i think its just u ever heard of marriage consular  

Answer 5

30 or three you are not ready for marriage

Answer 6

you should of never cheated on her even

if you were having relationship problems.

you 2 need to go talk to someone. maybe

you can work it out. and on your honeymoon

maybe she just wasn't into scuba diving.

i hope things work out for you 2 =)

Answer 7

Well it sounds like you do love her but not enough to keep from cheating. If your ex was worth cheating on your wife with why don't you go back to her? If you have only been together this short amount of time and you have already cheated then you must not be happy.

WHY DID YOU CHEAT?

I think that you need to keep your appointment with the councilor and work out some of you own personal issues before you work on marriage issues. If you are not happy with yourself how can you make someone elst happy?

Answer 8

you're better off without her... she sounds like a greedy one... a tropical scuba diving honeymoon sounds pretty cool... but noooo it's not good enough... then you find out she'd been running up the bills too... you're better off without her.

Answer 9

So what's your question? Are you in here to try and get sympathy? Sorry buddy, but you should of kept it in your pants!! The only thing I can say is go to your appointment and keep going. Next time you feel the urge to cheat, whether it be her, or anyone else, just think of how low you feel right now. I hope you honestly learned your lesson.

Answer 10

The only thing I can say is good luck, you are going to need it.

Answer 11

If you really loved her you would never have cheated on her so your and idiot to begin with. In her mind it will never be the same no matter how many shrinks you see. You have screwed it up, admit defeat and learn from your mistakes.

Answer 12

I'm really sorry this happened to you.  From what you say, you sound confused now but you also seem to have been confused before the marriage as well.  Seems like you don't know what you really want.

I get the feeling that you might want your wife back because it would feel so bad to have failed in the marriage, especially so early.

Sometimes, we make mistakes and the good thing to do is recognise if it IS a mistake and learn from it.  You sound like a good and caring man.  Go to the counselling appointment for yourself.  If your wife wants help, she can organise it for herself.  You need to think of YOU right here.

I hope you feel happier.

Answer 13

My exwife did some of the same things you did. Buddy let me tell you -you are no good for yourself right now let alone someone else. You have "baggage" issues that YOU need to take care of before you can even think about getting into a relationship and maybe so does she.

Don't be scared it's over - I've learned that you can not loose what is metaphysically meant to be yours. Maybe this was your wake up call. Take the time to work on you....you said you had issues with your father leaving you - well no one should have to deal with that. Get counseling - rid yourself of all that. Cause if you don't it will continue to remanifest itself in your life and your relationships.