My wife of 14years just told me that before we met she had slept with over 50 men. What should I do? ?

Question

We have been married for 14 years. No problems to speak of and things have been great until know. I can't beleave she lied to me. Not just about this but alot of the things I thought were a first for us were just old hat to her.. I want a divorce but we have two great kids and I can't do that to them.. I would suffer un til who knows when not to hurt them. What do I do?

Answer 1

Well consider this.  The person that she is now, is no different then the person that she was 14 years ago.  Although she lied, it doesn't mean she has continued this behavior while you were married.  I think you should forgive her, but you do have a right to be mad.  Just, if you're "trying" to work things out, make sure you "try."  Don't bring it up and rub it in her face for longer than a week.  It'll ruin both of your lives :]  Best of luck!!!

Answer 2

It's 14 years!

Get an HIV test and get over it!~

Answer 3

Good grief ... GET TESTED!  That's the first thing you should do.  This is not something to get divorced over.  We're talking over a decade ago.  Unless she has been unfaithful to you during the past 14 years, it's forgivable.

Answer 4

this is strange.  Wehn i first got with my husband he tld me that he was with 11 people but then down the line he told me that he was only with one besides me.  Shocking enough that i was upset! lol I feel that that one girl was really specail and i had to live up to what she did for him.  We are in the opposite situation but we feel the same

Answer 5

You're an idiot!!!!  She should leave your ***, you are too stupid for words.  You want a divorce after 14yrs of a great marriage.  Just because she gave you a large number, that more than likely isn't true.  You need to leave, and pay as much child support as possible, and even alimony, god knows she has earned it living with such a moronic stooge!!!

Answer 6

if things have been great for 14 years then why cant you just let her past be her past?it was "pre you",has nothing to do with your marriage,she didnt cheat on you so just get over it,she probably lied because its embarassing.

Answer 7

Wow...thats tough.   If it was just the fact that she has been with a lot of people, I'd say don't worry about it, you've been together for a long time and that is in the past.   The big deal is about the big time lie.  It destroys trust.  

I would say not to rush into divorce....If you have had a good marriage and have kids that you care about, look into counseling.   You need to build that trust back.  

Hopefully she'll understand what damage she has done by the big lie.

Good Luck....I hope you can work through it.

Answer 8

Wow...  

You should not divorce for this white lie.  She probably didn't want to scare or intimidate you 14 years ago.  If you have no other problems to speak of like you say, you've got to find a way to get over it.  She's no different now than she was then.  Be grateful you have someone who loves you and the kids.

Answer 9

So you're going to let her history destroy the history you built together? If things were so great, why should her history, prior to meeting you be such a problem? We all have skeletons in the closet and she was wrong to lie about it but think about your kids. It sounds like you're letting your pride get in the way and your kids don't deserve that.

Answer 10

I have to agree with everyone who says to let this go and stay with your wife.  Get tested for STD's.  She shouldn't have lied in the 1st place, but I wonder why she felt she needed to lie.  I have several questions to think about before you take the drastic step of ending your marriage.  Did you expect that your wife be less experienced than you? Did she lead you to believe she was a virgin or just that she had been with a couple of men?  And why is this comming up again now? My husband and I haven't discussed how many people we've been with since before we were married.  It wouldn't come up now.  Were you suspicious of her fidelity, or just needling her for information? If you have a history of questioning her virtue, she must have felt that you couldn't handle the truth.  I also think marriage counseling is a good idea, because it seems that between the lines there are deeper issues if this just surfaced now.  You've had 14 good years, so any notion you might have had about how experienced you would have wanted your wife to be are irrelevant.  What matters are those 14 good years.  

Answer 11

I understand you may be hurt greatly from the information but if you've had a good 14 yrs. the everything is in the past and just be happy with the woman you fell in love with before you knew about her past relations. She's still the same woman and you should not judge her for her past and what has happened.

Answer 12

Enjoy her experience and get over it. Why would anybody tell how many people were before you. What's in the past is history.

Answer 13

Well has all the experience thought her some neat tricks?  Maybe you have been together this long because she finally found a man that could take care of her needs!  That would be a compliment to some.  You can't change the past, has she been loyal and true to you, that is the hardest thing to find in a relationship.  It is one thing to have a past, it is another if you can't leave it behind, and have to keep it alive.

Answer 14

try counseling before you do anything involving a divorce. If everything is as great as you said then your marriage can be saved. It might take time but at the end it will all be worth it

Answer 15

Her past history is none of your business, get over it. There are other reasons for wanting  a divorce surely? The marriage cannot be that great. Why do you really want a divorce?

Ask yourself this question. we all have a history before marriage of some kind or another. You are being immature and are willing to throw away your marriage for this? Get some therapy for yourself.

Answer 16

Sounds like the issues run deeper than just her past. Not her issues.....I mean yours! Who gives a %$^* what she did before she met you. If she's still doing it now....that's an issue but PLEASE. If you had the opportunity to sleep with over 50 women, I'm sure you would have taken advantage of it.

Who the h**l is bringing up the subject anyway? If it's her...perhaps she's tired of you whining. If it's you...she'd be better off leaving the drama.

Answer 17

i understand feeling betrayed but i agree with everyone else, it's in the past.As long as you are her last...it shouldn't matter. if you were going to catch something from her you would have already, rite? don't let someone sexual history destroy your love for each other and then destroy your family. think about it before you do anything.

Answer 18

Okay I have to know did she ever ask you if you wanted to know how many men she was with? I asked my husband and told my husband how many people i was with before the first time we had s*x. He lied and added a few names to his list to make it bigger.

Well if this wasn't an issue when you first slept together why is it an issue now unless she never asked you if you wanted to know or didn't tell you the truth.

Then you have every right to kick her out, though keep your kids, and tell her if you lied about that you could have easily lied about affairs or anything else. Because that is a huge lie if she told you you were one of a handful and to find out it is more like a dozen handfuls it hurts.

I understand you wanting to leave especially since you feel betrayed, but think it through, does she help with bills does she clean the house is she good to your children, can you afford if she left, child care or child support, or even alimony you might have to pay, try talking with her and to see her as a person that made many mistakes or you might just be better off leaving and being happy with the decision you made.

Answer 19

What she did before you were married is irrelavant. You said things have been great for the past 14 years and have 2 great kids. Do you really want to loose all that over sonething that happened 14 plus years ago ? Were you a virgin when you got married and expected the same ?

My advice ? Get over it.

Answer 20

Think carefully before making a big decision.

Answer 21

It may have taken a lot of courage for her to tell you the truth. She has been harboring this and maybe now you two can show your children that adults can over-come even the worst of upsetting experiences. Kids need to see parents work things out and not just walk away when they are hurt or angry. Try and forgive her, after all it was BEFORE you!

Answer 22

Ask her to show you some of the tricks that they taught her.Then forget about it.

Answer 23

Ask her if she regrets sleeping with that many men. She probably didn't want to tell you because of how you would react when you first met. I haven't been married, but I think you should talk it through before you consider divorcing (Big step!) her, she probably felt guilty and had that burden for a long time, so finally telling you was most likely a big step. Counseling? Good luck!

Answer 24

get custody of them or joint custody of them stay involved in their lives.